I don’t want to swipe right on his photo.

I want to start a conversation with him on the train as he remarks on something I’m reading, or catches my stare from across the car.

I want to make cliched small talk with him accompanied by witty undertones so we both realize we have the same humor. We’ll talk about how ridiculous our first conversation was the next time we meet, and then try to fit in more cliches cause maybe that’s our thing now.

I want to meet him in line for breakfast on a sunny Wednesday morning as we’re both going to work. We’ll walk in the same direction, and maybe he’ll comment on what I ordered, and I’ll laugh because I’m trying my best to flirt even though I’m really bad at it these days.

I want to bump into him while saying hello to a friend, and suddenly feel the need to see him again. I’ll innocently ask my friend if he’s seeing someone, but they’ll see right through my question and then happily play matchmaker (because that’s what friends are for).

I would like some uncertainty, please:

What exactly does he think of me? Does he think I’m cute? Interesting? Weird? What is it that he wants from this conversation? What does he do? Where does he live? What will happen next? What if I never see him again?

What if I do?

I want everything to be crazy at first; a voracious appetite for figuring him out. I want to learn everything about him by reading words he wrote just for me; correctly spelled words that were thought through. No keywords, no word limits and no selfies.

I want my heart to race when he sends me a message. And then fret about it all night because was that a dumb thing for me to say? I want to be known as that girl he met because he was in the right place at the right time.

I want to be able to write him pages without realizing it’s 2 AM and I need to work in the morning. And then wake up feeling alive and awake because suddenly I’m smiling—all the time.

I want us to meet up somewhere near the ocean, and go on a walk. We’ll assess if our first impressions were really as grand and cosmic as we remembered. And they will be.

Because we didn’t swipe right.