Inner Structure- What the hell is this?

At the end of four intense Possibility Management Trainings, I got the feedback that my Inner Structure is weak. I felt appart.

Since that moment I am discovering what is going on with my inner structure.

It is impossible to know or understand with the mind what Inner Structure means. This is not what this article is about, I suggest not to try to understand it. Just read. Let it sink in. I offer the experiment: do not read this text with your mind. Read this article with your heart.

A weak Inner Structure

During a Expand the Box Training and three Labs I became clear, had my center, was so real and authentic as possible and sensed a lot of aliveness. I could shift to extraordinary spaces and be intimate with my environment.

Some days after the training the ordinary world took over. I did not stay centered. The space is not held anymore, I gave up. It seems that the distinctions did not fully stay. It seems that nothing changed. I am having the sensation to be stuck.

In me is an inner war going on about what happened in the training. I am feeling overwhelmed by extraordinary spaces and think I need to rest. Actually, I have no idea how to rest and nourish my five bodies without giving the rest to my Gremlin. In the end my Gremlin decides what rest is. Extraordinary spaces full of creation nourish all five bodies - if I am not totally enmeshed with my Child & Gremlin Ego state. If the Gremlin eats the extraordinary, I will exhaust myself.

That the experiences that you made could not fully stay and you do not see any results, could be a sign that your Inner Structure has weaknesses. With a weak inner structure, you would refuse to integrate the new matrix in your whole system. Somewhere in you the matrix you got is still there- but it seems you have no access. You have in your mind an idea of what should be, instead of living your life full out. Your mind knows how to pretend so you can feel safe when you enter the next training space, when you hold space for someone.

This is a show. It is not real. Not authentic. It is just another survival strategy. You put a mask on in order to archieve something to be liked & loved, get attention or money.

This was going on for me.

I did not use the consciousness I accessed in my daily life, for becoming the person that I am and let my survival strategies melt. The comfort of my box was more important for me then becoming. Being loved, admired, or get attention by being a good Possibilitator was more important than the space I am holding. It was everything about me. Do others like me? Do I fit in? Will I be excluded if I say this? I was 98% problem orientated. I tried to find in others who I am. If I try to be someone else this is like trying to wear to small or to big shoes. It is painful and I fill fall.

Ok now I must build my website, write articles, deliver my non-material value, hold space, have a team. I start getting busy and avoiding feeling, healing and extraordinary resting. I do not take the time to look at what I really want. What I love. What I care.

For me building inner structure is going back to the pace of my own heartbeat. My heart feels when I stop protecting it. As child I got interrupted in my natural path of evolution by rules, abuses and having people around who are not able to hold space. Building inner structure is finding the red string again. What is next? And now and now? I discovered that I stopped following this inner natural and organic path. When I was a child in a certain point it was not ok to play the game I want to play, I started to look outside for the red string to be loved, to get attention. Please tell me what to do- what I do is anyway not ok. You tell me what my next step is. I see how I am paddling to move faster. The river where I am flowing has a natural pace. If I paddle harder i crash on a stone. If I just flow on the river I pass the stone gently. Where is the rush coming from? Why do I have to reach something in a certain time? One sentence could be a key for 1000 beings to unfold.

All of 5 bodies have different necessities. Which I is deciding which strategy I use to fur fill my necessity? I scan I need physical contact with a human being. My strategy to fur fill the necessity could be to eat chocolate.

That your inner structure is weak does not mean you are weak. You are full of treasures and non-material value. With a weak inner structure your Being cannot deliver fully that gold in you because blocks, survival strategies, emotions and stories are being a buffer that covers up your being to shine. I found out that I feel shame about being contaminated with my Child-Ego-State. The shame is a buffer between me and the integration that I am contaminated.

So, I do not let my heart break and accept my current X on the map. I try to be someone else. With ,I know’ torpidos- I block any feedback from the universe and stop seeing with the heart. I try to speak more adult and pretend to play the image of how it is to be adult. I try to hide, because I understood with my mind that it is time to grow up. I try, I try, I try.

Not being ok with Fear is a way to not build Inner Structure.

One enemy of the path is to carry the old decision around that fear is bad, dangerous, a sensation to avoid. If that is true for you, it is almost impossible to continue the path and build your inner structure. You are missing and blocking one resource in you that protect, inform, scan, create and relate to others. You are blocking the Mage in you to create the life you want.

As fear is used by cultures for decades to sustain hierarchy. Fear is freezing instead of the Fear way to enter see your next step to enter reality. Fear is used my patriarchal structures to maintain people small like the Fear of not having enough money to survive. How can a person see other possibilities with the Fear of not having enough anyway?

Humans with a weak inner structure are caring a lot of small, big, or medium shocks around. Abuses in all the five bodies are happening in the early childhood. Fears are passed on from generation to generation. A lot of Fears that you are carrying around are not yours, you just took it from your ancestors.

Healing happens also by reconnecting the wires of Fear to a neutral decision. Fear is fear. Not dangerous. Not something to avoid or fight against. Not good. NO STORY ATTACHED.

Another step is to Unfreeze the fear so that your fear can flow naturally trough your nervous system and do not stay stocked in your muscles. Stuck Fear is causing tensions like pain on your neck or your shoulders.

The Fear and the energetic body are strongly connected to each other. They work as allies in your system.

Every feeling, all 5 bodies and your parts could work together as allies. Who are your feelings and bodies relating to each other?

The energetic body

Building Inner Structure is about becoming a spaceholder of your inner system. You can use your energetic body to hold space for yourself.

Humans that have less access to their energetic body do not get informations from the environment, they have less access to see what is and insides can not come through. The energetic body scans the environment. The sense of time, space and the people around.

A person with a weak inner structure switch from identity to identity with the sensation that the actual part is right. There is no one holding space. The energetic body spinns fast and leaves the physical body. There are so much unconscious emotions during the day that the person keeps losing herself. You start cooking, then go back to your computer, write a message then another and 20 minutes later you remember the cooking again. There is no focus.

The parts are like fruits in a fruit bowl. Parts in you are Gremlin, Child-Ego State, Parent Ego State, Adult Ego state and Demon-Ego-State. The energetic body is the foundation, the bowl that hold the fruits together.

If the energetic body is driven by Gremlin, the energy will flow to resentment, gossip, comparing and so on. Gremlin is avoiding the healing of the child emotions that are causing pressure and overwhelm in a person with a weak inner structure. If I hold space for myself and sense that I feel an emotion, the best way to hold space for myself is to go through an Emotional Healing Process. That are various ways to heal an emotion, one is to ask someone to hold space, so your Gremlin does not destroy the transformation.

The energetic body is connected to all feelings, but mostly with Fear. With the energetic body a feeling gets visible. It is possible to direct a stuck emotion from the muscles to the nervous system and let it flow again. Check out the Feelings Practioner Website if you want to read more: https://feelingspractitioner.org/home.

When in the present a wave of emotions is splashing over, the energetic center can go into the head and analyzing, or it can flow to someone or to something. The emotion kicks in and what happens is that the energetic center flies away. Here take a moment. What are you feeling? What made you fall asleep? What am I avoiding to feel? When I discover the source of my pain, I can express stuck emotions and notice which decisions I made. With the energetic body it is possible to distinguish which of the four feelings (Sadness, Anger, Joy or Fear).

The energetic body you connect all 5 bodies. Bringing your energetic body together with your physical body, you become centered.

Possible situations for losing the energetic center:

- Scarcity about money

- Romantic relating: men/women (Does he like me? What can I do to save him? Do I look good?) White Widow Strategy

- Authority figures

- Children/Animals

- Friends or people (what do they think about me?)

- Religion/Guru

- Parents (I still need permission to live the life I want)

- Scarcity about logistics (Do I have enough?)

The list goes on.

Lying on the bad or keeping yourself busy will not bring you in contact with the invitations from the universe and Gaia.

Having choice

Having choice means I decide where to direct my energy.

This is one of my powers!

Living instead of Surviving

I adjust myself to get attention, be admired and be in the hierarchy up. To be part of the cool kids. Adjusting and adjusting myself- I cut my creation, my aliveness, my dignity and my inner choice. This is how I lose sense for choice. This is how I keep loosing my dignity.

I am the guardian of my dignity.

No one can do this for me.

Through my self-judgments I discovered how I lose my dignity. I took one judgment and followed it back to the person who told me that in the past. The judgments are about my intelligence, physical appearance, the way I talk, write, what I do with my time… I am sad and angry because I still believe in these judgments. It is easier to believe than to be in the unknown. If I am in the unknown: What do I feel?

For taking the Dignity back is Rage-Work required and set boundaries to all people who terrorized you.

I started to work the self-judgement about writing and took my authority and dignity back from the institution school.

In the end I was clear:

This is MY WRITING- MY VOICE ON PAPER. Right or wrong does not matter. It’s not my problem if you do not like it.

After this process I wanted to proof that the process and new decisions worked and started writing.

I wrote this article.

How to start building Inner Structure?

Go on holidays. Stay 1 Month with no schedule. Do what ever you want. Do not use many eletronics.

After this experiment, invistigate 1 Month for the question: what do I care about? What do I enjoy, love to do? What turns me on? Be in contact with the universe.

Anne-Chloé Destremau gave me a feedback at the Women of Earth Lab, that I build some inner structure over the last months. She asked me, what did work.

This are experiments for building inner structure that did work for me (my recommendation is to do one experiment a week and to start over and experience, every feeling and every part again in you)

0. Make the Sound first:

Go to EHPs and say at the beginning: I am practicing authentic feeling. Do the sound before you say which feeling. Let go of what you know. Even if you did a lot of feelings research before. Notice what you are really feeling and how you are mixing. Go first into the feeling before you say what your feeling needs to say.

1. Go step by step.

Do one experiment after the other.

You can start this experiment by noticing and nourish your 5 bodies (physical, energetic, intellectual, emotional, archetypal)

For 5 days notice one of the five bodies. Do not jump to another one or stop nourishing. Practice staying focused on the experiment you are doing.

2. Become the spaceholder of your path

Skip your lone wolf strategy: you cannot do this alone and no one can do the work for you

Join the inner structure possibility team or ask minimum 10 people to join your research about inner structure.

Share you research and ask for EHPs. Take a stand for your being- for other beings. This research is not just for you.

Do not stop asking and sharing even if no one answers.

Your set of survival strategies is unique, it is your job to be in contact with ECCO about your next step.

People with a weak inner structure do not hold space for their feelings, parts, bodies and attention. Maybe they hold space for others but not for themselves.

3. Shift identity to an Experimenter

Part of being a researcher is to practice the neutral eye. When you judge yourself- the result could be that you find yourself in a swamp. Ask someone to hold space for you immediately when you go in the swamp.

Why would you stay in the swamp?

What is your gremlins benefit?

Be aware, the judgment/self beat up is faster and then you think. Every time you find results that you do not want -follow back the thought.

Ask your gremlin and people around you to catch the anger against yourself. This is a really important experiment! The anger against you is blocking you to feel your feelings or staying centered.

3. Stop archiving

Notice that there is nothing to archive, you build inner structure, matrix and access more consciousness because this is adventures- not because you have to. This is your choice. You do not have to fix yourself.

Observe during the week what do you want to archive. Ask for a spaceholder to hold space for you to crash your fantasy world. Enter reality.

4. Practice having a free choice while being compassionate with your parts

Decide to choose one object, choose before how long you are going to look at it. Notice your parts, be gentle with your parts. Take your attention back to the experience. Notice the stories that you are creating without letting the hook you.

5. Notice your pace. Your own Heart beat: find your natural beat. Let any pressure melt. Do not rush your healing and at the same follow your rhythm.

How do you relate with time?

Get a clock and notice how you spend your time. Which part in you is choosing what to do with your time?

6. Where your Attention goes your energy flows: take notes and observe what you think about the whole day.

Make a map about your discoveries. What are you main thoughts?

7. Become a Energetic Body Researcher

Practice bringing your energetic body close to your bones.

Take your center back. Stay grounded.

Let the light come to your eyes.

Observe how you are trying to enmesh your energy with others.

8. What are you hiding?

What do feel ashamed of to say?

Are you afraid of your Child Ego state contamination? Do you think your gremlin is bad but you hide that? Be radical honest what is going on.

Your mind may already knows and you are not living it, admit what is really going on in your time.

Be exited about caving for new stuff you feel ashamed of.

9. Gremlin Transformation

Do Gremlin Transformation with a group of 6 people and a Coach. Even if you did it before. Start over. Be active in the team and do the experiments twice.

10. Fear Club

Go on a Fear Journey. If your fear is not your ally, you will be stuck on the path.

Ask you fear 3 times a day: fear, what do you have for me. Share it with your buddy.

Unfreeze you fear, rewire your fear and use your fear as a key to hit bottom.

11. Drop Baggage and read the website: https://baggage.mystrikingly.com

Drop your baggage you do not need anymore. What does suck your energy?

12. Become a Meme Detective

Scan for Memes wherever you go. In yourself, in others, in the bakery, in the pharmacy. Someone created that pharmacy because of memes. What do you notice?

Write an article about your discoveries.

Go trough Memetic engineering processes.

Check out this Worktalk:

https://youtu.be/S7cnFSY2Lzg?si=8KUf0-cwgIjHrmfz

13. Practice letting your heart speak

Go to Heart gym the whole week and show people around you how it goes so you can stay in the experiment the whole week. It helps to explore what is blocking your heart at the beginning and do an EHP.

If you go in your head, that is a sign you are feeling fear. Start with: I feel scared because

14. What do you care about?

Let your heart and your Dragon speak. Look around your house, your neighborhood.. Write all down.

Watch this video: https://youtu.be/lmNTLC8u2wU?si=3fEjMSNs6ccEai02

15. Become a Spaceholder every where you go

Share your discoveries with other people. Share your non-material value. Instead of being a problem sharing ongoingly about you, discover what people around you are researching. What are they committed to? How can you be on their team? Without any rescuing?

16. Call 30 people for one month (every day one person) and ask them if they can tell you a legend about you

Notice your being. Who are you with other people? What do you create in spaces?