Tana Mongeau: Navigating Trauma, Setting Boundaries, and Prioritizing Mental Health
Tana Mongeau has been uploading YouTube videos to the platform since she was 16 years old. The now 25-year-old YouTube sensation and co-host of the CANCELLED Podcast with Brooke Schofield, has been riding the wave of success for years, selling out nationwide tours and having renowned podcast guests like Jelly Roll and Bunnie XO. But her journey to fame hasn’t been all glitz and glamor. Behind the camera, Tana’s story is one of resilience in the face of a tumultuous upbringing.
Growing up in Las Vegas, Tana’s childhood was far from typical. With parents who she felt didn’t provide the love and stability she needed, Tana found solace in the family of her best friend, Imari Stuart. “My best friend’s family, like, basically adopted me when I was like, 13. Like, took me in. Now every holiday I go see them. They’re my family 100%,” Tana shared on the H3 podcast with Ethan and Hila Klein in 2023.
During Tana’s H3 Podcast appearance, she shared how her need for self-reliance began early. “By 14, I was like staying with my friends for months at a time,” she recalled. “It was just a very volatile environment,” she added.
Despite the instability, Tana remained fiercely independent. “I did everything on my own for as long as I remember,” she said. Her circumstances sadly led her to make the decision to drop out of school. “Anytime I really needed to fall on a parental figure for anything, it was always my best friend’s family.”
Tana’s relationship with her biological parents remained extremely contentious for years. On the H3 Podcast, she hinted at a history of abuse and legal battles, carefully navigating the conversation due to legal constraints.
“It sounds like there was abuse. It sounds like it was a really traumatic [experience]” Ethan Klein suggested.
“I’ve said that before and then I’ve been in court having to almost pay millions of dollars for slander.” Tana said, putting slander in air quotes. “I signed a non-disparagement.”
Tana recounts receiving a letter, recalling, “[it] basically said you said these things on this reality show [when we] kind of toured my childhood homes and I said a lot of things that someone in court could say [could] create a loss of income.” Reflecting on the experience, she shares, “It was just awful for my mental state as well, like, having to just, like, relive so much stuff all the time that to me, I felt like I had been beginning to put to rest.”
Choosing to expedite the process and distance herself from her parents, Tana opted to settle and pay them “a couple hundred thousand dollars.” Describing the pivotal moment, she reveals, “That was, like, the day in my head where they really, like, they were dead to me, you know what I mean? Because if you can do that to your kid, you suck.”
In a recent episode of CANCELLED, Tana opened up about her mother’s attempt to get Tana to talk to her after falling ill with COVID two years ago. Struggling with complex emotions, Tana grappled with the decision to maintain distance. “Are they going to die one day, and you keep no contact?” she pondered, highlighting the internal conflict many survivors of trauma face. She decided then that there was nothing she had left to say to her parents. She tells her co-host Brooke about finding support in online communities of people raised by narcissists.
The situation grew more intense as Tana’s mother told the mother of Tana’s childhood friend, Isabella Fusco, that if she didn’t give her Tana’s address that she would just show up to see Tana at a show of the CANCELLED tour. From then on, Tana had to deal with the stress of the possibility of her mother making an unexpected appearance at any of her shows. The anxiety of potential encounters with her mother reached a peak during a celebrity poker match in Las Vegas, where her worst fears were realized. Tana got second place in the competition and went to reunite with her boyfriend, Makoa, who immediately pulled her to the side to let her know her mother was there. Despite her success in the tournament, Tana was confronted with a flood of emotions, unable to enjoy her triumph.
Tana didn’t talk to her mom at the tournament but later decided to text her. Tana describes her mom’s pleas over text, “I love you, I miss you, I want to reconnect,” and the effect of her words on Tana.
“I really thought to myself, I was like, I’m going to take this as the last time I probably ever speak to her. So like, I’m gonna say my big one.” Tana relayed to Brooke.
Tana shares what all she started to say to her mother, “You can’t even say, like, ‘reconnect’, like, I don’t think we ever connected [in the first place].” She shares a feeling that many who have gone through abusive situations have felt, “I spent my whole life feeling like I was raising you guys, and I don’t want to be put in that position again.”
“I often think of you as, like, a young girl and it makes me sad.” Another common feeling that leads victims to feel sympathy for their abusers, leading to guilt for removing them from their lives. “You actively chose to sue me and take money from me over having a relationship with me.”
Brooke and Tana’s emotional discussion led to the topic of No Contact — a radical approach to self-preservation and healing. “The only way is no contact, in my opinion,” she asserted, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries with toxic individuals. This method, characterized by cutting off all ties with harmful influences, serves as a lifeline for survivors of trauma seeking to reclaim their autonomy and well-being.
“It’s like getting back into a toxic relationship, and it’s like… why [choose that]?” Brooke added.
“I just had to choose, like, my own peace.” Tana said. “I felt so horrible about it until I found out that there was, like, a whole community of people.” She added. Online communities, such as on TikTok and Reddit, are available for people going through the end of toxic and abusive relationships. The No Contact method gets discussed heavily in these communities, along with other methods, such as Grey Rocking, which also establishes hard boundaries with toxic people. Ariana Madix, star of Vanderpump Rules, has recently mentioned Grey Rocking as a method that she’s employed through the catastrophic end to her 10-year relationship with co-star Tom Sandoval. These methods are gaining popularity as a way to protect the mental peace of the person exiting a toxic situation.
Reflecting on her tumultuous past, Tana expressed gratitude for the unwavering support of her chosen family. About Imari Stuart’s mom, Debbie, she said, “I’m so grateful for her. I love her so much. She’s been, like, the best,” she said, highlighting the importance of surrounding oneself with positive influences. “She’s got three fucking kids of her own and she did not have to like, show up for me the way that she has.”
Tana’s journey towards healing is a poignant reminder of the profound impact of trauma on mental health and the importance of prioritizing self-care. Despite the challenges she has faced, she continues to rise above these struggles, inspiring millions with her candidness and courage. As she navigates the complexities of fame and family, Tana’s unfiltered honesty serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of authenticity and vulnerability.