Networking 101: The Guide You Needed Yesterday
In school, you learn everything except what you need to know
The 10 Corporate Commandments is a multi-part series for any hustler entering a dawg-eat-dawg world tryna’ get from the streets to the hills. The skills you THINK you need vs. the skills you ACTUALLY need are as similar as $2 and $2 billion.
The month of May has vacated the premises and gaggles of graduates will soon join companies that drizzle healthcare and benefits the way ya’ll shower Facebook likes on engagement photos. Alongside widdle college grads, seasoned recruits will be touchin’ MBAs and begin trekking up dat corporate ladder with Kobayashi hunger.
— — —
#QuickTip — What’s an MBA?
Bidness (often stylized as ‘Business’) schools award a ‘Master of Bidness Administration’ degree if you surrender $200k, take a few leadership seminars hungover and embark on a pilgrimage in Eastern Asia to “find yourself.”
Afterwards, you’ll gaze at a Dell, Lenovo or (for my #StartupFam) Apple monitor for 16 hours a day while dropping gems like, “well, at the end of the day, when you REALLY think about it…will this materially impact our bottom line?”
— — —
Well, here’s a 50 pound Black & Decker toolbox you’ll never open in school. Yank it open and you’ll spot a colossal sledgehammer with “NETWORKING” tattooed on the handle.
Commandment #1 — Thou shalt network or cease referring to thyself as a hustla
Consider this mad real example. A client hits you on the flip phone with the following text:
“Hey fam, I need 2.46 kilos of that Colombian by end of day. Thx.”
If you ain’t moving units like that and your metric system memories are hazy, you’ll be back in graduate school real quick. However, let’s say you graduated with such high honors in Chemistry that, in all caps on your degree it reads, “YOOOO IS YOUR REAL NAME SCARFACE LOL”
Even if you a hoodstar, what happens when Pablo finds a new jack who also Merlin status? Understand this: it’s your relationship with Pablo (and his goons) that’ll decide if your outlook is more Microsoft than Netscape. If all you do is live in the kitchen, cook up, bag up and dip out, you’re destined to end up back in the streets, the box, or worse — the pine box.
Understand this: it’s your relationship with Pablo (and his goons) that’ll decide if your outlook is more Microsoft than Netscape.
Honestly tho: networking is like twerking
If you got skills, you’ll be the Beyonce of your business unit. Read these reasons, use these tactics and pretty soon, people’ll treat you like you walkin’ round with a permanent Snapchat Flower Crown.
Free mentoring: people you don’t report to will keep it 100 with you
Sitting with your boss could be mad awkward if you ain’t already super tight. Seeking advice or the dreaded “F word”, feedback, may lead to early onset shookness. Even if you and your manager be tagging each other in the @TheFatJewish comments section, why limit yourself to one advisor?
Get greedy — these OGs have probably experienced what you’re drinking over and they’ll show you the ropes if you move smoothly. Having ballers audit ideas, opinions and tough situations is a power move that’ll have you on level 2 while your peers are stuck on the Start screen.
Sample questions for your ‘free mentoring’ convo:
- I’m working on [abc project] and here’s where I’m struggling. What do you think about my approach fam?
- I saw you and my manager started together in the trenches. Help a hustler out tho — what’s the best way to work with her?
- What are some habits new jacks should be doing right now to get a corner office one day (or a fat bonus this year)?
- Yo I ain’t from a target school like these Kevins and Brandons; these streets ain’t familiar — who else can you introduce me to?
Directions without Google Maps: find pathways, create destinations
Most hustlers arrive thinking they have the next decade figured out, hour by hour. If that ain’t you, don’t be shook — this is normal (most people out here bluffin’ anyway).
The mid-level OGs around you (referred to as “Vice Presidents”) can easily put they arms around you and show you a path (or five) based on your skills (or at least tell you what you definitely won’t be doin’).
Find someone you wouldn’t mind running into at 1am and go for a coffee, snack or Kombucha and lob these over the plate:
- You told me you started in [xyz team] and transitioned over to [abc team]. What’s the process and when should a young hustler think about movin’ around?
- I’m tryna get promoted. When you was in my Nikes, how’d you do it?
- How do promotions work here? Are there cheat codes?
- Everybody in my class be talking ‘bout joining [competitor/start-up/other industry] — this sensible or nah?
Build your buzz: you can’t be the plug if they don’t know who you is
The best part about meeting people in or outside of your grindcenter is they meet you too playa. If they like you, they’ll remember you. If they remember you, they’ll find you when lit opportunities or burning questions arise.
When you become the go-to-girl (or guy), you are now called “The Plug.”
The Plug ain’t on the computer because they ballin’ on the phone. The Plug knows about the company’s new initiative three weeks before it’s a “new initiative.” If ish popping off and the grindhouse at Homeland Security Level Blood Red, before calling the Board of Directors, your CEO will Facetime the Plug.
Here’s how you can begin your evolutionary journey towards Plughood
Keep it corporate but keep it 100 — casually mention big projects and wins but focus real heavy on your interests. The goal is to have the Networkee walk away thinking “yo they prolly nice with the Macbook but I really mess with dude/sis cuz they remind me of a younger me.”
- You reppin’ any charitable organizations? Back in college, I…
- Oh you watch Game of Thrones like 100 milli other Americans? Me too! Here’s what I thought…
- Bruh, you went to [xyz school]? Your boy hustled out of [relevant comparison]…
- If your kids on IG, make sure they don’t follow these ratchet accounts (that you should totally follow tho)…
So now you woke. What else?
People will remember what’s most important to them — your job is to put the information out there, so when the time comes, they chirp your Nextel first.
We got 9 more commandments for you tho — sneak preview:
- Ferragamo, Nike, Mercedes-Benz, [Your Name] — whatchu know ‘bout dat personal brand?
- Did you notice the typo in this sentence? If you did, an attention-to-detail workshop is in order (shoutout to my hustlers who read it twice tho)
- Managing your manager — how to stop the trickles of sweat and electricity you feel before sending that “hi, do you like, mind, if I like, go on a vacat…” e-mail
Subscribe to our newsletter and follow us on social media if cash rules everything around you:
