December 5th 9:03 pm. . .

So I think I should start writing in a journal…but my messy handwriting makes me unmotivated so I’ll just start writing here. My goal by the end of this is to gain a better understanding of myself, my thoughts, and what I truly hope to accomplish in the world. Yea..all that good stuff.

Where shall I begin.hm.. How about my day? Well, it was pretty great. Ate alot of yummy food, craved mac and cheese but discovered that I had a thing for mini creme puffs too. Maybe this is a sign. Anywho, through the meeting today, I felt so split. As if my desires were driving me everywhere at once. I wanted to talk to him but another side me wanted to just sit back and wait. I really wish he would speak to me. There is so much I want to say to him, so much that was left unsaid at the dance. Whatever that was happening at Mball was…special. So special that I wish I could’ve captured the moment in a jar and cherish it forever. But whenever I see him, I feel as if the moment is gone with him. As if…he has no recollection of it and the chances of it being revived is zero to none. Oh yea, I think I started to say this but uh.. I wish he would have the guts to talk to me like other guys who has shown interest. I wish he would try. Just try.

At this moment, I pretty stressed from work, school, and my social life. For my social life, I wish things would move a little faster with him. For work, I want more shifts but I also need time for myself, to relax and “me time”. For school, all the work I need to do is making me a little crazy. My online class requires so much writing in one week, that it makes me wonder and question if I have the necessary skills and ability to accomplish it all. But I know that in a while from now, when all this is done… I’ll look back and say to myself “Of course you had it in you to do it all. You are so much stronger than you think you are. You can do it Irene. I believe in you.”

Future me.. I wish you are happy. I hope with all my heart that wherever you are and whoever you are with or in the presence of.. that you are truly happy.

Until next post, sayonara. . .