If Somebody Ever Offers Me a Day Off

These days, I feel like such a frump. I interchange about five outfits for going out since I refuse to buy new clothes that suit my current size. I am convinced that I can go back to my pre-children shape one day so it would be a waste to buy clothes in a much bigger size. Ain’t denial a sad thing?

I also wear no makeup, not even powder, so my face when people see me is a shiny yet pasty beacon of haggard motherhood — every blemish displayed and every line undisguised. It is mostly pale from exhaustion, although my cheeks may also sometimes glow red from exertion (like from rushing from a potty episode to a diaper change to my own trip to the bathroom — forget women with coinciding menstrual cycles; in this household, synchronicity is evident in the call of the toilet) and my eyes may sport dark purple circles from the lack of sleep. At times, there may also be some red puffiness on the lids from all the hormonal crying I do.

Should we even mention my hair? It’s ordinarily already a dry and wiry excuse for a crowning misery, but with no effort whatsoever to make it look even just a tad presentable, it’s usually this frizzy mess of a ponytail. I took my son to the salon for a haircut some time back and the owner badgered me nonstop about styling my hair. He recommended whacking off most of it (“You just tie it anyway, so let’s just lop it all off so you won’t have to bother. Long hair is for those who have the patience and time to mess around with their locks.”), rebonding, and highlights, at least. Yeah, I didn’t ask for his opinion, so I’ll just stick to this wire scouring pad I call my hair, thank you very much.

Are you depressed enough or should we go on and proceed to talk about my blubber? You’re good? Okay. So, “I’m not at my prettiest” is the understatement I will share with you, but, really, I can’t bring myself to care enough to do something about it. I just don’t have the time or the energy. I’m always looking for more hours to do tasks that need to get done, but are just discarded by the wayside like so much roadkill.

Sometimes, I take a break (by nursing the baby) and indulge in fancy. What would I do if I can get a day off? I think I might actually go to the salon for a trim, some keratin treatment, and maybe highlights. I’d then go to a spa for some massage and facial. And I’ll go to the dentist for some dental cleaning and whitening. Do I have more hours? I might meet up with some long-neglected friends too.

Who am I kidding? I get a day off and I’ll probably just lie down in bed and sleep as much as I want. I may even find my way to the bathroom and have an unrushed shower, what luxury!

Whether it’s a day of pampering and beautifying or uninterrupted sleep and unrushed shower, I’ll take it. I’m way overdue for any kind of day off.

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