I so appreciate your nuianced points Anna.
I’ve been robbed at gunpoint before and while it was really scary, it didn’t at all take from me any joy in future shared precious moments in the most trusted space I know (intimate space).
I think we have a puritanical view of sex in the US and we don’t like to talk about it. We think some sex acts are bad and weird (gay sex) and other sex acts are good (sex to make a 👶). And, we very much think about them as acts, transactional acts.
While some sex certainly can be transactional, the best sex, the kind that we use for bonding and expression, the kind where our deepest desires emerge, the kind society might not approve of, the kind that lets us let go and say what we feel and what we want and that lets someone see us at our most vulnerable … is the kind that comes with knowing and giving the other person a part of every part of you.
I think the missed analogy here is that people assume sexual violence is only stealing the joy in transactional sex from you. Like a bad one night stand.
Sexual violence destroys all of the tools we need most in life to connect with other people. It’s terrorism on human bonding.
Maybe a better bad analogy is not just someone stealing 5 dollars from you, but also destroying all forms of currency in the process. That the return of any money is not only a meaningless act, but also can’t be undone for you. It divorces you from your ability to buy food, shelter, or safety again in any way you knew how to before.