My Self-Talk When I See a Cute Girl

She’s really cute. I should go talk to her.

What if she has a boyfriend, or even worse, a husband!

She’s not wearing a ring. OK, I should go talk to her.

How’s my hair? Do I have anything stuck in my teeth? My phone has a front-facing camera. Cha-ching!

What angle should I approach this from? Compliment her on her style? No, that’s too cliché.

Tell her she’s cute. That’ll work.

No, wait, that’s already obvious and an accepted fact. Don’t do that. Just say “hello.”

Now that’s just creepy. Who just says “hello” these days?

Mention the weather to her. There’s something you two will automatically have in common! You’re a genius.

Repeat “how’s the weather treating you” in your head, but in a casual tone. Practice makes perfect.

Before you go, check your breath. That’s usually a showstopper. My phone has a bad breath checker app. Cha-ching!

My heart rate is increasing. I should check my pulse. I definitely don’t want this to turn into a serious medical condition.

Damn, it’s not slowing down. Just breathe. Deep inhales. You’ve been training for this moment.

OK, it’s slowing down. Now, go. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Oh…she’s getting into an Uber. Well, I’ll always have next time.