I’m Proud to be a Pussy

A Self Reflection of Masculinity and Emotions

December 3rd 2015 and TW/Suicide

Stop being a pussy was the first insult I received when I was 6

I fell off the monkey bars in front of the 3rd graders and

I guess tears couldn’t come from a boys eyes

Something I didn’t realize and still don’t seem to get

Like masculinity is a noose around my emotions neck

While the whip of society cracks in the air threatening me into submission

That was the last day I cried in public “unjustified”

My tears turned to fear

Fear of not being accepted to the status quo

I learned to laugh when I wanted to cry

And I played the jester for most of my life

Until the feelings boiled over

And I attempted my first suicide

Twice, three times, I stopped counting at 15

It wasn’t worth chronicling anymore

I broke into my final piece

A turn of events helped me get back on track

Running the race of life without looking back

I pretended all my trials and tribulations were something stuck in the past

But until I realized the struggle made me who I was my vigor wouldn’t last

So I gathered all my pieces together in one place

I started creating a beautiful mosaic out of the fate I have faced

The broken pieces blending perfectly into a magical masterpiece

Me, my emotions, unapologetically

I looked normal right in the face

Showed them my work and told them I think

That this masterpiece is more important then the space

That you allow people to be trapped in and loved for being fake

Hiding their real self in hopes to catch the next break

Into something that neither is needed or wanted

But to just fit in to your convoluted corruption

I’m a beautiful masterpiece, a mosaic, with emotions and tears

I’m a boy who cries and I’m a boy who feels

More then he’s suppose to and more then you’ve ever feared

Because he doesn’t abide by the status quo

I’m a walking political nightmare

I make statements with my existence

I break rules with my face

I cry, I feel, I’m a queer black man who has faced

Adversity, discrimination and conflicting tastes

But I exist and I write and I speak

About my experience, my feelings and my fears

I’m a pussy

I’m 6 years old again

Expect I don’t care what they say

I’m a pussy, I’m proud and your chains, they don’t have a hold on me anymore

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