How to deal with rejection
Hurts to be rejected. We do mean that feeling of not being wanted is extremely painful. Multiple neural regions that deal with physical pain are involved in the processing of rejection, according to fMRI studies. In addition, this experience is reflected in the language we use to describe rejection. Over a dozen languages were recorded by researchers that use words like “crushed” and “broken-hearted” to describe rejection as being hurt. So, why is rejection so strong, and is there a way to deal with this particular kind of pain?
Rejection is often referred to by psychologists as the feeling that other people don’t value having social connections with us. This could happen if we are left behind by a romantic partner, excluded from a group, or treated unfairly. However, it is important to note that these interpersonal rejections are distinct from job rejections because they involve social interaction.
We perceive that the party rejecting our relationship places a low value on it during these instances. Additionally, despite the fact that the more we place value on a relationship, the agony of being rejected can still be devastating, even when it comes from complete strangers. Although this may appear to be an excessive response, in the same way that physical pain alerts us to potential threats to our physical well-being, hurt feelings alert us to potential threats to our social well-being.
This warning system, according to some behavioral psychologists, was developed by our prehistoric ancestors when they lived in small clans and relied on everyone they knew for survival. It’s possible that these people have evolved to see rejection as a potential threat to their safety from anyone. This kind of evolutionary theory can’t be proven, but wherever this warning system came from, it doesn’t tell you how to deal with this intense emotional experience.
Try asking yourself these questions the next time you feel rejected. Your relationship with the person who is rejecting you should be the first thing to think about. Is this a person whose opinion you value and who knows you well? Or is it simply an unofficial acquaintance? If the latter is true, that may assist you in answering the second question: How significant is this rejection really?
Although it can be hurtful when a stranger doesn’t laugh at your joke, it doesn’t make sense to strongly react to a rejection that won’t have much of an effect on your life. Obviously, ignoring even a minor rejection is easier said than done because how you see yourself also matters. You probably feel more confident in some situations than in others, and people tend to be more receptive to being rejected when they have a low self-esteem.
Because of this, they are even more likely to mistake neutral responses from other people for rejections. Reflecting on your own self-perception and asking yourself if the other person is actually rejecting you can be helpful because of this. It’s possible that this is an odd question. However, you might discover that they still value your relationship even though they didn’t treat you as well as you would have liked.
Consider whether you were expecting more acceptance than was reasonable in some instances. Sadly, even if you ask these questions, you might still come to the conclusion that a close friend or family member doesn’t value your relationship as much as you do. Although this is a painful realization, two things can be helpful.
To begin, this rejection is not solely your fault. The other person has a different idea of what they want from your relationship, and it might be unreasonable, unfair, or just not what you have to offer. Second, their rejection does not imply that you have a problem. You are experiencing pain as part of a system that is encouraging you to consider your interpersonal relationships.
In addition, you can gain a deeper comprehension of the rejection and critically evaluate the kind of relationship you want with this person by reflecting on your actions. There is no one-of-a-kind relationship or rejection. However, regardless of the particulars, it is essential to keep in mind that you are never alone in this.
Even people who appear to be confident in their place in the world face rejection at some point in their lives. Reconnecting with people who already accept you is another common way to cope with this universal experience.
