Aching for Orlando

I feel so overwhelmed: heartsick, angry, helpless, useless. I ache for the victims in Orlando, for their loved ones and for the whole LGBTQ community that was created to be a place for inclusion and love.

I ache for their loss, for their fear and for the fact that we have to continually ask them to be strong when sometimes we must all allow ourselves to lean on others in times of grief and constant struggle.

I ache that this horrid, ignorant man purchased weapons that MASSACRED innocent people. I hate that he and so many have access to such destructive devices and that it is legal and encouraged.

I ache that once again religion and hate mixed together to create a sense of righteous anger in someone who twisted words of encouragement and love to suit his own needs and justify his murderous intent.

I ache for the Islamic community that must, once again prove that they are not a religion of hate and remind ignorant reactionaries that Muslims are not all murderers – terrorists come in all religious flavors all over the world… including America.

I ache for the public health workers and who must turn away the homosexual community that wants so desperately to contribute their lifeblood to their own community members due to outdated and misinformed policy.

I ache for the Mothers and Fathers and Lovers that must endure the loss of the people they love today, that they’re going to be forced to grieve in public and take sides and not be allowed to be angry and inconsolable and to grieve in the way they need to.

I ache that I feel a sick pressure to declare sadness and anger yet dance around family members and social media responses to what I write so that I don’t offend or react incorrectly in others eyes.

Mostly I ache because I feel so horrendously useless. How can I change the many ways that this awful day happened? How do I say that there is no way but love and peace and inclusion? How do I convey the depths of my desire to see everyone, EVERYONE treated equally in our world and our laws? How do I send love and deepest peace to those aching for lost love ones tonight? How do I scream for help to our government to do SOMETHING about gun violence? How do I speak eloquently from my heart? How do I act gracefully?

All I know to do is to write. To send love, to live peace. To accept everyone, just as they are. To stand together with my brothers and sisters in every faith community and to stand in solidarity with Orlando. I can only hope that tonight, that is enough.

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