An Unconventional Approach to Firing Employees

Breaking up is hard to do, whether in your personal life or the workplace. Typically, articles on employee dismissal are a collection of ‘don’ts’ emphasizing the avoidance of legal headaches and security concerns. Important factors but an insufficient guideline for achieving successful outcomes from this highly impactful conversation. Let’s change that. These 16 unconventional yet highly effective recommendations can mean the difference between a positive outcome or an unfortunate event.

1. Crisis Communication. Most people equate crisis communication with media worthy events and disaster. In reality, crisis communication is any form of exchange that informs of a loss. It can be a physical death, a relationship break up, a devastating diagnosis or termination from a job- which for many equates to a death of their life as they currently know it to be. Remain mindful that this conversation is the commencement of loss and abrupt change to this employee’s world, regardless of how warranted.

2. Know your assumptions. Identify what assumptions you’re bringing to the table about this conversation and the employee. Now, ‘reality-test’ them by asking yourself if these assumptions are truly accurate or an expression of your own frustration, discomfort and anxiety. Are you assuming a ‘bad scene’, taking a defensive posture before the meeting has even begun? Are you ‘building a case’ in your head in preparation for an argument? If this sounds familiar you’re actually laying the groundwork for the very outcome you’re hoping to avoid.

Assumptions drive behavior and inaccurate assumptions lie at the heart of every unwanted outcome.

3. Acknowledge your personal responsibility. Unless this discussion stems from an unexpected ‘terminable offense’ chances are this has been brewing for some time, along with your frustration and anger. Was this a ‘bad fit’ from a hiring mistake? Was performance counseling poorly executed or too little too late? Did this situation fester longer than necessary from sheer avoidance? All challenges not within this employee’s power to resolve.

Your anger with this individual for behavioral issues, not being what you wanted or performance that didn’t hit the mark is a ‘you’ issue that will derail this discussion.

4. Tap into your demonstrated success. What other difficult conversations have you led and what were the outcomes? What went right and why? Is your definition of success too narrow? Within unwanted outcomes there is usually something that also went right. Studying your demonstrated successes is key to replicating them. Reminding yourself that you’ve faced previously challenging circumstances with positive results activates your confidence. If you can’t identify any demonstrated success with previous difficult conversations take this opportunity to reflect honestly on why, your role in those outcomes and what is necessary from you to get better results.

5. Empathy. Yes empathy, which is not the same as exoneration, enabling, pity or sympathy. It’s the human brain wiring that recognizes the presence of suffering and distress. Regardless of how necessary or deserving this termination may be, it’s bound to cause significant disruption in this person’s world and others. Leave room for the possibility that this may be the ‘final straw’ on a heap of stressors or a string of losses you know nothing about.

Empathy costs you nothing and is 100% effective in positively influencing our own behavior, even when unappreciated or unrecognized by others.

6. Goals. Be clear about what they are. This is a conversation to communicate that the employee’s relationship with the company is ending. It is not an opportunity to: litigate your case for termination, rationalize the company’s decision to cut back while keeping you on, shame, humiliate, one up, punish, scold or get the last word in. It is to disengage and transfer the employee to appropriate personnel who can help with their transition and identify resources for assistance. Whilst this task is clear and straightforward it need not be cold, insensitive or harsh. See #’s 3 and 5.

The bottom line to a termination discussion is acknowledging that this person is not sitting in the right seat for effective expression of their strengths, skills and talents. It’s not a referendum on them as a person.

7. Transparency. Those receiving this news deserve and have the right to know the reasons for termination. Anticipated anxiety regarding what their response might be is not a reason to withhold this information. (See # 2). A lack of transparency is more likely to provoke anger and other emotional responses that can quickly escalate. People can’t cope with what they don’t know and often imagine worse than what is, leading to inaccurate assumptions and possibly those legal headaches you’re looking to avoid.

The need for transparency extends to remaining staff as well. It’s unnerving to see a co-worker one day and gone the next. Such situations inspire ‘grape vine’ stories that take on a life of their own reflecting poorly on leadership and exacting a toll on workplace culture and morale. Recognize that disengaging an employee disrupts workplace relationships with your remaining workforce. Control the message by quickly informing staff of this person’s departure.

I’ve heard the ominous comment ‘people just disappear around here’ as a descriptor for an employee’s impression of their company. Would you want your employee’s to feel that way about the workplace you manage?

8. Boundaries. The movie Up In The Air, about a hired gun brought in by companies to dismiss employees depicts a scene where a terminated and very upset man is asked to envision what his life could be in the future, suggesting he view this as an opportunity to pursue long abandoned goals. Whilst Hollywood gave this scene a happy ending, try this ‘feel good’ exercise during a separation discussion at your own peril. Effective meaning making after a loss (see # 1) must be self-initiated and self-constructed. Attempting to make people feel better constructing a perspective not of their own design is really an effort to manage that employee’s responses and your own anxiety. It can be manipulative and often backfires. Clarity regarding your own boundaries is essential to a successful outcome.

You are not there to be a therapist, prosecutor or executioner. This is a discussion to effectively but sensitively communicate information that will impact the immediate future of this employee.

9. Focus. This discussion is about them, not you. Take note if you’re expending more energy managing your discomfort than participating in the conversation or rushing to get it over with. (See #’s 6 & 8). If necessary, use a ‘thought disrupter’ such as moving slightly (not fidgeting) in your chair or reminding yourself ‘pay attention’. Then consciously bring your focus back to where it needs to be…on them.

10. Location. Not in a public setting! Numerous managers have reported having this conversation in restaurants, bars, coffee shops, the company lobby even rather than in a private setting. So too with conducting exit interviews! Why? The age old hope and assumption that a public venue would prevent overt emotional reactions or angry outbursts. Do a survey of couples whose relationship ended in this manner and see how well that worked out. For this type of discussion (see #1) a public setting communicates disrespect and is more likely to incite shame, placing people on a ‘stage’ feeling exposed and vulnerable-exactly what you don’t want.

The outburst you feared driving the selection of a public venue may not happen during the discussion but subsequently after the employee has had time to stew while re-living the humiliation.

The same goes for texts, emails or internal network posts. If geographic distance is unavoidable than utilize a video chat application with real time image and audio capability to personalize the conversation. (See #’s 1, 2, 5 & 9).

11. Timing. The end of the day is the best way to preserve someone’s dignity and privacy as well as your own.

Unless this person is behaving in a threatening or unlawful manner, forcing them to do the ‘perp walk’ carrying their box of belongings in front of colleagues does nothing positive for them, you or the company.

If this employee’s overt emotional reaction is heard and seen by many, you now become part of that scenario with staff spinning their own narrative about ‘what you did to them. (See #’s 1, 2, 3, 5 & 6).

Guard another’s dignity. It means everything to them and nothing to you.

12. Seating. This issue gets so little attention but has major impact on the dynamics of a termination discussion. Avoid placing yourself behind a desk or table with your back facing a wall and the employee across from you with their back facing an open room. This is ‘stressor seating language’ that creates vulnerability, an imbalance of power and a winner v loser dynamic. Confrontational by nature, this seating implies a negotiation dynamic and is counterproductive to a successful outcome for this type of discussion.

The object is to reduce their stress not escalate it.

Collaborative seating creates a more relaxed and balanced environment conducive to conversation as opposed to a battle. Place chairs closer together forming a conversation area with a lower coffee table in front of you both rather than in between so as not to divide and to place any written materials.

13. Tone and Phrasing. Tone dictates a feeling or intent of what one is trying to convey with words. It’s as important as the actual words used and an absence of clarity with tone creates inaccurate assumptions and misunderstanding. Think of instances where an email or text from you was completely misinterpreted, leaving you scratching your head. ‘Flat communications’ that eliminate the opportunity to decipher tone by non-verbal facial and body language or the sound of the voice delivering the words is highly conducive to unintended outcomes when not used with extra care.

If you have consciously prepared by eliminating your frustration or anger with this employee you’ll be better equipped to choose phrasing that conveys the information you need to communicate in an appropriate, corresponding tone. Avoid phrasing that is accusatory, shaming, judgmental, defensive or blaming.

Expressing regret for this outcome is not an apology for the dismissal but a recognition of the difficult nature of the situation, especially if this is a reduction-in-force rather than a performance based decision. Doubt this? See #’s 1 and 3.

15. Security. It needs acknowledging that disengaging an employee in today’s environment can include risk. An FBI study from 2000–2013 cited over 70% of active shooting incidences occurred within a business or educational setting and 17% of active shooters had been terminated from their jobs on the same day as the shooting and 2015 saw a 12% increase in suicides completed in the workplace. Most employment termination discussions don’t culminate in violence, but workplace violence statistics indicate that doing a threat assessment is a critical element to planning for this discussion, especially if warning signs have been observed.

Unless indicated as necessary, keep an overt security presence away from your meeting. This instantly antagonizes people no matter how much you claim “its the policy, nothing personal.”

Being terminated is as personal as it gets for an employee. In most cases being surveilled by security personnel during the gathering of personal belongings and escorted out the door by them is heavy handed and just not necessary. Think instead ‘accompanying and assisting’ by a neutral individual.

Being fired from a job doesn’t make you a criminal and unless a threat assessment indicates the need for this, its advisable not to. People often get upset during a termination discussion, but being upset is not an automatic indicator of violent behavior. Focus on remaining calm and present during any distress from the employee. (See #’s 1, 2, 5 & 11)

15. Aftermath. Relationships, be they personal or professional should end with the same care and respect that was present at the start.

Once the meeting is over, this individual will have nothing but time to replay and think about what happened. This is actually where many termination discussions go off the rails into a subsequent regrettable event.

Even when dismissal is for cause, offering tangible assistance for transition immediately after the discussion and going forward is another step company’s can take in reducing the likelihood for a regrettable ‘after event.’

Even when termination is for cause, offering tangible assistance for transition starting immediately after the termination discussion and going forward is another step company’s can take in reducing the likelihood for a regrettable ‘after event.’ This includes contesting unemployment. Will the money you save really be worth the costs of an unintended event later? Desperate people do desperate things. See #5.

Legacy. How do you want to be remembered after this conversation? That may seem an unlikely question but it could one day be a crucial one for you.

Seemingly implausible at the time, one day you may find yourself sitting before this person being interviewed for a job you want or reporting to them as your boss. What goes around truly does have a way of coming around.

Unbeknownst to you, this conversation may serve as a positive example for the day this employee finds themselves having to perform this same task with a direct report.

By following these tips in your preparation and facilitation of a termination discussion you will better communicate that although an employee can’t continue in this job, you and by extension the company, still regard them with the respect and dignity they deserve placing them in a better position to focus on their next chapter rather than retaliation.

About The Author: Lisa Dinhofer, MA, CT is a Certified Thanatologist and communication expert specializing in unexpected loss, situational management and effective messaging for extreme or difficult situations, workplace issues, mass fatality events, conflict and abrupt change. As the owner of Koden Consulting Services, LLC she works with a diverse range of clients in Healthcare, Law Enforcement, Child Protective Services, Emergency Response Preparedness, Forensic, Mortuary, Social Service and Mental Health, Call Centers and Corporate professionals. Click here to contact Ms. Dinhofer and for more information about her services.

Lisa Dinhofer, MA, CT

Written by

Ms. Dinhofer is a certified Thanatologist and communication expert specializing in situational mgt. & effective messaging for difficult workplace conversations.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade