How often do you cry in the car?
I am sure most mums can relate to this. We are the humans having most melt downs and experiencing the most guilt for not doing enough. For not being enough. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I can never reach my own standards. But what if these standards are not mine, coming from within me?
I often fear I am not being the best mum. What if my son grows up being an abuser because I am not doing a good job now?
I know I am fully responsible for the upbringing of my child so I fear if I am doing enough. When I have several bad days, I lose all my patience. How can I possibly be composed around him when my head will explode of worries? Well, ideally I smile back at my son and be there with him. But when I fail and tears run down my face and anger boils my blood that too is part of me.
And I need to accept the challenges of life and learn to cope better each time. But anger, fear, tears, doubt, they are all part of the human life. You mustn’t feel guilty for feeling negative emotions. You mustn’t feel guilty for needing a break to cry and pull your thoughts together. It is part of human nature and your kids will feel these emotions too. All you can do is help them develop healthy coping mechanisms and reassure them it is ok to let off the steam when needed.
I don’t want to snap at my child. I hate when I do that. I can see confusion in his eyes.
Why am I reacting like this? His behaviours are not new. Why today I choose to shout at him? And he is right. I shouldn’t be doing it because it is not him at fault. I am unable to digest my emotions and I take it out on him. Or anybody else in the house for the matter. Or anybody in traffic. Or my neighbours.
When anger is bursting out of you, make a wise decision. Go in the car, park, garden, garage, storage room, whatever you have available and cry it out.
Let the steam off and come back to your normal self. It is ok to feel overwhelmed and experience negative feelings. It is not ok to hold on to it and take it out on your family.
Your kids are the most precious to you. I know that for a fact. If you give yourself time to digest your emotions, you are protecting them. And the more you do that, less mum guilt you will experience.
Crying is good. It removes stress, worries; it helps you find solutions. It makes you a better mum and woman. Don’t feel ashamed for having ‘meltdowns’. You are brave enough to give yourself time to digest your worries, so you can be the best mum afterwards. I know the pressure of the outside world. Pretending everything is perfect and you are living the dream. Pretending 4 hours sleep per night is too much. Pretending you love cooking, cleaning and doing laundry non stop. Pretending work wasn’t exhausting. Pretending your sex life hasn’t changed after becoming a parent.
When you have a ‘meltdown’ you don’t need to pretend anymore. You can be yourself. You can accept your emotions and your thoughts and heal.
Try it out and I promise you will be better. You will digest worries much better and you will snap less. You will be more controlled around your family during hard times and be a role model for the whole family.
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