Meteorologists Drop Mics in Dramatic Fashion at Hurricane Guessing Conference

Tim Ballisty

Caribou, ME — Forecasters today announced their latest outlook for the upcoming 2015 Atlantic hurricane season. During a press conference held at the Global Weather Fortress in still snow-covered Caribou, Maine, meteorologists yelled out three numbers in a highly confident and imposing manner — 16, 8, and 3. The meteorologists did not offer any context to these values; answering every question thrown at them by just repeating 16, 8, and 3. Sometimes they would start a response with “I think that” or “It behooves us” or “At the end of the day” but then quickly coughed as if to clear their throats and finished with “soooo….16, 8, and 3” often ending with a comic book noise such as “Sha-ZAM!” or “Ka-POW!” while pumping their fists like Tiger Woods of yesteryear sinking a much-needed birdie. When pressured by reporters on whether the numbers signified anything, the three scientists huddled together and whispered back and forth to each other for several minutes, sometimes softly chuckling. When the huddle broke they all picked up their mics off their respective mic stands, again uttered the now well-known numbers in unison, dropped their mics, and walked offstage in a strange slow-motion manner as if they were protagonists in an action movie walking away from an explosion they purposefully triggered. At the time of publication, the meaning of the numbers were still unknown but another press conference has already been scheduled by the aforementioned meteorologists for May 31, the day before the start of the Atlantic hurricane season.

    Tim Ballisty

    Written by

    Meteorologist. You can find me on Twitter @Irisheagle,

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