…rmor is the exhaustive efforts I put forth to be loved. This pattern is often birthed in childhood. At some point in my undeveloped mind, at least one of my partners conditioned me to have to earn love. As I grew up, I felt I had to put forth immense effort to prove myself worthy of love and affection.
So as an adult, if I receive affection and love without earning it, I won’t value it. Since I only value what I put effort into, I will choose an intimate partner who is unwilling to open up and be vulnerable. As a result, I will do anything to win her acceptance, affection, and love.