For three months now I have been a Purpose Sniffer. How come?
In my relationships, I was stuck in a box behavior about how to connect with people. This is what it looks like: get empty, push your box aside, make sure your Gremlin is not in the way, don’t smile, listen, be present, wait until something comes up for you, trust! Sounds like a great guideline, doesn’t it? Yeah it does! But I wasn’t getting the results I had hoped for. I didn’t feel alive, or connected, or enthusiastic, because I did not speak with authenticity.
Then I read the following sentence: “Every action has a purpose whether I am conscious about it or not!” Ok then, let’s become conscious about it. Grab your magnifying glass from your tool belt with the three magical features : 1. magnification 2. slow-motion and 3. neutralization. Let’s sniff out my different purposes.
Here is what I found :
1. “Get empty”
I want to be without story about the person in front of me. It’s about being in the here and now. The purpose of this part of the good-girl-box-guideline is Presence !
2. “Push your box aside”
I am aware that my box wants comfort, for exemple not getting up when it’s sitting comfortably. I prepare to do things against my boxes comfort zone if it’s serving the relationship. Purpose: being in service and feeling connected.
3. “Make sure your Gremlin is not in the way”
I thought, the adult “I” is in charge. “I” am the master. Gremlin’s job is to obey. This sounds like a battle between my Gremlin and my adult, instead of a collaboration. Purpose: power struggle, betrayal about my X on the map, sneakily lying to myself, looking good. Guess who is doing this? Yes it is my Gremlin!
4. “Don’t smile”
I want to be taken seriously, be trustworthy and empathic. It’s about appearance. Purpose: status!
I have split purposes here. There is curiosity and openness with the purpose of connection and love. There is also a desire to hide, to not be seen, to not be exposed with the risk of not being liked. Purpose: adaptivity and security. Ah, contamination of adult and child, even Gremlin.
6. “Be present”
I have again split purposes. Yes, it is about presence, no doubt, and, to my surprise, there is also an intention about pretending to be present. It’s cheating on myself and on the other, self-deception. That’s Gremlin contamination into my adult space.
7. “Wait until a thought comes up for you”
This is also contaminated. There is a shadow intention of hiding for fear of not having enough matrix to understand what is going on. The purpose: pretending and reputation. The Bright Principle purpose is trust, real trust, trust in life. That is the last word in my original construct about my relationships, 8. “trust”, the only element which felt authentic to me.
I am astonished about the multitude of purposes, overlapping, crossing, short term, long term, mixed, contradictory, clear, unclear, …. The main direction I get out through my magnifying glass is about “doing the right thing” and “being a good student of Possibility Management.” The over all shadow purpose is control, pleasing and being adaptive.
The dominant purpose wins, conscious or unconscious.
My box says: “I did what is expected from me.”, but my being is not fed. Do I use this complex multilayered purpose bullshit each time I want to connect with someone? The answer is YES! This is shocking, and I feel sad to come to this realization. Who benefits from this behavior ? It’s my Gremlin, enmeshed in my adult space feeding himself sneakily. It’s the time to become a Purpose Sniffer. Now !!!!
I start by slowing down and looking carefully at my impulses to act. My experience for decades has been: when my Gremlin is in charge, there is only Gremlin. Nothing else exists. When my Gremlin is not in charge, I gain some options.
Through Possibility Management, I learned about Bright Principles. Those are forces of nature which want to do their work in the world. Because they are disembodied entities, they need Beings to serve them. In order to be chosen by a Bright Principle, the Being needs to be in a moment of conscious emptiness.
Through my old Gremlin experience, I draw a conclusion which has been transformed to an unconscious expectation : “When Bright Principles will be in charge, Gremlin would be absent”. What an error this was !
My Purpose Sniffer reveals that my mind is constantly busy using unconscious shadow principles, which determine my daily interactions with everyone and everything I come into contact with. Knowing my shadow principles is important in order to access something else. When I can’t name my shadow purposes, I am identified and enmeshed with it which does not allow me to have access to my bright principles.
For example, I write this article and realize the shadow purpose: I want to do such a good job in order to be proud of myself. My Gremlin is already dreaming about how to use it to look good, to be somebody, to construct a good self image. It’s all about reputation and status. Naming those shadow purposes without blaming myself, it’s a way to separate the Gremlin-Adult-purpose-enmeshment. My Gremlin feels seen and is willing to sit at my side. My adult “I” gets the chance to sens another purpose with a softer voice using another frequency: I want to share, I want to be seen, I want to be vulnerable. This is about courage and vulnerability.
Gremlin and Being are always both there, simultaneously. Their intentions too ! When I don’t know where my Gremlin is and what he is up to, guess, who is in charge ? Yes, Gremlin himself, King of my underworld ! When I know where my Gremlin is and what he is up to, my adult “I” has a chance to choose something different.
Being a Purpose Sniffer is like doing a rigorous spring-cleaning. It involves looking at every purpose separately, shadow or bright, and sorting out by putting each one to the part where it belongs, Gremlin or Bright Principle.
Being a Purpose Sniffer is my Gremlin’s job now, and he loves it. It feeds his energetic body with very tasty High Drama food. I feel aliveness simply by being a Purpose Sniffer.
Sound inviting? Try the experiment ! Become a Purpose Sniffer !