The Sky is Falling

I have been listening to Chicken Little for 8 years. I live in the south. The Republican part of the south. Those around me never took a shine to President Obama. Only those in the big cities, like Atlanta, where there are minorities and large universities attracting people smarter than me. I’m no minority. I’m a fat, old white guy with freckles and red hair. For 8 years I listened to shrieking, “Obama is a Muslim, born in another country, with 666 tattooed across his chest.” Yes, I know real living and breathing people who shop at the same Walmart I do, who believed Obama was the antichrist. (They were a lot like the people who said W wanted to be emperor.) Seriously, I know these people. They believed, “Obama is out to destroy America and send us into Armageddon.” They would cite things like a trillion dollar debt (which is true by the way, I know it is all Bush’s fault, but it’s still true that he created ginormous debt) and Benghazi screw up.” Now, I know the Democrats and those on the left don’t want to admit the debt or the Benghazi screw up any more than Republicans want to admit their debt and that the intel on Iraq was all wrong. But I’m sorry, from my place on the fence, watching the show, it is obvious that Obama screwed up. But so did Bush, and so did Clinton, and so did Bush, Sr., and so did Reagan, and so did Carter, and so did Ford, and so did Nixon, and so did Johnson, and so did Kennedy, and so did Eisenhower, and so did Truman, and so did Roosevelt, and so did Hoover. That’s enough. Do you notice a historical pattern here? If you look at your voter registration card you’ll find out that the ones in this list, who, in your opinion, screwed up the least, are the ones who matches your party affiliation. And you’ll notice that the ones who screwed up the most aren’t your party affiliation. Surprise! Who’d have thought? My card has hand scribbled on it, “INDEPENDENT, fence sitter.” And because of that I think they all screwed up. Some of them I voted for, others of ’em I didn’t, but all of them made a mess of things.

Now, I need to deal with something else. It wasn’t because Obama was black. Democrats, don’t you remember that the white Republicans didn’t like Clinton (and didn’t like his wife, they called her the bitch and the witch) and he and she are as white as Wonder Bread. And Bill, he’s a good ole southern boy too. Wooo, Pig Sooie! (I know you far left liberal damn Yankees have no idea what the hell I just wrote.) Stop getting bent out of shape thinking that the Right didn’t like Obama ’cause he was black. They love Clarence Thomas and Tim Scott. The white Republicans would have hated Obama if he were white as vanilla ice cream and named Forrest Beauregard.

I got a little off track. As my sister used to say when she was little, “Guess what?” He’s back (except he is in a different costume). “Who’s back,” you may ask? Chicken Little. Yep, he is back running around shrieking like he always does. Previously over the last 8 years, he wore the mask of a grumpy old white guy with an RNC tattooed across his forehead. He was missing a few teeth. I’m not sure whether it was from a bar fight at the saloon or poor dental hygiene. Now, the shrieking is coming from an old white woman mask with DNC tattooed across her forehead. Dang, if they aren’t popping veins screaming the exact same thing, “The sky is falling!”

So, now everyone is screaming at each other again, just like Sunday dinner when grandma served roast instead of fried chicken. The fried chicken lovers just aren’t happy. Well, not everyone, is screaming. I like roast and fried chicken. And I’m real comfortable here on my fence, just watching the show. Same stage, just a new clown and a new Chicken Little running up and down the aisles. She’s kind of cute despite her eyes bulging and veins popping out like that, screaming, “The sky is falling.” I bet she wouldn’t like it, that I think she’s cute. She’s probably not into a short fat old men. Definitely, not into a guy sitting on the fence. Well, the Mrs wouldn’t be happy with me if she knew I’d said I thought Chicken Little was cute. Dang, I wish there was a Democratic congress, that would make this show even more fun to watch.

I think I might just be the last sane person left in America?

I know, I know, “This time it’s really going to fall.”

— Stuck in the Middle