Struggles These Days

I’ve been trying to write something worth reading, honestly. But still, I have nothing until now. And to make things worse, I just realized that weekend has always been a moment for me to reminisce. There is no #TBT for me, but hell yeah, I am not an example who can easily move on and do something better to pass the time.

My struggles these days are not about looking for something to write about. Ideas and my brain are such a good friend. And honestly, I always keep my mind busy or occupied at any moment. So, looking for inspirations are not a big deal for me.

My struggle is always relating to myself eventually. I am indifferent, and by that means “the state of feeling where you just don’t care about taking an action. The problem with indifference is that sometimes you are aware that doing that thing or taking that action will take you much benefit but still you do nothing.” (Source)

I think I might have written anything that I need to start a story, but then I still didn’t write. Not until I type this while listening to Alexandre Desplat’s Alan from The Imitation Game’s soundtrack (Benedict Cumberbatch’s movie released in 2014). Last time I checked, which was happened to be this afterning, I was still not making any progress. I was stuck with this whole new universe that I’ve been eager to make, whether the universe planned to be all fictional or an alternate universe.

The reason why I need to invent my own universe is because of this (quite) long-term project which should have been started since 2009. Jealousy could be one of other reasons actually. Although I hate to admit it, I just cannot overcome the feeling of being annoyed to see other fellow writers who invented their own universe so all of their characters can live there “happily” ever after. Because, our universe somehow are no longer suitable to dwell in.

But, scratch that.

The real struggle is actually to come up with a brand new thing and make it easy to understand and acceptable. I was meant to invent something new, something fresh from the oven about this girl who thought she was a Muggle-born until she accidentally bumped into her parents who were unknowingly members of The Ministry of Magic.

Of course I didn’t mean to hijack Mrs. Rowling’s universe whatsoever, I just put it as an example. But you got my point, don’t you?

And then again, I take writing as an advanced learning process. I usually would not study about something willingly, even that’s for academic purposes. Believe me. In fact, I am kind of a lazy student. I don’t like studying and reading seriously boring, long passage got me sleepy for the first five minutes. *sigh*

Now, what am I supposed to do? I wish my mind can be settled free from any kind of distractions because I really don’t need them at the moment. Please.

— Jatinangor, while listening to Ruelle’s War of Heart, favorite song at the meantime. Also, I am thinking about starting a Clalec’s fan fiction but still not so sure because I didn’t read The Mortal Instruments and the rest. I only fell in love with The Shadowhunters’ casts. They’re perfect, despite of the split fandom, that’s all I know.