There Is More To Womanhood Than Motherhood

Becoming a parent should be a choice not a pressure.


As a young child, I wanted to be a teacher for many years until marketing won over my heart. I worked at a daycare for a few years and not only was it permanent birth control, but it opened my eyes.

At about 17 years old, I acknowledged the fact that I do not want children. I am 21 now, and let me tell you, if I had one dollar for every single time someone told me “You are going to change your mind” or “You are too young to know now” or “Every woman wants to be a mother” or, my all-time favorite, “What other jobs as humans do we have other than to reproduce” and my response is always “Having children isn’t mandatory. It’s a choice.”

I believe that in my life, and in every woman’s life, becoming a parent should be a choice, and not a pressure: “That intense pressure placed on women by society — everyone from family members like Grandma at one’s wedding to gynecologists to the mainstream media — that they must have at least one baby led me to question how many of those women want a baby because they are told they do.” -HellaWella

Just because a woman has the ability to have a child doesn’t mean she has to. You know just as well as I that there are quite a few things that we all have the “ability” to do, but we still don’t do it. For example, we all have the ability to be kind to one another, but I don’t see that happen nearly as much as it should.

Please do not take any of this the wrong way — I am happy for every single woman out there that feels the calling of motherhood and I respect it. I think parenthood is one of the greatest accomplishments in life, but it isn’t for me.

I have a different calling — and it lies under the umbrella of independence, including an intensive career, a life of travel and adventure, all at a fast pace. I am striving for a life that is anything but ordinary and for me, that means one without an extension of my own DNA.

Aside from people second guessing my choice, I often think, “If someone can decide to have a child at my age, why can’t I decide not to?” I would never tell someone that was a parent “You are going to change your mind,” because I believe that they are happy with the choice that they made.

When the topic comes up and I am asked if I want children, I am not afraid to tell people it is not part of my plan. They assume that I am going to one of those people who are workaholics and have no other joys in life. But when what you do is your joy, and you want to raise, grow and develop your career, people are a little taken back. Far too often women feel the pressure from society, friends, and family to reproduce when it really is something that should never be pressured by anyone. We are independent women who are created whole and can be just as successful without exercising the ability to reproduce.

It does not make us weak.

It does not make us selfish.

It does not make us any less “woman.”

It does not make us weird or strange or different.

It is our choice.

Even for those who say, “You will change your mind” someday, maybe, I could. When I was 6 years old I knew I wanted to go to college. I am now 21, and a junior in college. Let’s just say I am someone who knows what they want out of life.

We are women and we have the right to choose. If you choose motherhood, I support it. If you don’t, I support that too.

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