Times I Almost Adult-ed

I said to no one, “This is the year I’ll do my taxes by myself,” but then called my Dad crying instead.

I went to get tested at the free clinic, and when the woman asked me who my primary physician was, I was all like, “idk.”

I brought a cookbook to the grocery store so I could buy ingredients for real meals, but I looked at one recipe and thought, “that is too many things,” and then spent six dollars on a fucking Kombucha.

I bought Thank You cards and lost them immediately.

I said, “I’m not gonna drink this weekend,” and then just did a bunch of cocaine instead.

I called a friend just to “chat,” but hated it.

I wrote down a list of ways to better myself in my journal, then brought said journal to a comedy show, got blackout and cried about my breakup while eating fries at the bar, and woke up with the journal nowhere to be found.

I bought vitamins once.

I wrote a list of things to do and people to email, then looked at my ex’s Instagram until I decided I deserved a soy latte at that obnoxiously hip cafe down the street with the barista who hates me.

I told my mom I can schedule my own dentist appointments, and am now just gonna never go to the dentist again.

I went to yoga and thought “This is not for me.”

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