Who wants to do a 10-day Vipassana retreat again?

Vipassana course in Ireland 13–24.8.23

DISCLAIMER! This story follows my experience during a ten-day Vipassana course in Ireland. Each Vipassana experience is unique and incomparable to the others. I went to the course without reading other people’s experiences and I’m glad I did it that way. Maybe you don’t need either — just go to the course. But for all those other curious people — the story follows…

St Flannan’s College in Ennis where Vipassana retreat was organised.

For months in advance I dreaded the trip to Ireland. I was not afraid of the Irish greenery or the colorfulness of the cities and people, but the floor of the student dormitory in the small town of Ennis. Why Ennis? Why the floor of a building that irresistibly resembles Hogwarts? And why was I not allowed to speak with others, use a mobile phone, read or write for 10 days?

…

Honestly, I didn’t even know the answers to those questions when I greeted Pouya (husband) at the train station in Berlin in fear. Going to the Vipassana retreat was completely outside my comfort zone, outside my culture and the knowledge of most people I know.

What will happen in those ten days when I will not be available; and can I, a bit of a control freak, let go of control? I have to be able to.

I started the Vipassana retreat, admittedly with very limited knowledge of where and where I was going and what I was going to do there. More specifically, I knew the following:

1. It’s some kind of course where I’ll learn to meditate,

2. I will have minimal informational input during the course,

3. Some acquaintances did it and it changed their lives (and for some it didn’t),

4. Some friends did it and it was the most difficult experience of their life (and for some it wasn’t).

Meditation hall

As for me, I felt that I needed a break from practically everything ;-).

All the information I am bombarded with (or am actively bombarded with) every day was too much for me. Either job. There were different cultural patterns between work and home, Croatia, Iran and Germany. Either Instagram, Facebook, Index.hr, … Whether climbing, non-climbing. Either English, German, Croatian, Farsi or a mix of everything. Be it Putin, Milanović, or some other presidents. A little bit of everything.

And so I traveled all over Ireland to Ennis by train, plane and bus to be the student again.

What is Vipassana?

(taken from https://www.dhamma.org/en/about/vipassana)

Vipassana, which means seeing things as they really are, is one of the oldest Indian meditation techniques. It was rediscovered by Gotama Buddha over 2,500 years ago and taught as a universal cure for universal ills, i.e. the Art of Living. This non-sectarian technique aims at the complete eradication of mental impurities and the resulting ultimate happiness of full liberation.

Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnectedness between mind and body, which can be experienced directly through disciplined attention to the physical sensations that make up the life of the body, and which constantly connect and condition the life of the mind. It is this observation-based self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion.

What does the course look like?

Waking up at 4. Start of meditation at 4:30 until breakfast at 6:30. Next meditation at 8. With breaks until lunch at 11:00. Start again at 13. Tea and fruit from 17–18. Meditation and film until 21. Sleeper. There is no communication between participants; only with the organizers and the co-teacher. Women and men are strictly separated. And so for 10 days.

Fairhead

Lessons during the course?

Sort of a random order.

1. Everything changes. Of course, I was aware of that before. But it’s good to remember. What is difficult today will be gone tomorrow. What is beautiful today will be gone tomorrow. Today we are strong, tomorrow we are not. Today we have money, tomorrow even more (or not at all).
2. Therefore, one should not react to current feelings, ideas, visions. And the pain goes away (especially pronounced after 10 hours of sitting on the floor). And the pleasure is fleeting. Hunger too (there is no dinner on the course ☺). One should just observe the sensations as they come and go and not react. It’s just the way they teach us in Mexican, Turkish soap operas and American movies — no.
3. Not obeying the authorities and looking for your own way. No, it wasn’t a lesson on the course, but Inga’s lesson to Inga. The teacher said that you should not meditate in a lying position, because that way you will fall asleep. But I know I won’t. Having broken that “order”, I went to my room, lay down on the bed and did my homework there. I didn’t fall asleep — I believe. I was able to concentrate much better and learn much more about my mind than if I had forced myself to sit in the gym for 10.5 hours a day. Lying down, I could feel many details in my body — the heart pumping in the aorta, the “lid” in the trachea opening and closing with my breathing, etc.
4. Men and women function completely differently. Women are more obedient. They don’t walk when they should be meditating. They follow “commandments” more zealously. I confess… I only learned this on day 9 when I went for a walk before breakfast and saw many men walking.
5. The sea — the only thing that triggered me in that silence was the vision of the sea. I realized that I really miss life at sea and that I would like to live there again.
6. Morality — the last day was dedicated to morality. Although I thought I had high moral standards, I realized how much they were shaken by life. I realized (doesn’t mean I accepted) how egoistic I am in our egoistic world and how I regularly shape life activities to make myself more comfortable. No more excuses.
7. Emotional rollercoaster — I was thrown on a daily basis from euphoria because of a great meditation, to anger that I can’t do it again, to anger because of anger and back again in a circle. How tired those emotions made me… But if I just focused on my breath and meditation, those problems were gone. And there is no headache that comes with it.
8. Generosity — not really me or? Although… generosity returns generosity — I believe. The Vipassana course is free, but you can donate money. Well, I accepted the generosity training while I was still there and made a donation that will secure the spot for someone else.
9. The Pouya project (my husband) — actually, wanting to help him a lot, I’m also paying him back. I have to control my urge to constantly try to help him and my desire to succeed in his ambitions…
10. Ah, that body! It’s amazing how precise an instrument it is, but how distant and separate we are from it. Meditation brings awareness to signals that are normally processed in the unconscious part of the brain. For example my balance has improved several times, as a result of getting to know my own body. After 10 days of sitting in the dark, I came back a better climber. Crazy!
11. The curse and blessing of the mind. People, our heads are heavy!!! How much energy do we use to keep it upright? And how much our brain is just an instrument because we haven’t learned to control it. A couple of processes take place in my mind simultaneouly: a song plays in the background, I count steps (1, 2, 3, 4, 1,…), I plan the future, I have flashbacks from the past, I imagine situations that never happened and I react emotionally to them, I repeat what she would say to someone if she saw him again, etc. How much energy and time can be saved if the brain is not allowed to run wherever it wants like an untrained border collie? Meditation helps to control the brain. But one needs to train…
12. I found a path that is a continuation of last year’s message from the temple in Tokyo: “Even though the path is overgrown and difficult to walk on — it is the path you must take…” I also found it’s last station. After 8.5 years of chasing around Europe and the world, about twenty in Croatia, I found the final stop. It is not Ireland, Croatia, Berlin or Split. It’s me.
13. People like to suffer, I don’t. I don’t know if this cultural need to suffer comes from our current religions or not, but people really like to suffer. This course was also focused on suffering (albeit with the aim of making people stop suffering). Pain -> suffering. But I didn’t suffer. Maybe because of the mechanisms I use to protect myself. Maybe because I have no need to inflict pain on myself. The pain will come on its own one day anyway, so why should I inflict it on myself in advance? But how not to suffer in a world where everyone suffers? I was wondering what I am doing wrong? Am I cheating on the course? I also felt a little guilty that I wasn’t suffering… How is everyone suffering and I’m ok? But that’s something I had to accept about myself. If I were that good…
14. This course is one of the greatest achievements of mankind. How did someone come up with the idea that by observing one’s breath, a person can focus, center, calm down, become present. To be where he is, with all the good and bad. And ultimately not to strive for what is not present in the present and not to suffer for the past. Become happy.
15. My jaw dropped. :-)I have never had a smoggier jaw than the first day after the course.
16. I am calmer. But without continuing training, I’m back to normal.
17. I didn’t dig up some unresolved life situations. And I didn’t even dare to dig deep because I would immediately get a headache. The only thing that helped was a return to breathing and meditation ☺ Anyway, the point of the course was to learn how NOT to do it: not to analyze the past, not to rush into the future, not to react.

Ennis

Who wants to do 10-day silent Vipassana retreat again?

I will go again. The first time I went for myself, the second time I would go for others. Strengthen your moral principles. And in the meantime, I will try to maintain my practice because it helps me to fall asleep more easily at night, rest during the day and be more focused at work and in climbing.

I hope others went too. Mom, dad, brother, husband, friends. The recipe for a fit brain was found 2,500 years ago, the only question is whether we can keep up with the training. A recipe for a fit body is also available. How many of us stick to it? And fasting prolongs life, so who fasts?

P.S. After the course, I spent two more days in Ireland and N. Ireland with the climbing legend from Belfast — Michelle O’loughlin. With Belfast Food on the loudspeaker, we headed to Fairhead for a swim. I bathed in the icy Irish sea, but on another occasion I will also do some trad climbing and bouldering there. Warm recommendations ☺