My Grand Article on Big Data

I’m a Data Scientist and that’s almost as cool as being Doctor Who. It also means that my quest is, at some point of my career, to write a Grand Article on Big Data. I have been busy, but now I finally have some time. To speed up things, I was given Instructions for Writing an Article on Big Data. Let me see:

Hark, the herald data angels sing

Evangelise that Big Data is a really, really super-hot topic — hype, but still important — and Hadoop, MapReduce, some more tech words … you know the rest. Data streams in like river Amazon by tera-peta-zetta-yottabytes because of digitalization. The tech market is 53.4 billions by year 2017 by some source, or maybe 32.8 billion by some other source. This number somehow proofs that the end customers will benefit from the technology.

Ponder and wonder

Wonder how may letters “V” there are in the word Big Data. A first grader would say none but we know better. There are originally three of them: volume, variety, velocity. But, hello, that was invented like 16 years ago. Do invent some more! Veracity is already there. How about vroom, that’s dynamic? Replace Big with some other catchy adjective, like Smart, Small, Dark, Fast, or Furious and ponder the deep issues arising. Google for an adjective that no-one has used yet. Believe me, this is so much fun!

Big Challenge

It is time for a worrying conclusion: data is not enough, not even the Big Data. Remark that the thing the data does, is that… eh…that it … well, it doesn’t do anything. It is just given. Latin is so cool: Data is the plural past participle of dare and means roughly “which are given”. Think about it. To be honest, data just lays stone-dead somewhere on the Cloud, and does not even play the harp.

Final conclusion

This chapter might even have some substance! Just to suggest some topics, the value could come from … But what… STOP THE PRESS! Big Data has vanished from the hype cycle! It’s not there any more! It’s gone! Where is the next thing! It is AI! Let’s pack up and go there! 
Oh dear. I was so late with my article. (distant voice: Remember the golden rule: steps one, two, and three. Business benefits will always follow after implementing steps one, two, and three.) Data Scientist truly was the sexiest job of 21st century.