Pussy Snuffing: The Densitization of Modern Pornography

I was comfortably sitting in Houston’s United Club sipping a glass of Sauvignon Blanc while writing this post when I was interrupted by a boisterous Southern drawl.

“Where ya headed young lady? This rain’s a bitch and is delaying everyone.”

“Uh..Dallas. I replied. “But I don’t mind the delay considering the alternative. It gives me some found time to get things done.”

“Yeah. Not bad right? FREE wine. Snacks…..(silence). Whatcha working on?” He inquired.

“Oh, just writing a blog post.” I answered.

“You a writer? “I hesitantly nod. “What’s it about? That social media stuff is beyond me.” He said.

“Um, I’d rather not say.” I shrug.

“C’mon. Now you have to tell me. At least tell me what it’s for.” He peppered.

“Honestly, it’s more of a piece for women. You wouldn’t be interested.” I replied.

“But I LOVE women. And, if its a blog, anyone can read it — right? …”

“Yeah. Of course, but right now it’s more conceptual and I usually lead with a disclaimer that the content may not be for everyone. In fact, some people might find it offensive.” I added.

“I believe in free speech so write whatever you want. Anyways, you look like a nice enough girl. I won’t be offended.” He teased.

“Ok. I whispered. “It’s about pussy snuffing and the desensitizing effect pornography has on our culture.”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?” He abruptly demanded.

(Deanpan) “Pussy snuffing.” I quietly replied.

“What in the HELL?” And with that he huffily stormed away.

I totally get his reaction because 2 months ago I had the same one. On a Saturday night about 2 am I got wake up call when my husband’s phone started going off in the middle of the night. He’s a heavy sleeper and we’d had a few glasses of wine earlier in the evening. When he didn’t budge, I reached over to put his phone on mute. While doing so, in my sleepy haze I noticed an image of a women’s pussy pop up. And suddenly I was wide awake.

My husband and I have an open phone policy so I was comfortable retreating to the living room to see what in the hell was going on. Upon opening the text, I noticed it was a video, pushed play and disturbingly discovered a nude hispanic woman awkwardly hovering over a candle. She proceeded to lower her bare pussy within inches of the burning flame, hover for a moment and snuff it out with a gust of air from her pussy. And thus the term pussy snuffing was born.

Needless to say, I was pissed. This was wrong on so many levels…. from the objectification of woman to his friend not being aware of or classy enough to know better than to send your married friend porn.

Unfortunately, one of the challenges my husband and I face is that his work life is very hedonistic. He’s repeatedly exposed to things that are incongruent with my personal views on how woman should be viewed and treated. That’s not to say they’re his personal views. As he explains, this type of content doesn’t excite him nor does it bother him (Oh how I wish it did). He simply embraces the fact that people are on they’re own journey and chooses not to judge them.

On a good day, I can be kind and gracious. However, at this particular moment I wasn’t feeling so generous. Although I never revealed this minor fact to my husband, I decided to pose as him and respond to the text, “Hey brotha. Can you do me a favor and stop sending me porn?”. Moments later I received a response. “Sorry man. I didn’t think it was porn!”. SAY WHAT???? If a nude woman snuffing out a candle with her pussy doesn’t qualify as porn, what in the hell would? I respond. “No worries man. I’m just trying to operate at a higher level these days. We’re all good.” Case closed. Thread deleted.

I’d love to say that this was an isolated incident or that it will be the last time my husband will be subjected to porn, but the truth is I’d only be kidding myself. The online porn epidemic is growing faster than you can say Amazon Prime. This totally bums me out. Not only have I personally been a victim of sexual assault but I’ve also witnessed several of my friend’s marriages fall apart due to their husband’s porn addictions and subsequent attempt to hide it.

When encountering a pussy snuffing type situation, my first instinct often includes a primal desire to lash out. However, the older I get, the more I realize that in order to be influential I must choose to focus my energy on being the best version of myself. In this case, it means honoring my right to speak freely, voice my opinions and leave the rest to the powers that be.

With that said, does it bother me that my husband doesn’t take a stance against the objectification of women? Absolutely! And I honestly hope that one day he will. In the meantime, the thing I’m left wondering is who is this pussy snuffing super star? How did she come to realize she could pussy snuff in the first place? Was it a bet? Was she hoping to make a quick buck or optimistically become a household name? Was she showing off her special talent to a partner who became disgruntled and leaked it to the world? Was she out of her mind on drugs? Did it ever occur to her that she’s negatively contributing to the perception of women in our culture? Or, does she simply like to pussy snuff?

These are the things I’m left to ponder. And that’s the thing about life, just when you think you’ve seen it all -BAM!- out of nowhere something like this hits your radar. And for me, at the end of the day, all I can do is roll my eyes, throw up my hands and say — Fucking Pussy Snuffing. Who woulda thunk?