4 traits of a great software engineer — Part I
You should know by now that software is eating the world. You should also know that software jobs come with great perks, great salaries, not that great men / women ratio and most importantly, these jobs are everywhere.
With such benefits, there is no wonder you may want to work in a software company. If software offers great perks, and Socrates wants great perks, Socrates is in software. This is called deductive reasoning, and I just improved your problem solving skills. Believe me, they will come in handy.
The good news is that you can easily get up to speed in this industry if you are willing to put in the time. Programming tutorials, videos, conferences, online classes, workshops — you can find these more easily than unemployed liberal arts graduates or feminists these days.
Of course, with great perks comes great competition. Having the ability to jabber away about programming may be good enough to land that new job, but good enough is no longer the norm. Thankfully, I’m about to share with you a few tips that will give you that small advantage to really excel at your job, and crush your competition.
Be prepared to enter the land of office intrigue, psychological warfare and self-glorious efforts to prove your superiority — after all, you need something other than Facebook to pass your time at work.
Be intense
Just like in dating, the attitude is your most important asset at the work place. In dating there is also looks, charisma, money, cycle of the moon, the in-office president and others, but luckily for you, your co-workers can be impressed easier than a woman. They can also be impressed by a woman. Any woman.
Attitude is easy. Put on your noise cancelling headset and zone out while loudly typing for hours. In your rare breaks have intense and long stares at any co-worker that interacts with you. Then, stare at the ones that didn’t interact with you. Never smile. Adjust to rarely smile or always smile if superiors are around.
Pro tip: The previous techniques will surely make you the badass of your JavaScript team. At this point, try to grow a beard and be a bit more easy-going. Act like you know all the secrets. Smile a bit more. Laugh when superiors are around, but don’t forget that you usually need a reason for that.
Fake it til you make it
One of the hardest things to do as a programmer is to know it all. This is a must have in the transition from good to great. Since knowing everything requires a bit more commitment, I would advise you to save both time and energy by faking your knowledge. If applied well, soon enough you’ll become the go-to guy in your company.
Ask any girl, faking may seem strange at first, but you’ll get the hang of it. If the church was able to pull it of, so should you. And believe me, the church started with nothing. Also, they didn’t have Google back then.
Start with the premise that your co-workers know as little as you about stuff. Since they clearly have no idea about a thing, and they don’t know about this Google it phenomenon, you can easily gain their admiration by quoting some article you read on your way to work. That new framework everybody is talking about? Easy! Two minutes read in between Facebook scrolls, and you’ll know all about it. Best practices in any kind of field? Easier! Two and a half minutes read in your restroom break. What is the secret to success? Easiest! No read, you already know this one.
No idea about a subject? Improvise! It is proven that if you talk convincingly without actually making any point for long enough, people will start buying your crap. Be confident and calm.
Pro tip: Always use parallels and comparisons to prove your knowledge on multiple subjects. Use phrases such as X is just like Y but with these little improvements suggested by Z. You know about Z, right? Try growing a beard.
Maybe, you noticed that these tips are quite defensive in nature. Just like Sun Tzu says in the Art of War*, you just ensured a great defense by gaining a strong position inside your company. In the next article I’ll share two important skills you need to master in order to successfully attack your peers, and gain the psychological advantage.
*Art of War, Sun Tzu — own two copies of this book. Place one on your work desk, and the other one on your nightstand. Buy a third copy, and have it in your possession at all times.
Finally, I should mention that you shouldn’t worry too much about these techniques if you are a female in the world of software development. You are already set! Just try to show up, get used with the awkward interactions and ignore that weirdo who stares at everyone while acting like a know-it-all. Also, try avoiding growing a beard.
