Jesse Williams Divorce is a Welcome Reminder….
A few weeks ago Grey’s Anatomy actor and activist Jesse Williams was reported to be having an alleged affair and in the process of divorcing his wife.
YouTube was awash with people giving commentary on what a hypocrite he is. If he was not known for his activism and the unforgettable speech he made at the 2016 BET awards; this would just be another famous male leaving a relationship.
He came under fire from those who viewed his actions as a black versus white story. While to others it was just another opportunity to see men as untrustworthy beings that let you down no matter what you do.
I understand the black/white argument, but to me it is a red herring. However, what it means as a woman a relationship, well that is something else altogether.
First let me address the color issue. Jesse’s speech was very pro black, particularly pro black women. His mother is white. How wonderful that someone who has experience of both sides is openly embraces that as a gift. And teaches that we should respect and cherish our fellow human beings regardless of race or ethnicity.
So it emerges that his “girlfriend” is not just white, but that she is completely physically different to his wife. The new lady is very much the model type, while his wife is more like a regular women, not someone you would find on Instagram in a bikini.
I find that the color of the women does not bother me. But I also agree that if you stand on one of the biggest stages within the black community and make a speech about fighting for the rights of black women, and then within months you play away from home and leave your own black wife. This will of course be disappointing at the least.
My disappointment is that it feeds the narrow minded out there that are always looking to tear people down, things like this give them ammunition. This is not on the scale of Bill Cosby, who was a beacon of living standards to many. It does nonetheless, chip away at our belief in those who are represented as leaders, role models, spokespersons. If they are not authentic, who can you trust.
Why I am giving Jesse a pass though, is this does not mean that he is any less passionate about his message of equality, or his admiration of women, black or white. Because I love Chinese food, does not mean I have any less love for homemade fried chicken.
What does this mean to us as women?
The story is that his wife was the successful one in the early years of their relationship. She supported him while he built up his career. If you think that history will be enough to keep a man with you when he has mentally or emotionally moved on, you are kidding yourself.
If you experienced this, no doubt, you both did what you had to do at that time of your life. Of course there will be gratitude for you and the support you gave. But that cannot be held over him forever, intentionally or not. In a man’s defense he would have most probably supported you also.
Jesse has enjoyed quite a bit of success in recent years, so it is safe to say he has paid a few bills for his wife and family in that time. History has a big part to play in any relationship, but the here and now will trump it.
I hope his wife never lost sight of her abilities and self-worth. I have always shuddered at the thought of a woman giving up her career to support a man’s. Even if you are not working, find a way to build financial foundations so if the worst happens, you can afford to buy the six gallons of ice-cream you are going to be scoffing each night before you cry yourself to sleep.
It is rare women who has never had her heart broken. You are in good company. Halle Berry, Jennifer Anniston, Mel B, Kate Beckinsale, Mary J Blige. They cried like the rest of us, but they were not worried about meeting the next months’ bills.
You don’t have to be earning a celebrity income to get there, just pay attention to how your money flows.
Live as if you have the best, but plan as if expect the worst.
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