WE ARE PRODUCTS OF OUR HABITS
Sometimes it takes a long time to get to know who you are, who you really are. I’m not talking about the decade of soul searching most of us empaths go through, while that is important. I’m talking about getting really familiar with what parts of you make you uncomfortable.
Here’s my example — for a long time, I would scroll through Instagram looking at pictures of fitness influencers thinking “I can look like that” and doing what I was “supposed to do.” I was working out 5–6 times a week, eating my salads and drinking my protein shakes. But what I was also doing (and refused to see for a long time) was eating pizza every Friday, never taking breaks and drinking wine a few times a week. In my head, I was someone I would consider to be a physically healthy person that follows a diet, has a strict schedule and works out hard. But in reality, my mental state was suffering and therefore my habits reflected that. There was a complete disconnect with who I was in my head, who I wanted to believe I was, and who I was actually being in practice.
The funny thing is, it took a move across the country and some serious re-evaluation for me to even consider that what I was doing wasn’t leading me to a place I wanted to be. Let me explain.
I grew up in a big city and while it was a great place with lots to do, I never quite felt at home there. It was making me sick in more ways than I realized. I was just used to what it had to offer me, which I came to find out was not all that much. It brought me fun, which brought me a lack of real connection. It brought me money, which also brought me stress. It brought me success, which also brought me a lack of fulfillment. See what I’m getting at? None of these things were my priorities so I wasn’t feeling fueled by them and therefore, wasn’t getting any closer to who I wanted to be (or rather, who I was in my head).
It only took one visit to the mountains to realize my soul was begging me for so much more. I got on that plane home and immediately started feeling homesick for the mountains. I had traveled a good bit in the past but I was honestly usually excited to go back home, I had never felt like that before. So after a bad breakup, an unexpected spiritual awakening and a few bold moves, I was on my way out west. I spent three days on the road with my dog and my brother, who graciously offered to come with me and help me move into the apartment I had never seen before.
At first it felt like an out of body experience. What have I done? I don’t know anyone here. How am I ever going to create a life from scratch? But that’s just it. I was creating a life from scratch, not going along with what I was used to. So I did just that and I started doing things from a place of enjoyment rather than obligation. I started tracking my diet because I wanted my body to function properly. I started going to the gym when my body felt energized because it made me feel more accomplished. I started resting when I felt tired or upset because it helped me to feel recharged. And you know what? Little by little I started to become that person I was in my head. I was not only healthy in theory but also in practice.
It’s easy to look back now and see what I was doing wrong, or rather, what I wasn’t doing right. But I think this can be applied to a lot of situations in the sense that discomfort creates growth and it’s uncomfortable to grow. But if you’re willing to embrace that discomfort, so much can happen. You might even find yourself becoming that version of you that you’ve always known you could be.
