On 1st April 2010, I had a brain bleed. NO! it was no April Fools and YES it really did happen on April fools. I was actually working from home that day as it was approaching Easter and my husband had encouraged me to be home the day before the incident actually happened. On the day of the brain bleed, I had a meeting and apparently (as I was told) during the meeting my speech became slurred and not understandable.
My short term memory was the hardest hit! At the time, I didn’t recognise my husband, some friends, the year we were in, my date of birth, my address and so much more — mostly to do with my short term memory. In hind-site I could compare myself to a video recorder on constant repeat — asking the same questions after 2–3 mins as if I was asking it for the 1st time.
My challenges have included (loooool I laugh at myself as I recall some of them — but they include):
Not remembering My husband when he first visited me in hospital and after 10 mins greeting him as if I had not seen him for time in the same day
- Strongly believing that whilst in hospital that this was all a dream and that I will wake up real soon!
- Not remembering where I work whilst on my way to work! I would call my husband at the train/tube station and ask who I worked for, the location of my office and at times what tube and train I had been taking:
- Not remembering how old I was. I would always have to work it out if and when asked.
- Not remembering whether I had had a bath or not. I could easily have 4 baths in the same morning because I couldn’t remember.
10 years later after being discharged from the Neurologist that performed the Gamma Knife operation on me, I realise more than anything that I had been leading and living a life of lost identity, confidence, ambition and unknown pain.
I was grieving what I wasn’t even sure about — grieving what I thought I had lost or was losing. In fact the last 10 years have been like isolation for me — The last 10 years have been like self isolation, except it was IMPOSED ISOLATION based on the injuries and the emotional war that I was not prepared for or warned about.
BUT NOW I have freed myself — I woke up 01.04.20–10 years later and faced myself in the mirror and said to myself —
“Today I Choose LIFE” —