I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t know what I’m going to write. I fucking suck. I suck big time dick. I am so useless. and I am good for nothing. I suck at work. I have a small dick. I have no confidence. I have shit job. I have shit all. I hate that I am so fucking useless.

And I am so guarded. I can’t open up to people. I can’t open up to Greg. I can’t open up to Robbie. I can’t open up to the guys. I can’t fucking do shit. And I am so fking bad because I can’t do anything with Cassia. She’s so smart, stubborn, independent, focused, and charismatic, and I can’t do shit to get her. Not get her attention. Don’t think she respects me. She does, but I want her admiration. I want her admiration. That’s what I crave for, and I am not getting it. I am useless. I want to be good at my job for her. To get her to notice me. How fking shallow am I… How fking insecure. How fking childish. How fking lame…. People ask me how old I am and I am just stunned because I know when they ask that they really mean how old are you to be still having these childish issues. and I am pretending I don’t know what they’re thinking, but it kills me inside out. It fking eats me away. And I’ve been all eaten away on the inside that I have a giant ass hole with nothing in it to feel or listen or connect with with other people. FUCK ME. FUCK YOU. Fuck you you stupid fking losers. making me feel so lonely. making me feel like a human garbage. making me feel like a retard. making me feel worthless. making me feel like I’m nothing. and never even looked at me. And fuck me for letting that carry on to my other relationships. Fuck me for not being a good leader. Not being a good role model. Not being someone I could help them with.

And fuck you for not being honest. for not telling me that I suck. for not telling me shit. for not telling me what’s on your mind. and judging me for who I am. I guess that’s the truth, Greg. That’s the truth. I suck. I can’t pull it together. I can’t pull myself together. I am a wreck. And I don’t think I’m helping you in any way possible. I am just dragging your energy down. And I’m sorry for that. I wish I could get out of my head while I’m working, but I couldn’t. I tried, or I tried to try. I just couldn’t get my shit together for more than 5 seconds. Andd I did it again. And I am so hyper critical of myself. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to stop typing, I’m scared of running away. I’m scared of … I don’t… ah…. c…. I… fuck!!! I can’t fucking think a normal person. I carjwajfnweiof awwiargnwefo wef wfwefawirgern o;aergwrfo ;wefawfn rgino ;aergerfn ;wefn ;rwgwrn ;gwarfno ;wefwrno ;fwrfno;wrfwo ;refwefo ;wrefao ;wrgawor ;fgawrafow;rgawergu;

FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FKCYO YOUF ROFDOFUKRIUGHWOUFWOURUORGURgojr