What is yoga to me?

What is yoga to me? I think that’s one of life’s great questions! What isn’t yoga? I decided to start writing a list of all the things yoga means to me — it got really long. So I picked the top few and expanded on them.

One of the ways I think of it is that verse from the bible that people use at their weddings — love is. While I’m not religious, I’ve always loved this verse, and I think it works just as well if you replace love with yoga.

Yoga is patient, yoga is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Yoga does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Yoga is getting to know yourself, living your truth and letting others live theirs

For me this has been realizing that I am a true introvert — I reenergize by spending time on my own, so that’s something I need to make time for — reading, studying, practicing yoga and just being on my own. However I also need to keep putting myself in social situations, getting to know people, sharing parts of myself and making sure I don’t get over analytical and live in my own head too much.

I have a tendency to go through whole scenarios in my head — and sometimes that’s a positive, as I think before I speak, but there is room to overdramatise in this way, and apply my own issues and patterns to a situation that objectively doesn’t require them.

I also have a a related pattern of wanting approval from others for my choices and decisions. Sometimes it’s hard for me to be ok with my own decision regardless of what anyone else thinks. I would prefer to have everyone’s approval, even people I’m disagreeing with, I want to bring them around to thinking what I’m doing is right. Which it may not be — for them! But what matters is that it’s right for me.

Similarly, in some situations in my life, while I might not offer verbal advice, I have plenty of ideas in my mind about how people would feel better if only they did x and y! While I don’t like thinking of myself as “judgemental” this is actually a judgement (even if it’s being made with loving intentions), and not one that is mine to make. If that person is doing what is right for them and living their truth happily with or without my approval — good for them!

I have a feeling this is going to be something I work on for a long time.

Yoga is finding love and space in any situation

Parenting is probably the best example of this for me. Parenting is such a great opportunity to practice yoga, and such a hard place to do it consistently. Being able to take a couple of deep breaths and find some space within yourself when you are surrounded by, covered in, and almost suffocated by small, sticky, demanding children is not always easy.

Being able to draw on a well of love when you’ve been woken up by your 7 year old to debate the merits of her 5 year old brother’s career choice (he wants to be a fire fighter, she worries that’s far too risky!) is exhausting. But it is also so rewarding when you are able to respond as your best self, and provide an example of a calm, patient, loving response. Remembering that they are creating their own patterns and programs, and my reactions to them are forming a big part of that helps me to remain present in the moment. I am nowhere close to perfect, and I know no matter what I do they will grow up and form patterns that I have no control over, so I am also conscious of not becoming obsessed or feeling guilt over less than ideal interactions! I find that deep breathing and even humming om in these moments is calming for me, and often for them too.

While parenting is hard because of the constancy of it, in another way it’s easy, because you can look at the little person in front of you and recognize them as part of you (literally) and someone you have so much love for — which can make it much easier not to react negatively.

The next challenge is to take the same attitude out into the wider world. The concept of namaste. Being able to see the light — the true self that is in us all and interact with that higher part of everyone is an amazing thing that I’m working on being better at. Here is where parenting helps me with my yoga — I find that if I look at everyone as someone’s child, and think about the feelings of love a mother would have for that person, I can often change my mental attitude toward them to one of greater friendliness.

Yoga is balance and mindfulness

Yoga is finding a connection with your body, breath and mind and appreciating the gifts that they are. This is pretty self explanatory I guess, but for a lot of years I kind of took my body and mind for granted. Yoga has given me the gift of being more present in my self, and really being aware of how I’m feeling and reacting.

To achieve balance you must first have awareness of what’s unbalanced — that has been a big part of my journey. For a long time at yoga I enjoyed the asanas (poses), the clear mind they gave me and the feeling of being refreshed afterwards. But I struggled to relax in savasana, found the breath work frustrating and hard and didn't enjoy (and couldn't hold) balance poses. Over time — and particularly during my teacher training — mindful movement has started to show me the connection between my physical and mental patterns.

I discovered my program in asana practice of pushing too hard, stretching too far, not allowing myself to let go in relaxation and struggling with balance poses also relates to my emotional and mental program.

I don’t tend to have a lot of negative self talk but I am still often not practicing ahimsa (non violence) to myself. Just because I can do something doesn't mean I should. Just because I can flip my head back to touch my back doesn't mean it’s good for me. Similarly, just because I can find the physical and mental energy to go to work, pick up the kids, cook dinner, , put the kids to bed and then bake a cake and do an active yoga practice before bed doesn't mean it’s healthy. Sometimes I should buy the store bought cake, or sit on the couch with a book, or do a relaxation instead of active asanas. Something has to give, if not now then in the future.

I used to feel so guilty about taking any time for myself that if I was home alone and relaxing, I would jump up from the couch if anyone came home. Even if I’d just finished 3 hours of cleaning and done the grocery shopping! Now I make myself take 10 minutes to sit down and practice a moment of mindful relaxation (ie focusing on my tea while I’m drinking it, rather than running through my to do list again) as soon as the opportunity arises. If this means I don’t “get as much done” (which I’m aware in itself is a judgement about what’s more important — relaxing and recharging is a worthwhile end in itself), I’m learning to accept that.

At this point in my life I feel yoga is here to teach me more about not doing, just being.

Yoga is. Just as I am.

Yoga is not about becoming more — maybe it’s about becoming less, removing all the things I’ve accumulated over the years and returning to my true self. What I love about yoga is it meets you where you are and shows you what you need. I’ve found it to be a pretty organic journey, as I’m ready for the next step it becomes clear to me. I just came for the back bends, and now here I am, given the opportunity to share yoga with a wider community and learning so much more about me in the process.

What is yoga to you?