I fear. . .

I fear. . .

Being in a love-less marriage. Coming home and “hello” “good night” is all that is exchanged between the two of us. Perhaps that is why I don’t see marriage in my future.

I fear the feeling of being the last one still in love. When the other person has moved on or even worse, became disinterested. But this pain, this longing is different. It does not come once when the realization hits. It comes like rhythmic punches, every single time you find yourself still in love with them.

Perhaps that is why I always go to such extremes with my feelings. I keep em at bay in the beginning and then when I fall, it’s too deep. I always hope to be the one that leaves the feelings behind first but it never ends up that way.

Each time, I tell myself to drop the feelings before I fall too deep. Each time, I’m too deep to listen.

“Stop. Stop before it’s too late. He doesn’t like you the same way.”

But I become so blinded to all the voices that mean well and instead, my feelings grow…