What your inner you wants to tell you that you suppress and deny?

Last night was a tough one. After some days of light headache finally it got me powerfully. I fell asleep peacefully on the chest of the man that I love, which means, basically the safest place on earth. The place where I can put my head to dream safely and beautifully about the things that I love, but (and there is always a but) after some hours, as i remember around 3 a.m., I was in the other side of the bed, refusing him and my huge headache, two things — one tangible, in the other side of the bed, and the other one (my headache) right inside my head. In my moment of pain, why could I go to the other side of the bed and suffer alone? It didn't make much sense to me today when I woke up and realised I did this to myself. Why sometimes unconsciously we deny love or protection?

The dream is still clear to me, the whole night I dreamed about a chain, a very long chain of flowers, specifically small orange and red flowers, I could go along with the flowers, flowing, feeling their fast movement and their power struggling in that white empty room. The more pain I felt, the more speed I could feel. So fast. I could feel the wind. And the funny thing was, I was nothing in this dream, there was no body, there was no eyes, maybe I was just the wind and the flowers and the speed itself. Maybe after waking up and look at the mirror for some minutes, I realize that maybe I was just my thoughts, purely, trying to get out and have a room in the tangible world. My love could not help me in this self discovery moment, I had to be in the other side of the bed alone to feel like it really feels when you suppress who you really are. This self torture. This “I am not good enough”, “The world doesn't care about me”. So, after this dream I started to draw, no thinking, and what I got to say now is If you wanna dance, please dance, if you wanna spread postal cards around the world saying to strangers to have a good day and smile, do it. Listen to yourself. Listen to your heart. Otherwise, you get sick. All the diseases begin in the spiritual level, in your unconsciousness, in your suppressed feelings and living and being is the most natural way of treating it before it gets real, on your skin or nightmares or even humour.

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