Try Not to Panic Marry

When I was 30, I’d been drinking for over a decade and surprisingly, wasn’t very good at life. I’d been dating a nice enough guy (victim). Then my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I panic married.

There’s something about being 29 that makes you think the worst thing in life is going to happen in a few months. I felt like once I hit 30, I’d forever live on the other side of the wall with the White Walkers. That whatever my life was the day I turned 30 would be forever stamped. So I’d better have ‘made it’ by then. And it was not looking like that was going to happen.

30’s a big milestone. Legit adult. I was supposed to have it figured out by 30. My 20’s were for drinking and goofing off. Check. Check. Then you’re supposed to grow out of it and become a high-functioning adult, right? That’s what I saw other friends do. They had jobs they’d been at for years. The SAME job! Relationships they’d been in for years. With the SAME person! They had babies or were about to. They’d sprouted roots. I was rootless and fancy free.

It wasn’t that I didn’t have accomplishments by 30. I had. I’d starred on an Mtv show. I’d been on HBO and Comedy Central. I made out with a lot of guys. I could drink a ton. I was equally proud of all of these things.

I’d moved to Hollywood with some television success and had a plan to ‘make it.’ When I go to Hollywood, I looked around like, “Wait. Well, what are you supposed to do to make it?” While I wasn’t good at finding work, I was great at drinking.