I decided to write after 8.5 years that I didn’t write a sentence about my feelings, about what’s going on in my life. I was too afraid to face with the reality around me, and I was too busy in achieving my goals.
My grandma who was always here for me — gone. It’s even hard for me to write it down… she is not here with me.
Her last words were: be strong! But I don’t know how? How to be strong when she doesn’t support me?
I wish I can call her now and on the other side of the phone to hear :
It will pass! Be strong!
During hard times I had, and I had them a lot in my life — I had her, even she was thousands of kilometers away, but at least I could hear her voice.
She was the strongest person I knew so far, she was the most charismatic person I knew so far, and she was the most positive person I knew so far.
I don’t know who will tell me from now on: it will pass! Be strong!
I don’t know what people said to themselves in hard times.
I decided to write and search for the answers how to be strong , how to go through all the stones I will face on my way.
The only thing is helping me not to spread in small pieces is a belief that she can see me from there … and for sure, she wouldn’t be happy to see me crying.
I left my office in the middle of the day because couldn’t hold my tears anymore. I’m seating on the grass, and trying to stop crying and searching in my mind for something that will help me. However, 1.5 hour passed already and my tears just there.
Usually in Hollywood movies, it is the moment when Prince Charming would come or any other character who will help me… not in real life.
In real life, I have to find by myself my secret of being a strong person.