Nah, You Can’t Vote: A Scene

Setting: Senate Committee hearing room

The United States Senate Committee on Privileges and Elections has called several members of the academic community to a hearing to discuss the upcoming elections. These members include a constitutional law professor from Harvard, a history professor from Howard, a mathematician from MIT, and a high school senior from Alabama.

CHAIRMAN: I yield the floor to the senator from Texas.

TEXAS SENATOR: Thank you, Madam Chair. Now, Mr, uhh, Mr. Kyle Smith. You, sir, are a high school senior from the state of Alabama, is that right?

KYLE: (leans into microphone) Uhh, yeah.

SENATOR: Ok, and in March 2020, on your 18th birthday, you tweeted (puts on thin frame glasses) and I quote, “EFF 12, EFF my punk ass dad, and EFF Mrs Johnson. RIP Pop Smoke. Free Six Nine. Cardi 2020.” Is that right Mr. Kyle?

KYLE: (leans into microphone) Uhh, yeah.

SENATOR: And, uhh, who is Mrs Johnson, Mr Kyle?

KYLE: (leans into microphone) Uhh, she one of my teachers. (grabs microphone, starts yelling) I caught her in the driveway in the car with my dad behind my mom’s back, so fuck her and fuck my dad!

SENATE CHAIRMAN: (bangs gavel) Mr Kyle, language.

KYLE: (leans back in seat) Sorry, Your Honor.

SENATOR: Now, Dr. Whitney Waiters, you’re a Harvard Law professor, is that right?

WAITERS: Yes, sir. I have been at Harvard for 12 years as a professor teaching Constitutional Law.

SENATOR: Yes, ma’am, and according to the Constitution of the United States, what is the legal voting age?

WAITERS: Eighteen, sir.

SENATOR: Thank you, ma’am. And Dr Andre Johnson, you’re a history professor at Howard University.

JOHNSON: Yes, sir.

SENATOR: Sir, can you recall the falling of the twin towers in New York City?

JOHNSON: Yes, sir. The New York World Trade Center Towers fell due to an act of international terrorism on September 11th, 2001. It was a day not unlike December 7th, 1941, the day Pearl Harbor was attacked in that it, if even for a moment, galvanized the country.

SENATOR: Yes, sir. Thank you for that. And Mr. Kamal Sundar, you are a mathematician from MIT, correct?

SUNDAR: Yes, sir. I am a PhD candidate studying Advanced Mathematics.

SENATOR: Yes, sir. And could you tell us how long it has been from the events of 9/11 to today?

SUNDAR: 19 years, sir.

SENATOR: And what is the legal voting age again?

WAITERS: Uhh, 18 sir.

SENATOR: And how old are you, Mr Kyle?

KYLE: (looks up from his phone) huh?

END.