What do you want.. and what will you settle for?

I know the life that if I could have anything that I would want for myself.

I also know that I have done up to this point to actually create it.

I know the conversations that I have had with myself to create the life that I actually have right now. The two lives that I speak of are drastically different.

I sit here struggling because I know the life that is capable for me, I know that I can do and what I can create for myself. I choose not too, though. I have taken a very comfortable easy route.

It makes me question myself as to why people would actually listen to me, read what I have to say, watch videos that I create. Anything that I create really… It gives me pause.

Really, it keeps me from going anywhere before I even start. At least on the content creation side of things. I am telling myself that I do not bring value to people so there is no reason to do it. Of course, I do bring value.. however, there are a lot more people out there that are writing and putting out video that have a lot more behind the words that they say. “Knowing” is one thing. Having results to put on the table and show people… that is something completely different.

I am in the middle of a conversation with myself around motivation and what drives me. I want to create content because I think it is cool, BUT I am hesitating because I fear others will think nothing of it and disregard it and not watch it because there are “better things out there”.

I want to do it for myself… and when I look at other content people provide and it’s fun and adds value to my life, I want to do the same for others. But, what is that value that I provide. I do not feel in my current state I have those results to say look at what I’ve done, you want to spend your time watching/reading what I have created.

This is where I get to shift how I look at this current situation. It’s something that I want to do. Yes, I do want other people to watch it. Yes, I do want people to read what I write. But the TRUE question is — am I doing this for other people or am I doing this for myself? Am I writing because I want other people to read it and like me and what I write? Do I create a vlog because I want other people to like it… well of course… but not everyone will. Will there be some people that do? I would be lying if I said I didn’t really care… the fact of the matter is some one will find my videos. Some people will like them… some will not. At the end of the day it’s about feeling internally fulfilled by what it is that I am spending my time doing. Am I proud of what it is that I am creating. Does it push me to want to do more of it.

It’s a very different perspective when I take it from the outside of what are people going to think of this thing that I am creating to I want to do this — and I want to make sure that I am putting forth the best possible product that I know how to at this point in time.

Am I truly happy with the state of what I am creating in my life on a daily basis? Am I satisfied with my surroundings? That is purely what it is all about — are the ones that I care about most being well taken care of, do they have everything that they need? If not, what am I going to do about it? Am I satisfied living with myself knowing that is the case. Can I truly say that I am 100% satisfied when not everything is of the quality that I know it can be?

The answer to that is no.

The question then is… what am I going to do about it?

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