Dehydrated Heart

I waited for her to turn around before.
 I can wait again.

 She just has some shit to work out,

 but wait for what?
 She never did love me like I loved her
 I can’t make her.
 kill me already. come on universe.
 I have no place here.

 I’m an experiment gone wrong.
 I process differently this information
 life as we know it needs to adapt

 the sadness, the tears come from
 deep in my gut.
 I’m nauseous
 and cold sweaty.
 and slobbering.

 deep in my gut, it rises to the abdomen,
 then up the chest and through the throat,
 cool and airy. and finally settles in my brain.
 the brain is like a voice piece for this
 microbial sorrow.
 my heart may keep beating,
 but my insides are dying.
 the/…….\ will of my spirit
 to(………..) cast a spell on
 these elements
 is waning.

 crying her name
 between dry retches
 and lurching sobs..
 feeling my hurting heart in my chest.
 clutching my thick skull
 and milking the air with pale sweaty hands
 I pass the dim hours of this night.
 hoping for a sleep deeper than sleep
 to take me
 away from this pain body.
 for already my eyes are swelling,
 -the lights hurt
 and deep shadows form beneath my squinted, barely open eyes.

 hands reaching for the books of fate,
 turn an idle page,
 rip it out and roll a tarry cigar
 and a demon smokes me.

 a flu-like body removes itself
 from the bathroom floor by the toilet as belches
 from the bottom of a sulfurous ocean
 surface through white crusted lips
 and blow the cobwebs on my eyelashes with cold-water-not-slight splashes