Rejection Sensitivity: The ADHD Symptom No One Talks About
Imagine you’re at work giving a presentation you’ve worked hard on and a coworker offers some strict but genuine criticism. Do you happily take their advice and keep their suggestion in mind, or do you immediately become offended and reply with a defensive statement. If you thought “yep, that’s me” to the latter, you might have what is known as rejection sensitive dysphoria, or rejection sensitivity.
Rejection sensitivity describes an overwhelming emotional sensation which one experiences when faced with either real or even perceived rejection. “Dysphoria”, with Greek origins, refers to rejection being “hard to bear” for those who suffer from rejection sensitivity. They may be labeled as “sensitive”, “defensive”, or even “insecure”, due to their inappropriate reactions in social situations.
Why is it important to recognize if this is something you suffer from? Well, for one, once you’ve become aware of it, you can begin to start practicing methods which may make it easier to deal with. The second reason, however, is also largely important: it may indicate that you also have ADHD.
According to WebMD, “Up to 99% of teens and adults with ADHD are more sensitive than usual to rejection. And nearly 1 in 3 say it’s the hardest part of living with ADHD.”
Of course, sensitivity to rejection is not enough for an ADHD diagnosis. If you however, also experience, say, disorganization, trouble focusing, and a poor memory, this may be your sign to go get tested. It also worth noting that this symptom is prominent in borderline personality disorder as well. Interestingly, these two disorders share a lot in common (read more here).
Anyways, so you have rejection sensitivity. How can you manage it? Rejection sensitivity can affect various factors of life including social, occupational, and even educational. As a person with both ADHD and rejection sensitivity, I even experience anxiety when checking professor’s feedback on an assignment. It is not easy to live with. So what can you do? Here are some methods I suggest:
- Adopt an optimistic attribute style. That is, make a conscious effort to view others’ actions as positive instead of negative. If the action seems undoubtedly negative to you, attribute it to some personal reason you may be unaware of, instead of assuming the intention was malicious. Over time, this thinking process will become routine for you, allowing you to understand events as neutral or positive instead of negative, and react accordingly.
- Try using the STOP method developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn. S for Stop: whatever you’re doing and take a brief pause. T for Take: a deep breath and attempt to center yourself. O for Observe: think about the situation and rationally walk yourself through it (did they really have bad intentions?). And finally, P for Proceed: now that you’ve had time to reflect on the situation with a clear mind, you may allow yourself to respond to the situation. This method is taught in cognitive behavioral therapy and is proving to be very useful and effective.
- Work on your self-esteem. Increased sensitivity to rejection is associated with low self-esteem, meaning that the lower your self-esteem, the more likely you are to take offense to things others may say or do. Thus, taking measures to improve your self-image and confidence may prove beneficial in dealing with criticism from others, as you will be less likely to experience emotional distress from negative feedback.
Overall, the first step to managing rejection sensitivity is realizing you have it. Growing up with ADHD, I was heavily affected by this without even knowing. Since I’ve been made aware, I’ve seen tremendous progress in the way I handle situations. Therefore, I’m confident that if you put your mind to it, you too can overcome your rejection sensitivity.
