Let it rip queen!

Holly Langley, a professional publicist and blog writer was seen peeing at her standing up desk on Wednesday. Onlookers were shocked and awed by the bravery of this absolute queen. “If men can pee standing up I can pee at my standing up desk, while wearing heels,” said Langley.

As Langley has been the head of publicity at Andrew and Klien’s publicity firm, she has many high profile clients. They do not give her any time to rest as she is working at her standing up desk. So, like an Amazon worker, she must pee subtly and on her own…

No justice for me.

Image Credit: DC (Fair Use)

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a big hot-shot movie editor. After all, the editor brings the movie together. Turns all the shit footage they’re given into something that works. An editor is the most important part of any film. Except for me, the editor of the Justice League. Apparently, I’m dirt. I’m a worm. I’m nothing.

Zack Snyder’s four-hour-long director’s cut of the Justice League has been revered as “an improvement” to the 2017 version edited by me. …

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

We’ve heard of great women writers, Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Joan Didion. But, we haven’t heard of many great male writers. We know they’re still publishing books, but what can we possibly use them for? So, we gathered our best team of DIYers to give us some fun new ways to repurpose men’s books as doorstops! Here are our top five picks for you to use for this project.

War and Peace- Leo Tolstoy

This 1,225 page novel is perfect for propping open even the heaviest of doors! We even tried it on the door to a prison cell and…

Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels

Since the pandemic, many people have made the transition to working from home instead of working in the office. The transition has been hard for some. Now meetings are on Zoom and there are countless emails flooding inboxes. Employers have been getting more and more aggressive with these emails. They want to know: what’s going on, what’s on the agenda today, and are you going to do any work at all?

But, there is a better way to encourage your employees, by handwritten victorian style letters. …

Big brains only

Hello plebeians, I am a genius, but my friends call me Meredith. I am someone who is too smart for words or rather smart enough for one word: Kafkaesque.

When I read Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka in my tenth grade english class it really spoke to me, for I too felt like a cockroach constantly plaguing my family with unparalleled terror. In fact, I often laid in my bed just hoping to turn into the disgusting creature I once read about in Kafka’s beautiful and intense story. …

Pixabay on Pexels

Tragedy struck today when I stepped on my Kirkland brand scale and realized I had hit the mark. The 200 pound mark. Now I am not going to give you stats about my BMI but let’s just say that I am hardly a 0% fat all muscle body builder. Now, did I ever think that I would gain fifty pounds in a year? No. Did I ever get out of bed and do some exercise in order to prevent gaining fifty pounds in a year? Also no. …

Mauricio Mascaro on Pexels.com

I think that at heart I am a raver. A rave chick. A Rawr queen as they say. I know this because I like to do a lot of drugs and dance. But, I had never really been introduced to the underground warehouse rave scene until I moved to Chicago and my friend Jamie came to visit me.

They had downloaded an app while they studied abroad in Russia that gave you all the secrets of the secret raves that they weren’t allowed to have. Turns out! There are also secret raves that no one is allowed to have in…

oh, and that’s period blood btw.

Have you been feeling strange lately? Maybe you just met a girl and you’re really excited by this whole new thing. But does that really sound like you? Doesn’t it seem like you’ve been a little extra in love lately, like maybe you would lay your life on the line for your girlfriend that you’ve only been with for a few months? Well, that and more could be a sign that she is performing spells on you using your toenail clippings!

She is very suspicious in the bathroom.

She often spends hours in there lighting candles and chanting. At first you thought she was masturbating really loudly…

The Great Wave off Kanagawa, Hokusai.

Do you guys remember Yik Yak? The app where college kids would anonymously tell eachother they were fat, ugly, whores? Well I do, but I used it for a different reason, to meet complete strangers that were five years older than me.

I was 16 and something that was all the rage for me was danger. Danger and alcohol. So, I posted on Yik Yak “HEY who wants to get me drunk?” let me say, there were a lot of takers. I was a young, beautiful, 16 year old…. not that anyone knew that.

But, I got a phone number…


It was Halloween 2007, the night was unseasonably warm and unreasonably rowdy. I, a nine year old, was out alone with a group of teens that I had met in community theater… unsupervised. It was my first time not really having a chaperone so I felt like a very big girl to say the least.

So these teens, I think they are the coolest bunch of people anyone has ever met. So even when I am afraid to go into the corn maze on Halloween in the dark I decide to follow them. But, as people in corn mazes often…

Isabella Dillman

Comedy Writer and Performer

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