I waited for her to turn around before.
I can wait again.
She just has some shit to work out,
but wait for what?
She never did love me like I loved her
I can’t make her.
kill me already. come on universe.
I have no place here.
I’m an experiment gone wrong.
I process differently this information
life as we know it needs to adapt
the sadness, the tears come from
deep in my gut.
and cold sweaty.
deep in my gut, it rises to the abdomen,
then up the chest and through the throat,
cool and airy. and finally settles in my brain.
the brain is like a voice piece for this
my heart may keep beating,
but my insides are dying.
the/…….\ will of my spirit
to(………..) cast a spell on
crying her name
between dry retches
and lurching sobs..
feeling my hurting heart in my chest.
clutching my thick skull
and milking the air with pale sweaty hands
I pass the dim hours of this night.
hoping for a sleep deeper than sleep
to take me
away from this pain body.
for already my eyes are swelling,
-the lights hurt
and deep shadows form beneath my squinted, barely open eyes.
hands reaching for the books of fate,
turn an idle page,
rip it out and roll a tarry cigar
and a demon smokes me.
a flu-like body removes itself
from the bathroom floor by the toilet as belches
from the bottom of a sulfurous ocean
surface through white crusted lips
and blow the cobwebs on my eyelashes with cold-water-not-slight splashes