To those who chase Charity

Iose' Magno
May 11, 2018 · Unlisted

I’ve looked at my humanity in the face and I’ve got horrified.

I’ve seen all the times I wasn’t really giving, cause I was giving to receive and I was receiving without giving.

Not from malice, but from weakness.

All the times I didn’t want to suffer the pain of the others and share it. I didn’t want, I didn’t want, I didn’t want to hear about always the same sad stories — painful, sacrificed, disappointing ones.

I got tired. I wanted joy. I wanted peace.

Couldn’t I have peace?

Then, I would have been trying to reduce afflictions in every way.

I wasn’t living for Charity. I was living for me.

I was using the others to please my part-time desire to love and help so that I could feel good about myself.

But I wasn’t good, I was bad.

Less bad than many others, yet still bad.

It wasn’t true love, it was just sentimentality.

It wasn’t true help, it was exhibitionism.

I wasn’t an instrument of God, so I couldn’t change things, nor bring peace.

I’ve looked at my humanity and I’ve judged its fruits.

I’ve seen that each time it took precedence I lost something.

I had no peace.

My humanity was making my life ugly.

I was used to say: “God will take care of him…”. “And what about this other one??”, “God will take care of him too…!”. “And this thing?”, “What I’m supposed to do about that? It’s a matter for God! He is the Mighty One, I’m only a man…”, and so on.

And God took care of.

And God protected his children.

And God glorified his name.

But the more it was all up to God, the more I became useless.

The more I became useless, the more I became sad.

Unlisted

Iose' Magno

Written by

Founder & CEO, Presence

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade