Funny Gambling Sayings
Viva Las Vegas! It’s the entertainment capital of the world, with shows, music, gambling, and much much more. Whether you’re there to gamble, to catch a show, or just to see the sights, Vegas is a great place to make some memories (even if they have to stay in Vegas!) and that means taking some great pictures and videos for your Instagram feed. But once you have those pictures, you’re going to need some snappy, catchy, or just plain literary quotes for your captions. That’s what we’re here for, so let’s get started!
Love for Las Vegas
- “Las Vegas looks the way you’d imagine heaven must look at night.” — Chuck Palahnuik
- “Vegas is everything that’s right with America.” — Drew Carey
- “Man, I really like Vegas.” — Elvis Presley
- “Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.” — Artie Lange
- “Las Vegas is sort of how God would do it if he had money.” — Steve Wynn
- “A little bit of this town goes a long way.” — Hunter S. Thompson
- “Las Vegas is the savage heart of the American Dream.” –
Gambling Sayings and Quotes. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old gambling quotes, gambling sayings, and gambling proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. This one can be characterised as one of the funny casino quotes. The author of this quote on gambling is Albert Einstein who once made this statement explaining that “no one could possibly win at roulette unless he steals money from the table while the croupier isn’t looking.” “In gambling, the many must lose in order that the few may win.”.
- Luck is what happens. When preparation meets opportunity. 4 BC — 65 AD; Roman.
- Funny Gambling Quotes. GENERAL ‘Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.’ — Unknown ‘I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That’s how I lost my mind.’ — Steve Allen ‘The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.’ — Ambrose Bierce.
- Vegas is the answer no matter the question.
- Keep calm and go to Vegas.
- Life is more fun with games.
- Vegas, here I come!
- City of lights, smiles, and memories.
- “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas … but that doesn’t matter when you live there.” –
- Here I get a break from my own thoughts.
- Viva Las Vegas
- Shiniest place on Earth.
Oasis City
- “Las Vegas: all the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato.” — Jason Love
- An oasis of fun!
- Desert rose.
- The shiniest mirage.
- Figurative and literal oasis.
- “The view from the window, particularly if you enjoy neon, is extraordinary.” –
Vegas Shenanigans
- “What happens in Vegas, I’m telling everyone.” — Dane Cook
- “There’s just no quiet in Vegas.” — Barry Manilow
- “Boy, you get greedy in Vegas.” — Louie Anderson
- “Every time I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.” — Artie Lange
- What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
- “Buy the ticket, take the ride.” — Hunter S. Thompson
- Alcohol you later!
- I would just like to apologize in advance for my behavior in Vegas.
- Goodbye reality. Hello Vegas!
- Meanwhile, in Vegas…
- “The secret of Vegas is that money is boring. Hence all the bluster.” –
- The sky’s the limit.
- “Everyone was going to lose their money at some point. You may as well do so half drunk and at the mercy of a pretty smile.” –
- Sun City
Lady Luck
- “Luck is believing you’re lucky.” — Tennessee Williams
- “Luck be a lady tonight.” — Frank Loesser
- 0% Luck — 100% Hustle
- May good luck be your friend.
- My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, then people would stop dying.
- I make my own luck.
- “If I lost all, at least I would have played for it. It had always been my philosophy that one must play, or be a loser two-fold.” –
- The night is on my side.
- You don’t need luck when you’ve got these skills.
- “Everything’s a gamble, love most of all.” –
Gambling Galore
- “May the flop be with you.” — Doyle Brunson
- “If you can’t beat them, bluff them.” — N.R. Kudelis
- Life is a gamble.
- Life is like a poker game; it’s not what you’re given — it’s how you use it.
- “I don’t gamble, if you will concede that poker is a game of skill.” –
- Let the chips fall where they may!
- “All life is a gamble and our lives are the dice we throw.” –
- Keep calm and play poker.
- “The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.” –
- “It’s hard to walk away from a winning streak, even harder to leave the table when you’re on a losing one.” –
- Never bet against the house.
- Going to Vegas and not gambling is like going to a restaurant and not eating.
- Because if you’re not winning, then what are you doing?
- “It is impossible to change your luck. But, you can always change the machine you are at!” –
- Go rich, come home richer.
- “Life’s a game and men the gamblers. They’ll stake their whole pile on the one chance in a thousand. Take away that one chance, and — they won’t play.” –
- Poker face.
- “The greatest risk is not taking one.” –
- Snake eyes!
- “Gambling isn’t fun; winning is fun.” –
Vegas Flicks
- “Why can’t we remember anything that happened last night?” — The Hangover
- “Why don’t you give me half the money you were going to bet, we’ll go out back, Ill kick you in the nuts, and we’ll call it a day.” — Vegas Vacation
- “You’re either in or you’re out. Right now.” — Ocean’s Eleven
- “I haven’t seen so many side burns since West Side Story.” — Honeymoon in Vegas
Vegas in Literature
- “Las Vegas suggests that the thirst for places, for cities and gardens and wilderness, is unslaked, that people will still seek out the experience of wandering about in the open air to examine the architecture, the spectacles, and the stuff for sale, will still hanker after surprises and strangers.” — Rebecca Solnit
- “Everyone is a bender away from oblivion.” –
- “I came to see that Las Vegas is not a freak but is, instead, deeply integrated with the rest of the country, and the world beyond. It is symptom, mirror, metaphor.” –
- “One more cockeyed optimist thrown under the reality bus.” –
- “I love Las Vegas because it’s the one city less classy than Los Angeles.” –
- “The people who say New York never sleeps must have never visited Las Vegas.” –
Gambling Quotes
- “It’s like gambling, somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good, or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.” — Jim Morrison
- “I’ve never been to Vegas, but I’ve gambled all my life.” — Ryan Adams
- “You must work and do good, not be lazy and gamble, if you wish to earn happiness. Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.” — Anne Frank
- “There is something about jumping a horse over a fence, something that makes you feel good. Perhaps it’s the risk, the gamble. In any event it’s a thing I need.” — William Faulkner
- “Life is a gamble, at terrible odds. If it were a bet you wouldn’t take it.” — Tom Stoppard
- “Love is a gamble and sometimes it hurts, but whether you win or lose being in love is a beautiful thing.” — M.J. Abraham
- “If you know you’re worth nothing, only a gamble with death can gratify your vanity.” — Don DeLillo
- “I looked to the ceiling and told God, “God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.” — Kristen Ashley
- “Time is our gambling partner on the other side of the table and it holds all the cards of the deck in its hand, we have to guess the winning cards of life, our lives.” — José Saramago
- “In my life, I’ve learned when to let shit go and when to fight. This, babe, what we got, I’ll fight for.” — Kristen Ashley
- “Maybe that’s why adults drink, gamble, and do drugs — because they can’t get naturally lit anymore. Maybe we lose that ability as we get older.” — Matthew Quick
- “Women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” — Gloria Steinem
- “I generally find,’ Clent murmured after a pause, ‘that it is best to treat borrowed time the same way as borrowed money. Spend it with panache, and try to be somewhere else when it runs out.’ — Frances Hardinge
- “Never kiss a girl whose brothers have knife scars.” — Robert Jordan
- “What is life if not a gamble? — F.E. Higgins
- “Whisky, gambling and Ferraris are better than housework.” — Françoise Sagan
- “I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.” — W.C. Fields
- “Life is gamble, It’s harsh and painful most of the time, and it’s not for the timid. Spoils go to the victor, not to the one who doesn’t even show up for the battle.” — Acheron
- “Gamble everything for love, if you’re a true human being.” — Rumi
- “Everything’s a gamble, love most of all.” — Tess Gerritsen
Now get out on that strip, live a little, and up that social media game.
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Let funny Confucius quotes, jokes and sayings spice up your day … or so ‘Confucius say’ — he ‘say’ a lot by the way (read more about facts and rules for Confucius quotes here)
• So if we may, ‘Quotescoop.com say’ … please, enjoy yourself … and have a nice day
Hilarious Confucius Quotes That Will Make You Go ‘Nuts’
Confucius say: Baseball is wrong — man with four balls cannot walk.
Confucius say: Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
Confucius say: A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish, but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts.
Funny Confucius Sayings about Man and Woman
Confucius say: Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.
Confucius say: Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!
Confucius say: He who let woman on top is fucking up.
Confucius say: Woman who goes to man’s apartment for snack, gets tit-bit.
Confucius say: Man with hard problem usually give it to woman.
Confucius say: Man who dates dynamite lady, gets big bang out of her.
Some Confucius Jokes all Ready to Flush
Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
Confucius say: House without toilet is uncanny.
Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
Confucius say: Fly which rests on toilet seat gets pissed off.
Confucius Quotes That Would Make Confucius Feel Right Back at Home
Confucius say: Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Confucius say: Gay man in Chinese restaurant will order ‘sum yung guy’.
Confucius say: Chinese couple who have white baby, name it ‘ Sum Ting Wong’
Confucius say: If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented.
Animalistic Confucius Jokes — Don’t Take Pet
Confucius say: Man who throw a cat out car window, makes kitty litter.
Confucius say: Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.
Confucius say: Hamsters which crawl into the wrong orifice get shit-faced.
Confucius say: Squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts, man lay on crack and rock nuts. Confucius say: Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.
Confucius Kiss-and-tell Jokes
Confucius say: Passionate kiss like spider’s web soon lead to undoing of fly.
Confucius say: Man who snatch kisses when young, kisses snatches when old. s when old.
Confucius say: Man who kisses girl’s behind, gets crack in face. Confucius say: Girl who marry detective must kiss dick.
Funny Confucius Quotes That Make You Face the Music
Confucius say: Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
Confucius say: Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.
And Now for Some Sharp Confucius jokes
Confucius say: Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
Confucius say: Man who sit on tack get point! get point!
Confucius say: Butcher who back into meat-grinder, get a little behind in his orders.
Confucius say: He who has a sharp tongue cuts own throat.
Confucius’ World of Make-believe
Confucius say: Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs.
Confucius say: Men who put cream in tart, not always a baker.
Confucius say: Woman who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Confucius say: Man who checks out woman’s package, dosen’t always work for UPS.
Confucius say: When man bring wife flowers for no reason, there usually reason.
Hilarious Confucius Quotes Heading for Trouble
Confucius say: He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.
Confucius say: Man with head up ass, can’t see for shit.
Confucius say: Man who mix Rogaine with Viagra will end up hard headed.
Confucius say: He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
Rash Confucius Jokes
Funny Gambling Quotes
Confucius say: Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!
Confucius say: Man piss in wind, wind piss back.
Confucius say: Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed.
Confucius say: He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.
Random Stuff from Funny Confucius
Confucius say: Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.
Confucius say: Man who have circumcision lose a bit of foresight.
Confucius say: Man who masturbate only screwing self.
Confucius say: Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.
Confucius say: Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg not find nuts.
Confucius say: Sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel.
Confucius say: He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.
Confucius say: Man with one foot on ‘yesterday’ and one foot on ‘tomorrow’ will end up pissing on ‘today’.
Confucius say: Woman who come to bed wearing nothing but running shoes, wants to have marathon session.
Confucius say: Prostitute who likes bondage is usually strapped for cash.
Confucius say: A butler with no teeth is called an in-dentured servant.
Confucius say: Man who give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach will ‘Abdicate’.
Confucius say: Man who is impotent will have Willy-nilly.
Confucius say: Mummys who take vacation, will relax and unwind.
Confucius say: Man who pamper his cow, will get spoiled milk.
Confucius say: Woman who fall in love with elevator operator, usually get the shaft.
Confucius say: Woman who dates gambler, gets cheated on.
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