Sorry Seems (NOT) To Be The Hardest Word
Elton John was wrong when he sang that sorry seems to be the hardest word. No — nowadays the hardest word is, uh, no.
Think about it. There’s a reason the villain from the first James Bond film wasn’t called Dr. Yes: Nobody likes saying no, either to themselves or to others.
That’s because saying no is hard to do. It smacks of puritanical party pooping, which goes against the grain in a permissive, post-boomer world where everyone wants to have it all. Coined during the war on drugs, one of the most joyless slogans of recent times has to be: Just Say No. Nobody likes to miss out on stuff or let others down.
Even when we yearn to give the thumbs down, those around us can make it hard to do. Children know exactly what buttons to push to elicit a yes from parents who are desperate to keep the peace. What’s more, the world is now full of graduates of assertiveness-training courses who proudly “refuse to take no for an answer.” But this is folly: Sometimes the smartest thing to do is to make no your answer.
Yet changes in the job market have made the word no even less palatable. More of us are now self-employed, and the first rule of Freelance Club is never turn down work, ever. In fact, a consultant friend of mine has a dubious motto: “Say yes yes yes to everything, and then figure out later how to cram it all in.”
Delivering a smiling yes to everyone may seem polite, but it can cause more offense in the long run. Many of us accept invitations and then fail to show up because we’re too tired or overbooked .One way to avoid that kind of rudeness is to be honest with people -and yourself- and RSVP graciously with a no up front. Besides, saying yes to everything can strap you to a hamster wheel where there is never enough time to think, listen, rest, dream, savor or connect with other people. You’ll end up racing through life instead of living it.
Resisting the pressure to say yes brings other benefits too. It keeps you from being a doormat. It lightens your schedule so you can focus on the stuff that really matters. Hearing no more often might also make us less selfish, less inclined to expect the world to indulge our every whim. And the more you hear no, the sweeter yes sounds.
The bottom line is that one of the secrets of life is knowing when to say yea and when to say nay, to pinpoint what is essential and let the rest fall by the wayside. A good place to start is to pause, look at the big picture and reflect on what really counts. That way you can weed out the stuff that only seems essential, and then chuck it in the no trash can.
Let’s give the final word to one of the masters of the business universe. When asked for advice on how to stay ahead of the pack, the billionaire Warren Buffet made it clear that less yes is more: “The difference between successful people and very successful people,” he quipped, “is that very successful people say no to almost everything.”
