I Found Myself Again

Infant Jerin
Nov 1 · 5 min read

Last year on Sep 30, I stumbled upon the organisation which sells the neurotic trance in the name of enlightenment experience. It wasn’t the accident though, it was my decision to go there to find answers to this unknown experience I had in my life (it’s called precognition where you get the dream or vision of some kind and then the sensation of something good or bad will happen to the people related to you, some scientists reject this as a false attribution, those who reject it as false attribution had never had this experience, but some scientists are trying to prove it using the quantum entanglement, but right now science does not have answers to it)
Initially, It was a good learning from that organisation, I somehow convinced my mind I’m doing good. But after 3 months, I did volunteering to one of its meeting & some incidents happened there put me in confused state, by that time I became weak physically because of its practices & foods. I looked me at mirror & I did not like me. So I went to meet the doctor & when I told about my practices, he called out the name of the organisation, upon confirming it, he faceplamed with dismay & said it’s the brainwashing group, I did not expect you go there. He is one of soul who was happy about my accomplishments & his words impacted me more because he knew the culture in that organization, so I felt that he also had gone to that organisation because he explained all the programs & few examples of how it manipulates the people.

I was broken after this incident, I usually don’t regret for the decision I take, but after reading all the techniques of manipulation, I regretted how my trust is exploited. How I was made to confront my family & friends when they raise any questions against the organisation. I was made to believe that if he is wrong, then all the spiritual gurus in the history are wrong. But this assumption is wrong though, because Swami Vivekananda & Buddha reject the mysticism. After realizing, I tried to come out of that chasm, but I couldn’t, I looked weak even after I stopped doing those practices. people asked me to eat well, I tried eating more, but nothing helped, I was still week & I felt that something within me is missing.

I was depressed, my body expressed it, some people felt sad for me, they could not understand what happened to me. Poor people how would they know? even when I don’t know what happened to me. It took me 10 months to understand what I lost. Yes, I lost me. In the name of devotion & tearing ones ego, I was made to kill my ego & my identities and that is the goal of organization. It makes us to do so by framing the words differently. Losing identities & ego is good someway but the problem of losing your ego & identities is, you became void & empty, now they can use you to shape as they want, you will be pulled out in the name of volunteerism by framing it as a test for you to loose your ego.

I remember this famous quote from George Orwell 1984, “You will be hollow. We will squeeze you empty, and then we fill you with ourselves.. Power is in tearing human minds to pieces & putting them together again in the new shapes of your own choosing”. Now I know how it uses scientific techniques of hypnotherapy, hypnopedia & sleep deprivation to make you believe some superstitions by framing the words “ancient science”. Eventually what it does is, it kills ones critical thinking & makes his voice to run on ones head to solve any problems in their life. Finally it makes one schizophrenic & psychosis by breaking their nerves. So now once you become schizophrenic, you will get all those spiritual experiences. There is similarity between schizophrenia, psychosis and religious experience. It sells this experience by framing it ‘joyful experience’ or ‘ecstasy’ but it makes one schizophrenic or psychosis. (Read the symptoms of schizophrenia, psychosis & see how these symptoms are similar to mystical experience these people are talking about).
It’s daunting to realize what it does. It’s so intimidating to realize how I made myself to slowly kill myself.

After this realization, it took me lot of time to rebuild what I lost & decided to shape me again as who I’m. what makes us as us? it’s our experiences & decision we take, choices we make based on our beliefs and the stories that we narrate ourselves from these experiences. Nothing has pierced my soul as this quote written by my father at back of my book in 3rd grade,
“சுடும் வரை நெருப்பு,
சுற்றும் வரை பூமி
போராடும் வரை மனிதன்,
ஆம், நீ மனிதன்”
(It’s fire, till it burns, it’s earth till it revolves, he is human till he fights, yes you are human !! — by vairamuthu)
Yes, I am lost but I’m not dead, I stand again, I stand again with all these new learning, because that’s what make us human. I will be dead if only I lost my hope. I can only bring back the person who I lost by remembering who I was & my life events. So I had to remember who I was & tell my stories to define me as who I am, but I was made pity & shame for telling who I’m. Now I decided I’m not going to regret for who I am, I will be I, I believe, right people will attract me for being me. I’m not going to compromise me to fit for others. People can call it ‘Ego’ but they don’t know what amount of ego I lost in last year.

Anyway, I actually don’t have interest to share this part of my life story, but I’m worried because some people I admired have been pulled out by that cult’s manipulation techniques. I wanted them to realize what they lost. They are good people, they have gone there to enrich their life, to bring compassion in the world, to do service to humanity. But they don’t know that they are losing their uniqueness by taking the cult’s identity. it’s difficult to change them unless it comes within. Share this if they need to know what is going in their life. Ask them to google about cult & how cult manipulates other, then ask them to read about Jones town, Oregon cult tragedy. Ask them to read this book combating mind control. They will come to know how this is the well sorted formula to manipulate the people & the structure is common across the globe. Finally tell them ‘Don’t loose your uniqueness and Remember who you were’. #BeUnique #BeYourself #IFoundMySelf #LookingForwardOnMyMission #BringGloryToIndia

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