A/S/L: insights of a Latina going back to school (abroad) at the age of 30 (something)

Isadora Varejão
Sep 5, 2018 · 10 min read
Me with my best haircut in 1989 doing some relevant work on my parent’s Olivetti typewriter.

There I was, on my first day of class of my master’s program in the Newmark Graduate School of Journalism, at the City University of New York (CUNY).

Amongst the 14 students, I am the second most senior — which means I am surrounded by people that probably danced to Spice Girls in diapers and never watched Titanic in the movie theater. Disturbing, I know. But I shake my head off of it. Professors are speaking, and there are three of them.

The class is called “Community Engagement” and we have just shared what community we plan on turning into our beat for the duration of the program. (Beat is jargon for an area or theme the reporter specializes in covering, like the editorias in Brazil — but even more specific.)

“So now, tell us to which communities you students belong to,” Professor Jeff Jarvis said.

Know thyself, before diving into other people’s unknown waters, right?

I answered many things. Cat lover, left-winger, Latina. But on my way home, I realized I only scratched the surface of masks there. And some of them weren’t even chosen by me, but rather handed to me. Either by my journalist parents, whose political views I passively, yet gladly adopted, either by the U.S. society itself, that placed on my right arm the big pink glittery label of the Latina immigrant.

The cat thing is good, though. Loving cats is the ultimate expression of my essence.

When I say I am Brazilian people are like

However, I do know there is more to it than what meets the eye. What is behind all these social masks? Who am I when I am not trying to fit in or stand out? And, although I do belong to several communities — Is there one that is an indissociably part of me?

A/S/L.

From the depths of my subconscious, in a memory drawer that is right under the one keeping Britney Spears lyrics, A/S/L popped out.

A code that had the power to connect curious strangers from opposite sides of the planet in the late 1990s, and early 2000s. The very first three letters that would magically appear on your screen when you connected to any international chat room.

Acronym for “age, sex, location?”

The A/S/L Millennial generation invented chat room etiquette and this spot-on conversation starter. Rude? A little too straight-forward? We are talking about internet’s early childhood days, dial-up connection and a parent controlling how much time you could “surf the web,” after all, grandma could have a stroke at any moment and the phone line should be free (I never understood why she would call us during a stroke and not the emergency line, by the way.)

Age, place of origin/current location, and gender were all we needed to turn an internet connection into a personal one. The answers to the questions these letters enshrine would say where we come from in the world, where we were at, how long we had been walking this Earth and how. In which body.

True “life ledes,” if you might say.

See?

So, I answered to my own A/S/L. The same way I would do it in 1998. Voilá — I had my answer. I belong to one super intersectional and cross-cultural community: the “Latina women in their 30’s that decide to go back to school in the States.”

But I didn’t know until just now.

That is because I am only three years in with this “membership.” I joined it when I was about to turn 30 and decided to live in New York to pursue an education — 66 percent of my A/S/L changed in a blink of an eye.

Going to school here in New York has been stimulating and, at the same time, it trigged the feeling of being a little alien. Now, it all makes sense. I am living a new reality while belonging to this new community I didn’t know of.

After a long and productive self-evaluation, I listed the challenges I have been dealing with since going back to school in NY, and the possible reasons for it. Spoiler: they all have to do, in some capacity, with the unawareness of my A/S/L. In other words, I haven’t updated my O.S. even though I have been getting a notification for three years.

If you are also a “Latina women in her 30s that went back to school in the States” community member, stay with me and tell me if you also feel/felt like a little alien in this process.

If you are not, I welcome you into my life — feel free to put yourself in my shoes! (If you choose to do that, just please remove yours and leave them at the door. You know, germs.)

#1. Oh-oh! Professors really want you to speak

This is a whole new world. Us 30 somethings account for some experiences that can definitely enrich debates in the classroom. However, my generation was taught to LISTEN to older people. Questions would be okay, but no more than two. It is selfish to waste class time while making your own inquiries. Save the rest for after class. Voicing opinions is presumptuous, unless you are about to shed some divine light on us poor mortals. Then we won’t hold it against you.

All I can remember from lecture-like classes in high school and college is teachers asking for silence. They would always carry the knowledge and supreme truth, whereas the alumni, would be exactly what some people once claimed the word in Latin meant — the unenlightened ones.

I attended to both Catholic school and college in Brazil. They are usually the educational institutions with more infrastructure — and austerity, too.

Most of us avoid interrupting teachers during classes. This is me starting to debunk the stereotype of Latinos being outspoken and extroverts. We are actually kind of repressed when it comes to the Academic environment. Until we read in the syllabus of several courses and understand that if the cat eats our tongue in class, odds are it is going to eat our grades too.

Note for my community: We can speak now, guys! Because we are the other older people in the classroom!

#2. There is more than one professor in the classroom

I remember in college hearing people say how the educational system of some developed countries had more than one instructor teaching a class at the same time. I always thought that was fabulous. I also thought I would never live to see this day as a student.

In Latin America, we grew up seeing teachers from the public educational system going on strikes every year for better wages and suffering from burn-outs for abusive work environment. You were lucky to have ONE teacher. When I look at three people conducting a class, wow. I am even less inclined to interrupt them with my silly questions. I want to take all in!

Note for my community: The more the merrier: three instructors = three people to connect you with future employers, rather than one. Do well in class and exponentially expand your networking.

#3. They know you are only human

During the two weeks-long orientation at CUNY, we were introduced to multiple people and services that can help us with our personal/academic struggles going forward. They know you might get vulnerable and they want you to know you will have a safe place when that time comes.

I grew up at a time when teenagers going to therapy were seen as having a loose screw. We would bottle everything up, especially to teachers. In college, back in Brazil there was no relationship of trust between students and Teachers. If you missed classes it was because you didn’t care, and any personal issue you might have had was not taken seriously.

I remember the “Community Dean” in my university back home being walled by three secretaries, all rude social assistants whose job was to prevent anyone from getting near the dean. He was too sweet and empathic, always willing to give scholarships to everybody, reason why his staff kept students away from him at all costs. I had friends who would follow him home to ask for scholarships since it was impossible to make an appointment with him. We had to humiliate ourselves. The idea of needing the school’s help for whatever reason is not exactly thrilling.

For example, I remember low-income students on scholarships missing class after class only for us to figure out months later it was because they couldn’t afford transportation every day. Feeling like an outsider can often make us shut down because of a fear of having your opportunity ripped away from you once people realize you are vulnerable.

Note to my community: It is 2018, and at least in New York everybody talks openly about depression and anxiety. Open up and ask for help. You are an expat. Being away from home is hard as it is.

#4. Some teachers are your age

And such teachers tend to be awesome. They get your Game of Thrones references; give you a break to look at your cell phone and put some Reggaetón during creative activities. They even bring you treats! And it is not the lousy apples we were getting them in the 1950s, it is chocolate chip cookies and fruit bars. True story.

You can’t say that to your mother, though. Because that will get her to start the “talk”. You know “the talk”?

Photo is a courtesy of Evelina Nedlund (19'). Everybody in her Audiovisual class got a bar from the teacher, after all, “It is Friday and you guys must be tired.”

If you had had focus, and get this done years ago instead of crazy moving to NY, it could be you teaching classes and making money and being thinner, perhaps married and with a beach house I could finally spend my days —

See, when they were our age, our Latina mothers were already bad-ass mothers, often working ones. Mine had two newsroom jobs when I was a kid. Thirty years later, and I am still dealing with fried eggs gone wrong rather than fertilized eggs due on Christmas. She is discontented. Women that lived through the Sexual Revolution raised their girls to conquer the world, yet they really want grandchildren.

Note to my community: Don’t feel intimidated and don’t blame yourself. Everybody’s journey is different, and it is never too late to do ANYTHING.

#5. You get a little stressed about all of the above, so you have an acne breakout at 32

I learned during the second week of orientation that it is possible to have acne and wrinkles coexisting in the same stretch of forehead. Chinese traditional medicine says that skin issues reflect an inaptitude to adapt to an environment — and that goes beyond climate conditions. Your skin is the most exposed organ of your body and takes its job of protecting you from exterior threats very seriously. When things are not well, your skin says so.

And people get confused thinking you are 21.

Note to my community: Please, which soap, gel, anything could I use to get rid of this acne? It isn’t going nowhere and it has been three weeks already!

#6. Everybody is reading and writing everything on their laptops, phones, tablets…

Us early onset millennials from down under can be huge tree huggers… until we go back to school. We need paper, man. We need to touch the paper we read and write. Dead trees in our hands so we can properly digest the mandatory readings. We also need to take notes in notebooks. Highlight stuff. Underline. Draw little hearts.

Bringing your laptop to the classroom has been a thing in the U.S. for a while now, but in Brazil, people couldnt really afford them until 2006/2007 — it was then that laptops became more affordable to the middle class. Even so, people would never bring their electronics to the classroom. Ten years ago, in Latin America, a laptop did not belong in the streets!

Note to my community: Just keep writing your notes and doing your thing. It is for your personal use. Also, laptops are heavy and our backs aren’t getting any younger. Plus, colored pens are so cheap here. You only live once!

#7. Suddenly you miss having glittered colored pens like it is 1998

Taking notes on your little notebook like you did in college back home is satisfying until you realize you need *CoLoR*. So, you bring one glitter pink pen to class and BAM! — you are suddenly in the Legally Blonde movie. Except you are not in Harvard and you are not Reese’s size 0. Who cares? When this is all over you can write a book that might be turned into a movie. For the record, Anna Kendrick should play me.

There you go. First week of school I realized I belong to this A/S/L community which I did not know about, and the alien feeling I have been experiencing is mostly because of this unawareness.

Final thoughts: it is okay to be an outsider and we don’t have to fully change the way we are, but we must be open to embrace change — especially if we asked for them in the first place!

Be an alien — but the cool type, the one that reads minds and flies on high tech spaceships. Right now, I am more like the one that dresses like an old lady and only fly in a kid’s bicycle basket. I am curious to see how all of this will turn out. Follow me here on Medium, as I will be writing about this and other matters every week!

Gotta go now, I am late for school!

Isadora Varejão

Written by

Bad tarot reader but okay writer | social journalism master student at CUNY investigating the intersection of gender and immigration| twitter @brazooklyn

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