How to Deal With Your Partner’s Cheating?

Some months ago, I discovered an expensive spa-voucher on the bedpost, with the words ‘love you, honey’ scribbled on a note with it. Knowing that my husband was not the surprise-pampering type, and with my birthday still months away, I found this unusual. Eventually, I found out Ted had been cheating on me. Upon the realization that too much harm had been done, he apologized. We had children, and walking away wasn’t an option, since Ted wasn’t a compulsive cheater, I heeded April Masini’s advice on introspecting on why it happened.

When is it a Deal-breaker?

I don’t know if there can be a justification for infidelity, no matter what the reason. For the last few weeks, Ted had grown overtly jealous, and had even accused me of cheating on him with his sister’s husband. The Cosmopolitan holds this as a red flag, and a possible indication it’s them who is doing the cheating.

One of the major reasons why spouses cheat is lack of quality sex, and in our case, having two kids back-to-back left no time or energy for intimacy. I initially also suspected Ted didn’t find me attractive anymore, but that wasn’t the reason, he admitted afterwards. As we discussed it at length, we realized that he deeply regretted it and wanted another shot at repairing and saving our marriage.

Don’t Stoop Low

Spouses often have this tendency to forever keep bringing up the other’s infidelity, with or without any relevance. Some even go to the extent of trying to get even, which is actually lowering oneself. Janet, an impulsive childhood friend of mine, even suggested cheating on him back, even if I had to do it just once, to get back at him. A WikiHow article engages with how emotional intimacy is reserved only for one’s partner, and though Ted had crossed a line, I decided I wouldn’t do it. Try to resolve the problem once and for all, instead of trying to misuse it to maintain an upper-hand over your partner.

Never Drag the Kids into it

This can never be stressed enough, as most real-life couples can quickly fall prey to painting a negative image of the other parent. A Reader’s Digest post cautions parents on avoiding it at all costs, as this could go on to affect kids’ mental health and future relationships. To make resisting the urge easier, remember that your partner hasn’t failed as a parent yet. Offering backhanded explanations and negative commentary can forever scar their minds and send them crashing into hopelessness.

Seek Couple Counseling

Countless relationships have been saved by therapy, and when the damage seems irreparable, counselors can help you develop a positive attitude about it. Mistakes get made all the time, and cheaters are but human, and so was Ted. I used the Recommended Referral Service from Cuppls upon a couple a recommendations, and got probably the best therapist in our location. The sessions helped us reestablish trust within the relationship, and find better ways to communicate.