Kalapa Council Call Notes

This a copy from an original post which has been deleted by the administrators of the Fb pages in charge of the Shambhala page. Notes from the July 2, 2018 call.

(https://www.facebook.com/groups/298835090191379/permalink/2068270359914501/

As the author of the post (Brian…) intended it to be public and because in the notes you will read that it is mentioned that there is no reason why it shouldn’t be shared with everyone, I am making it available again.

— — — Brian’s comment in his post

“Everyone should be able to read this unfiltered”

— — — - notes beginning

KC experiencing pain, confusion, trying to sort things out. Pain, sadness, lies out there.

Share what they know and don’t know. Be human in the midst of this huge storm. A truly painful time.

Want to share from that basis.

We know that from some of you we have lost some trust, may be questioning our actions. Our purpose is not to defend ourselves, our purpose is to be with you as leaders and share what we know. You can then make the decisions that you need to make.

Address from the Sakyong

Hello eveyonre. I wanted to join you toay at this important time. And mainly just to be in person and to express to you just how sorry I am and to personally shre this to all of you as Shambhala leaders. And I know that there is a lot of sadness, heartbreak, anger, confusion and I just want to say that how incredibly sorry I am that all of you have to carry this because of my actions and because of my own past.

And I also wanted to expres to you personally that this has been obviously a difficult and trying time for the Sakyong Wangmo and ourelves and that we are always thinking about you and that every morning I feel your pain and also I feel that this is a time where all of you are being asked to hold your communities and allow for your community to experience what is happening.

And it is my hope that somehow we are able to heal and move forward and I think that this really begins in a great deal by myself beginning to explain and to share with you some of my own history and my own path. And I am currently working on a letter and a statement. Which is really one of the first times that I have done this, explaining my own own… (connection break)

….the women in the community that I have harmed by my actions. And I feel that right now it is an important time right now for me to share this. And it has been a journey for myself that goes a long ways back in handling the death of my father…. (connection break)

…the community… and mistakes that I have made personally and so I want to send that out very soon. And I am working on that for all of you and for our community.

I am here for you. I feel like somehow this is very important for me to share, that I am ready to do the hard work and I feel like a lot of what is also happening is addressing deep issues within our own community, and this is something that I hope we can both work with.

I just feel so….. sad and embarrassed it’s been difficult, but all of you are in my heart. And I feel so much love for all of you, and I know that you are there doing what you can, and I am thinking of you always, and I will be here for you, and I will do everything that I can. And I send you my love. Thank you.

Acharya Christie Cashman

Time to engage in the ancient practice of tonglen. Which bgins with feeling how we are feeling which sends us right into the emptiness space of absolute bodhicitta. If we can simply embody are feelings and emotions, fully accepting and embracing that as a way of finding vastness on the spot.

AT that point one takes into whatever one experiences of the exterior world, it’s pain it’s heaviness it’s suffering, and one brings that through all one’s pores of one’s system, and it is felt. And in the outbreath one breaths out to th epheneomonal world relief, purity, lightness and goodness. Following then the inbreath and the outbreath one becomes a body of transformation, breathing in what is heavy and dark, solid. Breathing out transforming, with a goodness that you carry in your heart.

One could even see the pheonomal world as waking and cheering up by virtue of this powerful practice.

It sometimes helps to begin by thinking of someone it is very easy to love, someone very close to you in wishing them utter relief from their pain.

Joshua Silberstein

Again our attempt today is to really just show what we know. Not to try and sway you one way or antoher. You all have to decide what makes sense to you, and then as leaders there are a bunch of people you take care of. So you have to take care of them.

A close colleague shared that they are on facebook, and seeing KC letters, and don’t know what to believe.

So we thought we would share some clarifying things. And then take Q and A to hear from you.

On my part I will try and clarifying some of the project sunshine rumors that have been out there.

1. For the third time I want to say. There are have never been any lawsuits towards anybody, I havne’t, the organization… that is not an issue.
2. 2. It’s not been a practice of ours to silence victims, in fact what we have done is the oppositie of that. In all of this we want to hear from the experience of the victims who are coming forward… . We are not trying to disprove anyting that any victims are bringin forward.
3. 3. Also as we shared previously, we didn’t have any of this information ahead of time. People at project sunshine were concerned that Lion’s Roar published that fact. But we got the report the same time that you all did. Last Thursday morning we were reading it together and crying and feeling anger and pain with everyone else.
4. 4. Lastly I will share that regarding the rape allegation in Chile, we have reason to believ etha’ts not true because we have actually heard form first hand witnesses. And as it says in the report they share that it’s only rumor and allegation, but unfortunately the press is taking hold of that, so we feel we need to show that we do not believe that to be true.

We thought it would be good to give a timeline of events.

Jesse Grimes

Hello everyone. For those of you that don’t know me I’m Jesse Grimes, the commadner of the Dorje Kasung.

Just a few very quick things personally before I jump in.

We are there with you. I think it’s safe to say that none of us have a sense really of what the next steps are, but somehow it will be through mutual engagement and coming together, and each of us needs something different as we find our healing thorugh this. How we do this is going to be so much more important than what the end result is.

I was asked to give a little bit of history. I went to seminary in ’96 with the Sakyong and traveled from 96 until the end of 97. And for me at that time it was quite a shift, I had grown up in the community and hadn’t spent time with the Sakyong.. Found myself immediately very close after seminary. Working with devotion, loyalty and seeing a more complete picture of the Sakyong as my teacher and as a person. There were so many beautiful moments that I experinee between him and his students that really transformed me.

And one of the dififuclt things that I started to notice. There was a lot of drinking, at times excessive, from the SAkyong and those close to him. Egging on energy. A lot of what I was told was crazy wisdom. And that was in the space, not constantly, but definitely in the space. And I started to notice that that drinking seemed to be becoming difficult and challenging and creating challenging situaitons and environments for people.

I’m abospuutely not calling into questions any of the accounts in project sunshine. I personally did not see violence, but I did see thse outragenous qualities. And the Sakyong had consorts, and he also had longer term girlfriends, and I absolutely saw that. And it seems that the stories that we are seeing, coming out of project sunshine are from those previous times and those earlier days, and I will say through …….98, 99, 2000 Through 2002 some of us got very concerned with his drinking, in light of our community, and so in early 2002 Mitchell Levy and myself sat down with the Sakyogn for an intervention, and talked honestly and openly about what we were seeing and experiencing. He was indrecbily open to that feedback, we did start to see some real changes around alcohol. And so I just wanted to share some of that context with all of you, and would like to turn it over to Acharya Adam Lobel.

Acharya Lobel

Thanks Jessse, and hello to everyone out there. It was a good and painful but heartfelt surpise to see the Sakyong join us at the beginning of this call.

My role at this point is to try and continue the story in my own experience in those early days, I took over a few years after Jesse left traveling with the Sakyong. I definitely saw this wild cultue of drinking and spontaneous poetry, and these parties that were sometimes a part of the Skayong’s life. A lot of what I saw with women and girflredns and consorts was clearly consensual. But what was painful or disturbing or confusing for me was the Sakyong’s ability to communicate, and connect as a human being. Which I think is some portion of the pain. I think he was still trying to discover how to fulfill his role and remain human and be in relationship. I remember that sitting heavily with me at times, and not really understanding it. Most of my tour there were either long periods of retreat, or treaveling crosscoutnry in eruope and Tibet. And I did not see much contact with girlfirends and consorts. That was in 2000. And sense that time there was definitely something off or confusing in that period. From that time on there was an intervention, and the Sakyong went on retreat and transformed in many mahy ways. Greater health in his life, disdcpline around food, dsiciplien around alcohol….. there was drinking but much less, the Sakyong started running. I really saw a massive tarnsfmroation. And then the Sakyong married the Sakyong Wanmgo, and there was this period of tremendous outpouring of teachings that we have seen as the growth of the community and the scoriopn seal path. And that was inspired me over the years is the massive trnasmforaiton. The storyline in my mind has been a story of real human growth, something really encouraging. At the same time I want to acknowledge that we have never really looked at the past. And a lot of the stories and accounts are clear that harm was caused for some people. And I want that to akneonledge being complicit and a part of not fully looking at that past. I regreat, I acknowledge and I apologize that especially students entering into sacred world assembly, I should have taken time to say hay, before you take this commitment let’s look at this past, what the sakyong has been through, the journey we have been through. We never did that, we are now feeling the karmic consquences of this. Whatever Shambhala can and will be in the future, somehow we need to face this. Something in our dculture, Shambhala and borader around the history of patriarchy, and harm that men casuse and power casuses. And we are being faced to recoon with that, and Shambhala as we know it will never be the same, and ultimately that is good..

There is more to share, and hopefully less from the Kalapa council and more from the broader community and voices that need to be heard.

Thank you for taking care of your commiunities, yourselves, and connecting this all with the dharma, the teachings.

Joshua Siblerstein

For myself, I came on working with Rinpoche directly in 2004, and it’s exactly how Adam describe.d There would be different nights to let off steam, bu tnothign at the intensity of what was shared about what happened before. He had ended a long term relationshiops, and all of a sudden we were in the period of meeting the Sakong Wangmo fo rhte first time and their lives joining, from 2004 to 2010.

I felt really fortuneate that I ahdn’t been there for earlier days, I don’t know if I would have been able to stay around.

Then in 2011 there was the incident reported in facebook and project sunshine.. This person is actually, I will still say is actually a close friend of mine. Althoguh there is pain between us right now. This person relied on Wendy and I to be her support and advocates. The day after the incident described I heard about it, I already planned to go to Halifax and stay with this woman and her boyrfirned. Immediatley she was sharing her experience and her voice, and Wendy and I immediately thinking, how do we give support. From the beginning to the end, nothing about trying to silence any voice. And this person was in a lot of pain. Amd it was hard to see a friend who was in a lot of pain, and immediately I said to her, she needs to share her story however she needs to share it. She was wondering whether to see the Sakyong again to talk about it, I said to her” when you are ready to see the Sakyong again we will make that happen” it was all proactive from my perspective. I would go home and get clals in the middle of the night, constant trying to care for a friend having a really hard time. Went on that way for years. Then in 2014 at her request said she was ready to meet with the Sakyong, let the Sakyogn know and he immediately said ok. I asked her, what does she need, how does she want to get there, who does she want to support her? She wanted me to pick her up and be in the room and drive her home. And I questeinoed that because of my role, and she said that would make her feel most safe and confomrtable. In that meeting the Skayong apologize dand did a healing ceremony. This woman shared from her heart for a long time in a way that ripoche could hear. As we kept checking afterwards I get the sense that yes, that is what was needed. A coupel years later she shared that that wasn’t enough and we have been in contact. . Three weeks ago we lost contact.

Wendy Friedman

I am trying to think what would be helpful or of any value about that. As Josh mentioned I am also friends with and know the person involved in the indicent in 2011 with the Sakyong. After it happened she told me her account of it, a couple of days after the incident. My response to her was what happened was not ok, was not her fault, and not ok. I shared the same feelings with the Sakyong. I shared with him that he needed to attend to it, and attend to her, and that it was not acceptable. I really did try and be a friend, to this person, this friend, who was going through a lto of different challenges and hve stayed in contact with her, she was my neighbor for several years following that incident. And boht my husband and I tried to be of support to her. I was in touch with her up to a week and half ago, very loving messages. I really hope that through all this, for her and for our whole community, for all the women in Shambhala that we can dig in the dirt a little bit and really feel and smell everying that w need to look at honestly. I grew up in Shambhala and have experienced a range of things over the years, and for me Shambahla is something that I cannot take out of my cellular system so I am hoping that we can find a way to work with this and in a real way to work with it together so that in 30 years this does not arise again in some other form. I feel this is the culmination of many things not being attended to well. For any part I have played in that I offer my heartbreak to all of you.

Joshua Silberstein

The only thing that I will add is that she requested not to make a big announcement, but that we could share with anhyone who came up to us. So we have always been very truthful, or denied that it happened or tried to keep it queit. Since that incident in 2011 there has been nothing that I know of. And that brings us to today.

Jane Arthur

I have been contemplating a lot these days about this whole situation and watching lots of whatsapp feeds and receiving emails and I have come to believe that what has occurred is part of a big sytem and part of a power dynamic between men and women that is unhealthy in our larger community that has played itself out in our Shambhala community. And on an individual basis I have so many male friends and colleageus that I love as human beings, the situation has perpetuated these very insideious power dynamics. The feminie has been crushed. And unless we figure out a way to not just address the sexual harm but address the whole dynamic between tehse energies, I don’t tink we can actually heal deeply in the weay that I thinkw e need to. And I think that Shambhala has a shot which is why I have stuck around. I was in the legal profession which was filled with patriarchy and patrongizeing behavior, and I came to Shambhala because I believed that we can do it differently, and I have remained with my colleagues because I believe that we can do it differently. I think it’s much bigger then sexual miscionduct, the much bigger that we need to relate to, and I don’t know how. I think we need help with that. But we are going to give it a shot, I have no doubt about that. And I feel that good first steps that we are all going to take, is that we are very close to signing on the dotted line with An Olive Branch, they are just finalzing a proposal. And the wonderful thing about an olive branch is that they have helped organizations with clergy misconduct, will create a confidential line where people can report what they want to report and support them. The person will help them assess, what does the person need, an opportunity to offer them a victim advocate, will collect every story that they receive and offer that to us as a report. And I know that people are very much wanting another body to handle this, and there will…… but for the time being…… There are also a number of things that they offer around policy development, training, communication and community meetings and reviewing our policies. We hope to sign that contract this week.

We are also very close to signing on a third party investigator, a law firm in Halfiax, they have a person on their staff who does third party investigations of any claims of harm.

I really hope that this week those are both signed on and we can move forward with those concrete things.

Question: How are the ministers or others working with the SAkyong directly at this time in regard to all of this?

Josh: We shared earlier that through the Winter and Spring Jesse and I met with the SAkyong regularly to keep him up to speed about what was happening and to support him in understnaing his part that he plays in all of this. And I think that that continues in terms of just sharing my own pain and confusion, and my love. And us meeting minds in that way. He feesl for all of us deeply, some people have left the community, some have written letters of support… each of those he feels deeply. Especially when people leave the community… from my perspective trying to be as truthful and honest about how we are doing, how we feel and encouraging others to do the same.

Ashley: From my perspective these past few days in Halifax, we have had a number of conersations with primarily the Sakyong through the past few months about these topics, beginning to talk about how he might offer teaching sto the communtiya bout his own past and the community’s past. That has been happening for a while, Josh was involved with that, Jane, Jesse, Wendy, Adam, myself Mark Whaley.. A number of us involved starting in late February, over the past few days we have tried to present as much as possible. They both have a sense of what is unfolding in the community, the support and magnitude of what is saying. The Sakyong Wangmo sends her love and would also like to offer a statement. I can jut share that there has been a lot of heartfelt exchange happening here that is honest and truthful and quite painful. I can just offer that from the past few days.

Question: Harmful behavior, alcohol misconduct, in the past?

Nothing after 2011. I asked the SAkyong this morning, nobody is aware of anthing after 2011.

Question: I was touched by the genuine quality of all who spoke and hope to share that with the community. Is there any plan for this to be shared?

Jane: I really appreciate Lisa. WE are thinking what would be helpful to the community. Maybe a listening tour, get out, feel what people are feeling.

I don’t’ have the skills to do this work around sexism, but it’s already started. AS far as I know, anything from this call is fair game to share it with anyone thatyou want to share with it. This is our way to shre with anyone you want to share with.. It’s all open source.

This is just a start, so please trust yourselves.

Wendy: In Halifax groups of women have been helpful. Marginalized groups gathering. Please encourage people to be together and share openly whatever comes out.

Ashley: I will add in terms of communication that we are working as fast as we can, working non stop, doing our best to give information as soon as possible. REuqests for info sheets, doing our best to provide that as soon as possible.

Question: Is there going to be a transcript or recording of this call that we can share? We on this call are fortunate to get such direct communication from you, and I have to say that our members are asking well if the council represents the Sakyong to us, who should represent us, the community at large? How can we feel represented in our voice? I promised to carry that message and question to you. So please answer and thank you again.

Adam Lobel: An important question points to how vast and complicate dthe situation is that we are facing: gender, patriarchy, sexual miscondudct and actual governing structures. Part of what we are running into here is the asbolsute limit point of the entirely top down model that we have been working with, that we at the Kalapa Council have been part of. And this goes into the understanding of what is our tradition? How does that meet the modern world? It’s clear in the present that we have not come close to giving the kind of governing structure and map of a good human society that we aspire to. Includes a transmissional quality that everything good flows up above and flows down to the people below. And I feel that we are seeing the limits of that. That includes myself, working with a small group and rolling out curriculum to the community. ….WE have not come close to figuiirng that out. .

Acharyas discussing how this relates to the Skayong, how he teaches, it’s a download, one direction. Ther eisn’t a way for him to hear from us, that hsas been in many ways his choice, some of us have pushed back, but we have supported it in many ways. We need some way for the community, it’s voice… the delek system was one way, that has fallen apart. Those of us on the KC can’t do it alone, and likely can’t do it at all. If we can be together as a community, fi we can work towards society, it has to be a differnet model.

Question: (Shante Smalls): My question is about intersectionality. A point of clariiction or imfonramtion. One of the concerns coming up for students of mine is what’s seen as a desire to switch one form of hegemonic power for another, women of colour, queer folks, trans folksm mintority communities aren’t just crushed in our desire to switch patriarchal power to matriarchal power. And there is soul searching in the other twin power in Shambhala, a trenemndous amount of white supremacy, commitment to North American whiteness. The forms, cultural references, almost all of our teachrs at the Acharya and Shastri level, most of our center directors, altmost everyone on the council of the Makkyi Rabjam. Some of us calling for now Her Majesty to teach us more, a ground swell to hear her wisdom, Vajrayana students, her voice… I wanted to say that on this call that there is a real desire, not just around diversity, but really around questions of power and oppression that keep people away and casue them to leave….

Jesse: I just want to say thank you for that. I absolutely agree.. One of the dangers is that we could piclk one thing and try and fix that, but really it’s about taking down everyting, taking dout the studs, getting the naisl out, looking at the foundation, getting down to it and see what we can do together there.

Ashley: The Sakyong Wangmo has shared that she would like to offer a letter to the community and be with the community this year around the annviersty of her empowerment. Wendy and I have been working with that, will e able to share more about that soon. That is her desire and her heart wish, doing our best to make that possible as soon as we can. She has been an amazin gpresenc ehere for me personally, her steadiness and her strength and been completely incredible.. I know it hasn’t been announced, but it seems as good a time as any to mention it.

Question: (Shastri Trinley Busby) Today was the fisrt time that I have cried.. I want to just start with that. I’m so happy to have that. I’ts been welling up as a death and a loss, and to actually see the Sakyong take accountability and responsibility was needed from my self personally.

My utmost concern at this point is what many people have mentioned previous to this. There have been people all along that have been in the Shambhala mandala that hae been oppressed and marginalized that have had intuition of the discomfort of how many things work within our mandala and have experienced real pain, real harm, and real trauma from it. And it can’t be centered just on women experiencing sexualized trauma. I feel that we have to understand that any person of color who has stayed I our community for enough years to get on the Vajrayana path… what does that take in a human being to do that? It’s like the necessity…. Some of you know me, some of you don’t, some of you know how I have been asked to advise on certain things. Alll along what I feel right now, the disappointment of “it didn’t have to get here.” Is very strong in many. There have been so many people ready, willing, going, able, saying doing, all these things all along, and I wrote this in a thread with the Shambhala Office of Social Engagnement, oh my god we are being co-opted, outsourced to say the right thing, do the right thing, so that people can feel that we are doing and saying the right thing. That is harm on top of harm.. Why is it that at some point the Salyong himself wouldn’t have wanted to meet with us. We are so good and wise and devoted and love him, and have a clarity of a broad spectrum of lived experience and knowledge. Why was that always dissociated from having to go through the middle people of the Kalapa Council? I am disappointed by that, and it’s still not in action. I don’t’ know how that can come about, if that can come about. If I even want that to come about.

I will say two more things: Ashley Dinges, thank you for doing everying that you are doing. And I feel what you are being asked to hold is so unfair. And I love you, and thank you for being there for all uf us in this way. And I hope you are taking care of yourself. And lastly, at this point in time, the recognition of the irony of the people who are holding all of the pain and confusion and anger and hate in this society, it’s the people who are most impacted. And it’s an irony that we can get away from,because white heteronormantive cis gendered men can’t do this work, and it’s always falling back on the people whose body’s are most effected. I am slo glad that the Sakyong acknowledge this, but it’s not enough, it’s so painful. What we will and wont’ do. At the cost of what? It’s kind of crazy making. So thank you.

Joshua: Thank you for everything you shared. I don’t know why he goes to a small number of people from advice. And I know that it looks like from the outside…… Trinley: I don’t want to have this, it’s not a conversation, just stop.

Question: This is going to be hard for me. I want to say Acharya Lobel characterized these relationships as consensual. My experience of my relationship with the Sakyong from 2003 to 2004 was not consensual. Because I don’t think that relationships that have a power differential can actually be characterized and consensual. It might have looked consensual from the outside, but I didn’t feel that I had a choice. Of course we all have choices, but it’s so complicated that they are not consensual.

Adam: I agree that we are learning what consent means around power dyanmics. And that is a huge part of the breakthrough in what is happening right now. I no longer sees those relaitnoships as consensual in the way. I am sorry for the pain that you or anyone has gone through because of those power dynamics.

Question: (Arthy Tejuja): I have so many feelings that are coming up all of a sudden. I feel very similar to Trinley when she talked about beign co-opted. I feel like even before this for this whole year I have been saying so many of these things about power dynamics and structure and I just feel like there is kind of a deaf ear going on.. I don’t know whether anybody took me seriously.. And so here we are now, painted into a corner, and this is what it took to talk about this? And I still have this feeling that nothing might change. Like that’s how gross it feels right now for me. Like Trinely said, it didn’t really have to get here. This top down structure, even now in this call is going on. We are looking at members of people at the top, and the only people invited are people at the top of their centers, and now we have to trickle it down to the bottom. So I have been managing a facebook group, the office of social engagenemtn for a while. And it’s different from the Shambhala one because there is a lot of moderating. Right now I am getting 16 joins an hour. And almost every other post is: when is the Kalapa Council going to step down? There are multiple petitions out there. There is a formal document that go tcreated today. And tha’ts what people want, that’s what they are asking for right now, and I don’t think that is going to change.. There is nobody holding this body accountable right now.. Who holds you accountable? And I have relatinoships with a lot of you on this council, one on one, and I care about you, the people I have gotten to know. But there is not accountability over you, and that is not fine. I’ts just not fine. Nevermind that it’s not repsresntative of our community, but yeah, I want to see some accountability. I want to see some “you know what, maybe I should step down from the KC because this structure is not working, the KC is not working”. You created this office two years ago, and I have not had one interaction and been invited to speak with the KC as a body. And all I have been doing is working my ass off, talking about racism, talking about power strucutrres, talking about the masoginy. You created this because you wanted to go out in the world and change it, but we aren’t going to change the world if we are complicit in the actions inside. I know that you have been working, working with lawyers, I know it’s hard. But I also want to say that you have had a long time to work on this sturcuutre. I have been saying it for a year. So there is a huge part of me that doesn’t feel so bad for you. So I don’t know what to say. I just hope that you will really take that seriously now. I hope that you will understand that this structure is prpoblematic, bu that this council is problematic. If you want to create englihtend society this isn’t going to work. This is not creaing enlightend society, we are not doing anyting other than what is already out there. And if its’ not going to change than I need to find some other place to go. I hope you take this seriously. Many of you are copmlicit in this. You knew what was going on behind the scenes. Some of you even said it here. That’s being complicit. I just wish people would just come clean about it, because we can forgive you if you would just say that, that you udnersatnd what was going on behind the scenes and didn’t say anhyting. I’m tired of people saying that they didn’t know, because I think a lot of people know.

Adam: Definitely I was complicit in the sense that I knew of the apst that was extremely painful and could feel something in my bones that has never been addressed and that I never called forward to be addressed, and was under the dilusion that by jut moving forward that somehow that was sufficient, and I knew it at the time, and I have always known that that wasn’t ture. And I just went along with it out of fear, or that I would go against what the SAkhong wanted, .. I never had the bravery and never trusted my own intelligence enough to demand something different. I don’t’ want to say anhting more othern than I agree and played a role…. I will not be able to stay on the Kalapa Council unless there is active and quite radical change, either in the makeup and structure of this council or in creating some other body or governing structure that is radically different, I will not be able to stay in my seat, and that means really soon. And I have the feeling that I am not alone in that. Thank you.

Closing

Josh: Thank you for joining…..