Ejaculation control — 7 mistakes men make when trying to last longer in bed.

Let’s face it.

Most men would like to last longer, and most women wish their partners did.

The average man lasts three to five minutes, and that’s not enough for most women to orgasm. But it’s not even about the woman’s orgasm. Penetrative sex offers a particular kind of connection between partners. So naturally you would want it to last more than just a few minutes.

Although premature ejaculation is defined as ejaculating after less than two minutes from the moment of penetration, in my opinion, it is defined as ejaculating before both partners are ready for it.

“Premature ejaculation — Ejaculating before both partners are ready for it”
 ~ Eyal Matsliah

Men don’t have good sources to learn about sex, so they get one piece of advice from here, another from there, and this leads to mixed results. Sometimes they last longer, and at other times, they come too quickly.

Sounds familiar?

This is because there are some common mistakes that many men make. These errors lead to them having inconsistent results, or worse, even premature ejaculation.

I’ve compiled a list of these common mistakes to guide you to last longer, satisfy your woman and feel more confident as a man.

As you are reading through this list, you might recognize that you make one or more of these mistakes. That’s ok. It’s not your fault. Nobody told you what to do so don’t give yourself a hard time. Just understand why it is a mistake and learn what to do instead.

Mistake #1:

Forcefully stopping the ejaculation from coming out (aka Retrograde ejaculation or In-jaculation)

This ill-advised technique involves pressing your perineum, squeezing your cock shut or contracting your PC muscles AFTER you pass the point of no return, e.g., after the ejaculatory response has already started.

Why this is a mistake:

1. You still lose most or all of your sexual energy and stamina, so sex probably ends anyway
 2. Since you are forcing the ‘explosion’ to stay inside your body, it leads to erectile dysfunction, prostate damage, and other adverse effects.
 3. If you are inside your partner or if you penetrate her again, your cock still drips semen, and you might get her pregnant if you aren’t using adequate protection
 4. It doesn’t allow you to control your ejaculation because you still ejaculate into your bladder

Solution:

Avoid using this method. Learn how to control your ejaculation and stop well ahead of the point of no return.

Mistake #2:

Relying on cremes, pills, sprays, thick condoms and other instant solutions.

Why this is a mistake:

Instead of learning to last longer, these methods only provide temporary relief. You become dependent and reliant on an external solution. What if you don’t have it with you? What if you are just making out, and you get so aroused that you come in your pants? Some of these products might have side-effects that hurt your sex or your health. Viagra and its copies are proven to raise the risk of heart conditions, seizures, and strokes.

Furthermore, the de-sensitising products might affect your partner and cause her to have less pleasure. Last but not least, these products decrease your confidence as a lover. What if she finds out? Are you proud of the fact you are using these methods?

Solution:

Quit using these products and learn how to last longer with natural methods. Sure, it might take some time, but you will gain the certainty and confidence that you can do it by yourself. It starts with three simple steps:
 1. Feel how aroused you are
 2. Stop before it’s too late
 3. Move your sexual energy

Mistake #3:

Missing the ‘point of no return’.

Why this is a mistake:

The ‘point of no return’(PNR) is the moment when your arousal and pleasure becomes so intense, that your body automatically goes into the process of ejaculation, including the strong rhythmic contractions in your pelvic floor and the expelling of seminal fluid.

The PNR itself isn’t the peak of your pleasure. It’s about 80% of your satisfaction. But if you reach it, the process of ejaculation begins.

Men are so used to the process of arousal and pleasure quickly followed by ejaculation that they don’t notice how aroused they are, and thus they keep missing the point.

Solution:

If ejaculation occurs when you are too aroused — don’t get too aroused. Learn to recognize how aroused you are and how close you are to your PNR. Here’s one practice I teach in my “Ejaculation control program”: Start with a conscious self-pleasuring (masturbation) practice, arouse yourself and make sure you pause before you are too aroused. To be safe, stay between 40–60% of your pleasure. As you pause, allow the arousal to diminish and start again. Try to do it for at least 20 minutes. After 1–2 weeks of practice, engage in sex with your partner and make sure you stop well ahead of the PNR because the technique becomes much, um, harder, with a woman.

Mistake #4:

Coming once, so the next time is easier.

Why this is a mistake:

This is a very modern technique that men use. Sure, if you come once it helps you last longer the next time around. But at the same time, your arousal, interest, and passion are diminished, and you might also lose your erection. Moreover, you are telling yourself “I can’t last as long as I want for the first time.” You stay programmed to have premature ejaculation.

Solution:

Make every sexual interaction count. Commit to doing whatever you can to avoid ejaculation. Learn how to control your ejaculation instead of relying on crutches.

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Mistake #5:

Moving inside her until you come.

Why is this a mistake:

Penetration and friction intensify your pleasure and lead you to ejaculate. While you are moving, it’s harder to know if you are close to ejaculation or still in the ‘safe zone.’ And if you still continue, the pleasure will build up, and you will ejaculate.

Moreover, you might get too focused on your movements instead of feeling her. Sex isn’t just about penetration and friction, but about connection and elevation.

Solution:

Use the secret technique known as “The Pause.” It might come as a surprise, but it’s very useful, powerful and meaningful to take breaks during sex. Pausing allows your arousal to decrease so you could last longer. Some women might orgasm when their partner pauses because it enables them to relax and that relaxation brings about an orgasm. When you pause, simply stay inside her without moving. Relax your muscles. Look into each other’s eyes. Breathe together. Tell her you love her, or how hot she is; preferably both.

When you are just starting with the practice of ejaculation control, pause when you enter her, break every minute or two, pause before changing position, and specifically pause when you feel too aroused. If there’s any doubt — Pause. Pull out if needed. Then as you get better, break after every 3–5 minutes.

Mistake #6:

Staying too aroused without moving your sexual energy.

Why this is a mistake:

Many men who experiment with lasting longer get inconsistent results and hit a glass ceiling because of this mistake. Sexual energy is like having pressure inside a steam engine. Too little pressure, and there’s no movement, e.g., no erection or pleasure. Too much pressure/pleasure, and the engine explodes — you ejaculate. If you are too aroused, you are going to blow it. Even pausing or pulling out wouldn’t help. The moment you get back inside her, you are going to be on the edge again.

Solution:

To last longer, learn how to move your sexual energy away from your genitals, so your arousal decreases. For example, squeeze your PC muscle, empty your lungs of air and hold it, stare at your third eye, or pull out and do some push-ups, crunches, and squats. If you could do a handstand, shoulder stand, or headstand, that would move the energy even faster.

Yes, I know it sounds strange to do this in the middle of sex. But if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you are going to get the results you’ve always got. If you want to last longer, you need to try new things. Besides, if you have penetrative sex for an hour instead of five minutes, it’s ok to take a few breaks to move the energy. I once jumped out of bed and went into a headstand position. My partner exclaimed “Eyal! You are such a freak!’ But then she didn’t complain when I got back to bed and kept making love with her for another hour. Instead of being afraid of what others might think or say about you, allow yourself to do as you wish, to evolve and to express who you are.

Mistake #7:

Tension, effort and PC muscle squeezes.

Why this is a mistake:

Tension activates your sympathetic nervous system which is also responsible for the process of ejaculation. Tension makes it more challenging to notice how aroused you are and to manage to stop in time. Your tension makes your partner tensed as well, and when a woman is tensed, she doesn’t orgasm. While PC muscle squeezes are crucial for ejaculation control, doing them at the wrong time will cause you to ejaculate.

Solution:

Learn how to relax, both during sex and outside the bedroom. Explore gentle yoga, meditation, tai-chi and other practices that teach you to relax and direct your energy. Use some of these practices while you’re making love. Explore positions such as woman-on-top, side-to-side, or the famous yab-yum, where you don’t need to use your muscles or exert effort. Make sure that you breathe slowly into your lower belly (not your chest) and let the breath just fall out when you exhale.

There’s more…

Get your free guide here.

In the rest of this guide, you will learn:

  • 13 more crucial mistakes men make
  • Why thinking about something else during sex doesn’t work
  • How to move inside your woman, and when
  • How your partner can help you and what to avoid during sex
  • The mind-trick that will help you last longer
  • And much more…

My mission is to help men last longer, satisfy their women and use their sexual energy to make a difference in the world.

I know this guide could help you, so read it and let me know how it works for you.

In love and brotherhood,

Eyal Matsliah.
Human potential and sexuality coach

About the author:

Eyal Matsliah is an author, speaker, and coach.
He helps conscious business people to transform their sexual, professional and spiritual lives. They learn to harness their sexual energy to express their highest gifts, help others and create wealth.

Originally published at intimatepower.com

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