New Book from Rush Limbaugh’s Mom
Rush Limbaugh’s mom discusses her new book, “Rush Limbaugh: the Case for Post-Natal Abortion”
Regarding her son’s legacy, Cornelia had this to say:
“He is my ultimate shame. I should have bought the dog a condom. When I was pregnant with him I paid boxers to punch me in the stomach, to no avail. To this day I can’t even take a dump without wishing it was Rush’s miscarried little carcass swirling in the bowl.”
“Sometimes when I’m down,” she added, “that’s what I daydream about, and it always makes me smile, brings me peace. I fucking detest that racist fat fuck piece of shit…
“I’ve given this a lot of thought over the years, some serious thought. Why is he the way he is?
“Ultimately, the measure of our lives is how positively we affect one another. Most people leave this life with a positive number of lives affected and changed, but Rush is in the negative numbers. Millions of people are worse off because he came into this world, and I include myself among them, as his mother. He is the tool of oligarchs who depend on him to mislead the public and create scapegoats, to promote a corporate fascist agenda; to sell wars and divide and conquer the electorate at the expense of American interests.
“He actually believes he has the moral authority to lecture the most popular Pope in the history of the Catholic church. That’s the size of his ego. It’s pathetic.
“He is my ultimate shame. I should have bought the dog a condom. When I was pregnant with him I paid boxers to punch me in the stomach, to no avail.”
“I mean, seriously, his show is given away for free, so that’s the only reason people air his garbage and why he has so many affiliates. It’s like “It’s a Wonderful Life.” That movie is public domain so around Christmas everyone airs it not because it is so brilliant a movie, but because it’s cheap. It’s free to air. That is the only reason he has a large audience. Real talk show hosts sell their shows, they don’t have to give it away.
“Rush goes home alone, he’s impotent, if he’s wanted by any women he is wanted not for who he is but for his fame. And inside him, he knows this because before he ever made it big, he couldn’t find a date for the life of him. This kind of reality tends to sour a man. It’s why he objectifies women: he knows the pretty ones just see him as an ATM so he instinctively just sees them as objects as well. But there’s more. Obscured by a gut that’s half Cheetos and half bile, he has never seen his own penis. He used to cry about that all the time.
“He was an obese child with arms too short to reach his pee pee, so he often missed the bowl. It only got worse. When he showers his feet don’t get wet, so he stands over his bidet to make sure the bottom half gets washed. Consequently, as he has never seen his penis, his life has been one of profound confusion, self-doubt and rage. Should he squat to pee or stand? If women lied to him about their love for him, maybe they also lied to him about seeing his pee pee… and maybe all women are evil.
“Rush has made a career out of dividing Americans to act against their own interests, to myopically see race or sex before character. Knowing him as well as I do, there is absolutely nothing about his true enmity against gays and people of color that would differentiate him from a rabid Klan leader. Rush says the same thing as these cross-burners, he just packages the hate in a more acceptable polysyllabic wrapper so I guess that’s why he’s so valuable to the GOP and Tea Party. The message is the same though: white males need to fear the poor, brown people, yellow people, black people, gays, and women.
“When he was a kid he always wanted to see Rex, his father, but he had left us. We saw him at the pound a few years later. I didn’t have the heart to tell him they were related. It would have been too unbearable a shock, and even I am not that mean.”
“Tell whom? Rush? perhaps that would have been a bit hard for a kid.” I asked.
“No. Who gives a fuck about Rush. I’m talking about the dog.”
Originally published at impiousdigest.com on August 18, 2014.