What I learnt in 6 months in the US as an International Graduate Student
Around a year ago, I received my acceptance letter from Duke University for Master of Arts in Economics program. It wasn’t the one and only school in the US that I applied (I also applied to PhD at Harvard but you know, it was a long shot), but the rest of the colleges were in Europe (including LSE, Bocconi, Barcelona GSE and University of Amsterdam). All of the colleges were in the cities that I would love to live in, except Duke. I applied just because it offers the best education and job market opportunities in Economics.
After I received my offer, I tried to find a scholarship in order to go there. The tuition and fees cost more than $50,000 per year without the living costs; so, it was extremely expensive for my family if you also consider the exchange rate disadvantage of Turkish Lira compared to USD. After stressful weeks, I could receive Sena Eken Schieber scholarship from Turkish Philanthropy Foundation (TPF) (which will be the topic of another post), and I ended up at Duke University in August 2016.
It has been 6 months in the US as a graduate student at Duke. Being a 24-years-old student coming from Istanbul, Turkey, I experienced both amazing and tiring circumstances. In this post, I focus on the social aspects of my experience until now:
1. Graduate school is much more demanding than undergrad. The content of the courses, the expectations of the professors, the pace and most importantly, competition among students are so different than it was in undergrad. I should note that being accepted to Duke is just the beginning. I knew that I was one of the best students at Bogazici University during undergrad but now, everyone is one of the best students from his/her city, university that he/she comes from. As time passes, I started to expect more and more from myself, trying to do more than my best (is that possible?) whenever possible.
2. I am surrounded by genius people, including faculty members, students and even cooks (I have to admit that Duke has better campus food that I can ever imagine!).
Networking is everything in the US. If you meet the right people, your chances to be successful at academic or professional life increase a lot. Fortunately, Duke provides this ecosystem with its collaborative environment through faculty and alumni.
3. I knew what would happen, but experiencing it is much different than imagining: You are alone. Totally, alone. Especially for the first months of your studies you feel it by heart. You are far from your family and your friends; most probably there are only a few people from your country at school that you know. And it doesn’t mean that you would be the best friends since you are from the same country. Thankfully, I was lucky enough to meet very nice Turkish people to spend time with. The point is that, when I don’t see those friends, I may spend a day without talking even one word in Turkish.
Well, it makes you feel more alone, and you realize the importance of speaking in your mother tongue.
4. Life is going on as it has done for everyone else. My friends, family and boyfriend keep going to the same places (like my favorite restaurant, café etc.) as they went when I was there. Of course they also do miss me, but it is not the same! I felt really bad when I couldn’t join them even in the simplest social activities, or small talks. For instance, I could have done anything to go to my boyfriend’s birthday party in Istanbul or I would prefer to be in Antalya with my parents when we had Matthew (the hurricane) here!
At first, I felt so ashamed, because I thought that I was only jealous. But, the reason was the following: I realized that I couldn’t be a part of the lives of the people that I care. Since I am far away from them, I can’t share the moments when they are happy, excited, sad or confused. The difference in time zone makes the communication harder: Turkey is 8 hours ahead of us.
I am continuously missing small moments in their lives. It made, and still makes me so sad, unfortunately.
5. Most of the people try to isolate themselves from social interactions. It is not like my Exchange semester in Paris, where everyone was there to meet new people from different cultures, and to travel. Most of my friends admit that they chose academic career to be freed from social interactions and responsibilities. Moreover, the flight tickets are extremely expensive and the distances are longer in the US compared to Europe. As a student, it makes travelling much harder financially even if you can find time to travel. Notwithstanding, making study groups and trying to convince them for extracurricular activities might create a chance to socialize and have fun. The people who were in my first study group, for example, became my best friends at Duke!
6. If you cannot find anyone to join for an activity, just go on your own. Last Saturday, I went to the basketball game (Duke vs. Wake Forest) and it was really fun! Also, I went to several classic music concerts and movie screenings at the campus alone.
7. Since it is hard to convince people for social activities, spend more time on your hobbies, or start to learn a new one: I haven’t exercised as frequent as I have done for previous 6 months! Also, I finished 3 puzzles and I often went to the music department to play the piano between my classes.
8. Durham is a small city. Actually, it is not even a city if you would ask me. Yes, there are nice restaurants and bars in downtown, but it is not enough for me to call a place “city”. As you know, Istanbul’s population is almost 17 million, much bigger than most of the European countries. So, I am used to see many people walking on the streets everyday. The smallest city I have ever lived is Antalya, which has almost 2 million inhabitants. And more importantly, Durham is not at the seaside. For two years I can stay here but in the long term, I know that I wouldn’t be happy to live here.
9. Food is still one of the main reasons for gathering people together.
I am used to eat healthy food like grilled meat, fish and vegetables cooked with olive oil (as we call “zeytinyagli” in Turkish); thus, I don’t prefer traditional American recipes for fried, greasy, fatty food mostly full of carbohydrate. Therefore, I cook for myself almost everyday for breakfast and dinner. I really enjoy cooking for my friends, and inviting them to my home for dinner. The gatherings with my Turkish friends are much better if we also have Raki (the traditional alcoholic beverage of Turkey, similar to Ouzo) :)
Conclusion: Moving to a totally new country, starting an extremely demanding graduate program, getting used to a new language, culture and people… The only way to succeed, I believe, is being at peace with oneself. Everyone can make mistakes; everyone might have some rough days and feel overwhelmed. Also, it is so likely to be homesick and it is totally fine! To move on, you should find something to boost your mood and motivation. For me, I call my boyfriend (yes, he is also my best friend!), do yoga, play the piano and catch up with friends. Music has always kept me calm and made me happy. The lifesaver activity can be different for everyone! It doesn’t have to be the most fancy activity in the world. You can go out and walk, sing, listen, observe. All you need is being able to get out of the cage of your concerns in your mind after that activity. And you should always keep in mind that all the struggles and your “survivor” lifestyle are worth to overcome.
I have been living here for only 6 months and I still have a lot of things to learn and to cope with. I’ll keep sharing my experience, feelings and advices.
Thank you for reading!
