Trapped soulā¦
Growing up, I saw the struggles of my mom trying to fix a relationship that was already broken. My dad had a mistress, and my mom knew about it, but she still chose to forgive him for the sake of our family. They always fought, even over small things, and as a little girl, I would just sit in the corner, crying and watching them not being able to do anything. A little girl who always comfort her mother and telling her not to commit suicide.
The day my mom decided to leave my dad, and my dad chose to live with his mistress and their child, was the day my world shattered. Since then, I have always struggled to accept this reality. The reality that they left me alone. Years passed, and they have already started a new family. I'm happy for my mom because she has finally found the happiness and love she longed for with dad.
Now that I am a teenager, it feels so unfair, you know why? Mom and Dad are already happy with their new family, but here I am, sitting in a dark room, crying my heart out, questioning my existence, and wondering why I can't have that happiness too. I always envy those teenagers who don't have emotionally and mentally absent parents.
My relationship with my grandmother is not quite good and stable. They forbid me to go out but I still managed to find my ways to hang out with my friends, because they're only my escape, but i still don't feel free.
Another year has passed, and I believe I am finally feeling better. I have found myself again after many years of feeling lost. I have started stepping out of my comfort zone. But who am I fooling? I am still haunted every night by the past that holds me back from moving forward. I have pleaded with God to end the pain and take me with Him.
He listened. Instead of taking me with Him, He eased the pain for a while, allowing me to breathe without the weight of the past. I have been trying to step out of my comfort zone again, but this time, I am taking it slowly. Gradually, I have started to taste the freedom I have yearned for all these years.
I learn to accept the reality day-by-day, allowing my self to move forward and not be trapped by the past. I learn to forgive other people without them asking for my forgiveness. Now, I can confidently say that I am progressing and have already begun to experience the freedom and happiness I have longed for.
