How To Build Confidence(Gain Self-Confidence in 21 Days)
How To Build Confidence — Confidence can be a very tough thing to build up. I’ve put together some handy tips to help you out. If you’re still having a hard time even after trying these self-help ideas in this article, don’t worry! I’ve also put a link to a Free Video that helped me build a lot of confidence in a very short time (in fact, if you watch the video and take action, I guarantee you’ll be surprised how the confidence will flow to you in no time).
When you fail to achieve your goals and objectives, it is easy to believe that you do not have the the ability, or you are not good enough. However, the difference between success and failure is rarely due to any lasting ability. Sure, you may lack the necessary skills at that very moment, but you can usually learn everything that you need to know . The biggest factor in determining you level of success is often your self-confidence. As Henry Ford said “Whether you believe that you can or you believe that you cannot; you are right”. Self-confidence is that important. If you really want to achieve your goals and objectives, you absolutely must have enough self-confidence to see the job through. As the size of your goals and ambition grows, your level of self-confidence must grow to match it.
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Nobody is born with limitless self-confidence. If someone seems to have incredible self-confidence, it’s because he or she has worked on building it for years. Self-confidence is something that you learn to build up because the challenging world of business, and life in general, can deflate it.
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.” — Maxwell Maltz
How To Build Confidence — (What is Self-Confidence?)
Although self-confidence can mean different things to different people, in reality it simply means having faith in yourself.
Confidence is, in part, a result of how we have been brought up and how we’ve been taught. We learn from others how to think about ourselves and how to behave — these lessons affect what we believe about ourselves and other people. Confidence is also a result of our experiences and how we’ve learned to react to different situations.
Self-confidence is not a static measure. Our confidence to perform roles and tasks and deal with situations can increase and decrease, and some days we may feel more confident than others.
Low-confidence can be a result of many factors including: fear of the unknown, criticism, being unhappy with personal appearance (self-esteem), feeling unprepared, poor time-management, lack of knowledge and previous failures. Often when we lack confidence in ourselves it is because of what we believe others will think of us. Perhaps others will laugh at us or complain or make fun if we make a mistake. Thinking like this can prevent us from doing things we want or need to do because we believe that the consequences are too painful or embarrassing.
Over-confidence can be a problem if it makes you believe that you can do anything — even if you don’t have the necessary skills, abilities and knowledge to do it well. In such situations over-confidence can lead to failure. Being overly confident also means you are more likely to come across to other people as arrogant or egotistical. People are much more likely to take pleasure in your failure if you are perceived as arrogant.
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Confidence and self-esteem are not the same thing
Although they are often linked. Confidence is the term we use to describe how we feel about our ability to perform roles, functions and tasks. Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves, the way we look, the way we think — whether or not we feel worthy or valued. People with low self-esteem often also suffer from generally low confidence, but people with good self-esteem can also have low confidence. It is also perfectly possible for people with low self-esteem to be very confident in some areas.
Performing a role or completing a task confidently is not about not making mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable, especially when doing something new. Confidence includes knowing what to do when mistakes come to light and therefore is also about problem solving and decision making.
How To Build Confidence - (Benefits of Self-Confidence)
Having self-confidence can bring many benefits — at home, at work, and within your relationships. Here’s a look at a few of the positive effects self-confidence can have on your life.
- Openness to try new things. When you believe in yourself, you’ll be more willing to try new things. Whether you apply for a promotion or sign up for a cooking class, believing in yourself is key to putting yourself out there.
- Better performance. When you feel confident in yourself, you’re able to devote your resources to the task at hand. Rather than waste time and energy worrying that you aren’t good enough, you can devote your energy to your efforts.2 So ultimately, you’ll perform better when you feel confident.
- Better resilience. Confidence, or believing in yourself, can enhance your resilience, or ability to bounce back from any challenges or adversities you face in life.
- Improved relationships. Having a healthy dose of self-confidence can help keep your relationships happy and healthy.3 One reason is that people with self-confidence tend to set stronger boundaries, prioritizing their own needs and emotions. Having self-confidence not only impacts how you feel about yourself, but it helps you better understand and love others. It also gives you the strength to walk away if you’re not getting what you deserve.
Fortunately, there are things you can do to boost your self-confidence. Whether you lack confidence in one specific area or you struggle to feel confident about anything, these strategies can help.
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How To Build Confidence — (What is a confident person?)
Sometimes it can be hard to develop confidence, either because personal experiences have caused you to lose confidence or because you suffer from low self-esteem.
A confident person:
- does what they believe is right, even if it’s unpopular
- is willing to take risks
- admits their mistakes and learns from them
- is able to accept a compliment
- is optimistic.
How To Build Confidence — (Taking control of your self-confidence)
If you are low in self-confidence, is it possible to do things that will change that? Is your self-confidence in your control?
While it may not seem so, if you are low in self-confidence, I strongly believe that you can do things to increase your self-confidence. It is not genetic, and you do not have to be reliant on others to increase your self-confidence. And if you believe that you are not very competent, not very smart, not very attractive, etc. … that can be changed.
You can become someone worthy of respect, and someone who can pursue what he wants despite the naysaying of others.
You can do this by taking control of your life, and taking control of your self-confidence. By taking concrete actions that improve your competence, your self-image, you can increase that self-confidence, without the help of anyone else.
How To Build Confidence — (Ways to Improve Confidence)
There are two sides to improving confidence. Although the ultimate aim is to feel more confident in yourself and your abilities it is also worth considering how you can appear more confident to other people. The following list has lots of ideas on how to achieve this.
BUILDING CONFIDENCE MEANS CHANGING YOUR OUTLOOK
Learning how to be confident is a process of uncovering your beliefs that are causing self-doubt. What kind of questions are you asking yourself? If the things that come to mind are, “How come I’m not successful?” “Am I not smart enough to reach my goal?” “Do other people see me as a failure?” then you are setting yourself up for failure.
Shift the pattern of your thoughts and ask yourself things like, “Why shouldn’t I accomplish everything I set my mind to?” and “Why would I waste time on my anxieties instead of focusing on my strengths?” When you ask a better question, you get a better answer.
As Tony Robbins says, “Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” The essence of building confidence is this: If you go into a situation knowing that you can handle it — whatever it is — then that’s exactly what you’ll do.
This is what it means to have a growth mindset, or the belief that you can develop your knowledge and improve your skills. When you view your challenges as opportunities to learn something new, you’re able to approach them with assurance. You begin to view setbacks as progress, so they become part of mastering how to build confidence.
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HOW TO BUILD CONFIDENCE CENTERS ON YOUR PASSION
There’s one incredible trick that will help you figure out how to be confident even when you’re at your absolute lowest: thinking about something you’re proud of.
When you’re feeling unsure of yourself, remember a recent accomplishment of any scale. Maybe you did something impressive at work, or you recently helped a family member. It can be as humble as helping someone lift a box or as intricate as solving a complex problem on an important project. Whatever it is, it’s something you did and no one else. That’s worth celebrating. Recognizing this accomplishment and your ability to do it will instantly elevate your mood and allow you to channel self-confidence.
The smallest amount of headway moves you leaps and bounds when you’re learning how to gain confidence. Your mind begins to think in positive terms, not negative ones. If you gave a killer presentation to your company last year, why wouldn’t you be able to complete your next project by the allotted deadline? If you’re the same person who ran your child’s baseball team while getting promoted to vice president in the same year, what’s holding you back from achieving this new goal, whatever it may be? Channeling moments of pride can help you to see the big picture more clearly — ultimately building your confidence.
As you practice building confidence and begin to believe in your own abilities, you’ll be able to access those feelings of well-being and pride faster and more often.
You are in charge of your emotions and can use them to shape your life however you choose. Decide today that you’re going to be a more confident, positive version of yourself, and you’ll have no other option than to succeed.
Planning and Preparation
People often feel less confident about new or potentially difficult situations. Perhaps the most important factor in developing confidence is planning and preparing for the unknown.
If you are applying for a new job, for example, it would be a good idea to prepare for the interview. Plan what you would want to say and think about some of the questions that you may be asked. Practise your answers with friends or colleagues and gain their feedback.
There are many other examples of planning for an interview. Perhaps you should visit the hairdresser before you go. How are you going to travel to the interview and how long will the journey take? What should you wear? Take control of unknown situations the best you can, break down tasks into smaller sub-tasks and plan as many as you can.
In some situations it may be necessary to also have contingency plans — backup plans if your main plan fails. If you had planned to travel to your interview by car but on the morning the car wouldn’t start how would you get there? Being able to react calmly to the unexpected is a sign of confidence.
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Learning, Knowledge and Training
Learning and research can help us to feel more confident about our ability to handle situations, roles and tasks.
Knowing what to expect and how and why things are done will add to your awareness and usually make you feel more prepared and ultimately more confident.
However, learning and gaining knowledge can sometimes make us feel less confident about our abilities to perform roles and tasks, and when this happens we need to combine our knowledge with experience. By doing something we have learned a lot about we put theory to practice which develops confidence and adds to the learning and comprehension.
First-time parents to-be may well feel nervous and less than confident about having a baby. They are likely to buy books or visit websites which can offer advice and dispel some of the mysteries. They are also likely to talk to other parents to gain knowledge and understanding.
In the workplace, training may be provided for staff to teach them how to manage or work with new systems and procedures. During a period of organizational change this is particularly important as many people will naturally resist changes. However if those affected by the changes are given adequate information and training then such resistances can usually be minimized as the staff feel more prepared and therefore more confident with the new system.
Positive Thought
Positive thought can be a very powerful way of improving confidence.
If you believe that you can achieve something then you are likely to work hard to make sure you do if, however, you don’t believe that you can accomplish a task then you are more likely to approach it half-heartedly and therefore be more likely to fail. The trick is convincing yourself that you can do something — with the right help, support, preparedness and knowledge.
Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.
Helen Keller — Author, political activist, and lecturer. The first deaf and blind person to earn a BA degree in the US.
There is a lot of information about positive thinking both online and in print. The basic rules of positive thinking are to highlight your strengths and successes and learn from your weaknesses and mistakes. This is a lot easier than it sounds, and we often dwell on things that we are not happy with from our past — making them into bigger issues than they need to be. These negative thoughts can be very damaging to confidence and your ability to achieve goals.
Try to recondition the way you think about your life:
- Know your strengths and weaknesses. Write a list of things that you are good at and things that you know need improvement. Discuss your list with friends and family as, inevitably, they will be able to add to the list. Celebrate and develop your strengths and find ways to improve or manage your weaknesses.
- We all make mistakes. Don’t think of your mistakes as negatives but rather as learning opportunities.
- Accept compliments and compliment yourself. When you receive a compliment from somebody else, thank them and ask for more details; what exactly did they like? Recognise your own achievements and celebrate them by rewarding yourself and telling friends and family about them.
- Use criticism as a learning experience. Everybody sees the world differently, from their own perspective, and what works for one person may not work for another. Criticism is just the opinion of somebody else. Be assertive when receiving criticism, don’t reply in a defensive way or let criticism lower your self-esteem. Listen to the criticism and make sure that you understand what is being said so you can use criticism as a way to learn and improve. See our page: Dealing with Criticism for more information.
- Try to stay generally cheerful and have a positive outlook on life. Only complain or criticise when necessary and, when you do, do so in a constructive way. Offer others compliments and congratulate them on their successes.
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Use the Power of Positive Self-Talk
Using self-talk that is optimistic can help you foster self-compassion, embrace self-doubt, and take on new challenges. On the other hand, negative self-talk can limit your abilities and lessen your confidence by convincing your subconscious that you “can’t handle it” or that something is “too hard” or that you “shouldn’t even try.”
The next time, you begin to think that you have no business speaking up in a meeting or that you are too out of shape to work out, remind yourself that your thoughts aren’t always accurate.
Here are a few examples of how to challenge pessimistic self-talk and reframe your thoughts into a more positive way of thinking:
- Instead of telling yourself “I can’t handle this,” or “This is impossible,” try reminding yourself that “You can handle it,” or “All I have to do is try.”
- Instead of telling yourself “I can do nothing right,” when you make a mistake, remind yourself “I can do better next time,” or “at least I learned something.”
- Instead of saying you “hate” public speaking, use a milder work like “don’t like,” and remind yourself that “everyone has strengths and weaknesses.”
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Embrace Self-Doubt
Sometimes, people put off doing things — like inviting someone on a date or applying for a promotion — until they feel more confident. But sometimes, the best way to gain confidence is by doing. Try doing things that your brain tells you that you can’t.
Practice facing some of your fears that stem from a lack of self-confidence. If you’re afraid you’ll embarrass yourself or you think that you’re going to mess up, try it anyway. Tell yourself it’s just an experiment and see what happens.
You might learn that being a little anxious or making a few mistakes isn’t as bad as you thought. And each time you move forward you can gain more confidence in yourself, which in the end, will help prevent you from taking any risks that will result in any major negative consequences.
Embracing a little self-doubt might actually help you perform better. A 2010 study published in Psychology of Sport and Exercise found that athletes who embraced their self-doubt outperformed athletes who were 100% confident in themselves.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare or practice, of course. If you have a big speech coming up, practice in front of your friends and family so you’ll gain some confidence. But don’t wait until you feel 100% confident before you proceed. You might never get there.
Look at what you’ve already achieved
It’s easy to lose confidence if you believe you haven’t achieved anything. Make a list of all the things you’re proud of in your life, whether it’s getting a good mark on an exam or learning to surf. Keep the list close by and add to it whenever you do something you’re proud of. When you’re low in confidence, pull out the list and use it to remind yourself of all the awesome stuff you’ve done.
Think of things you’re good at
Everyone has strengths and talents. What are yours? Recognising what you’re good at, and trying to build on those things, will help you to build confidence in your own abilities.
Set some goals
Set some goals and set out the steps you need to take to achieve them. They don’t have to be big goals; they can even be things like baking a cake or planning a night out with friends. Just aim for some small achievements that you can tick off a list to help you gain confidence in your ability to get stuff done.
Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable. — Walt Disney
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Developing Your Self-Confidence Skills
Self-confidence can diminish over time if you don’t practise your skills or if you hit set-backs. As you become more self-confident you should continue to practise your skills to maintain and boost your confidence further.
Set yourself ‘confidence targets’ that require you to step out of your comfort zone and do things that make you feel a degree of nervousness or apprehension.
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Potential confidence targets may include:
- Start a task or project that you’ve been putting off for a long time. Often we put off starting important tasks because they seem overwhelming, difficult or awkward to complete. Simply making a start on such a task can boost confidence and make you more inclined to complete it.
- Make a complaint in a restaurant if there is a problem with your order. If you would not usually complain about a problem then doing so is a good way to improve your confidence and assertiveness skills.
- Stand up and ask a question at a public meeting or in a group. By doing this you are making yourself the centre of attention for a few minutes.
- Volunteer to give a presentation or make a speech. For many people speaking to a group of people is a particularly scary prospect. The best way to overcome this fear and gain confidence is with experience.
- Introduce yourself to somebody new. This could be somewhere where people have something in common — like at a party or a conference, making it potentially easier to have a conversation. Or you could talk to a complete stranger in a lift/elevator.
- Wear something that will draw attention — such as a garish colour. Personal appearance is an important factor in self-esteem and people with lower self-esteem tend to try not to be noticed. Make a statement and stand out in a crowd!
- Join a group or class in your community. You will potentially benefit in lots of different ways by meeting new local people and learning new things while improving your confidence.
- Take an unfamiliar journey on public transport. Travelling to a new place using an unfamiliar route and with random people will make most people feel at least slightly uncomfortable.
How do you feel about each of the ideas on the list above? Perhaps some gave you minor feelings of butterflies whereas others filled you with dread.
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